Playing Roles

I am in the kitchen preparing dinner when the doorbell rings. I replace the pot on the hob, turn down the heat and glide through to the hallway in my high heeled open towed shoes. My hand on the door knob I pause for a second, heart pounding, savouring those last moments of anticipation before I see you, then slowly I unlock and open the door. For a minute we stand face to face,. You look at me, deep in to my eyes, your brown penetrating my blue. Then you raise one hand and with the palm you gently push me backwards until my back meets the cold wall that divides the hallway from the lounge.

Your hand is warm, it is on the exposed skin that my low cut dress doesn’t cover, and when my back is flat to the wall you dig your short nails in to my flesh ever so slightly, but enough so that my skin prickles and I shudder with pleasure. Then your arms are on either side of me, your hands on the wall, your body pressed close to mine, our breasts touching. “Something smells good,” you say, burying your face in my hair, and from that action I know you aren’t just talking about what is cooking in the kitchen. “Good enough to eat?” I murmur. “Maybe,” you say, teasingly. Then you are gripping the hair at the back of my head, pulling it tight, revealing the soft skin of my neck that you now start to bite and tongue vigorously, aggressively, hungrily. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you all day,” you growl between flicks of your tongue and teeth. “Wanting to feel your hot wet cunt, taste it, touch it, fill you until you beg for mercy.” My breath is coming in short sharp gasps now, your words turning me on almost as much as your touch. “You’ve been thinking about it too, haven’t you?” You say, almost accusingly. “Haven’t you, the dirty little slut that you are. Haven’t you!” You’re yanking on my hair now, the other hand sliding down my back to cup my round ass, pressing me forward in to your body. It is then that I feel it, what I know you’ve been saving for me, what you want me to feel and grow excited for. “Yes,” I gasp now in response to your question.
“What exactly have you been thinking about, you dirty bitch?” Instinctively I know what you want me to say, I can tell by the way you are pressing it between my legs, pushing my thighs apart, hands reaching under my dress to lift it slightly. “Your cock,” I whisper, “I’ve been thinking about your cock all day long. I want it, big and hard and deep inside me.” I am reaching down to the zip in your jeans, pulling at it, tearing at the fabric with my nails, but you grab my hands and raise them up expertly pinning them together with one of yours at the back of my head. “Not yet,” you say, “don’t be greedy now.” You rub up against me now, grinding the bulge in your pants against my pussy. I feel the liquid start to flow from me and I think I will start to squirt even from this slight pressure because the anticipation of what we are going to do is driving me crazy. Tenderly now you touch my face with your free hand, stroke my cheek, brush my lips with your fingertips, then let your hand slide down my collar bone to my breasts where you start squeezing my hard nipples through the material of my dress. Then we are kissing, deep, passionate, intense kisses that send my head spinning. Your tongue is in my mouth, it tastes of mint and I suck it eagerly, giving you a hint of what I will do to your aching cock when you let me.

We are walking through to the bedroom now, you have released my hands and they are around you, pulling you with me as we move towards the bed and when I feel its cold metal against the back of my thighs you spin me around so that you are closest to the bed, and then you sit. “Straddle me baby,” you command, grabbing my ass and pulling me on to your lap. I kick off my shoes and part my knees so that they are on either side of you and my dress rides up around my waste. I am wearing thin silk panties, my clit is swollen making a little bud in the material which is already soaked with my juices. When I am in position you pull me down and rub your cock against the spot where you know my clit is, and the only thing that separates the two is the material of my pants and your jeans. Now I am grinding hard, my head back, my cunt beginning to ache uncontrollably, letting me know that the only thing that will satisfy her is to be full of you. You like this extended foreplay, your eyes are burning in to me and as you slide a hand between my legs I can tell you already know what you will find. Roughly now you pull my panties to one side and lubricate your fingers with my overflowing juices. I am thrusting forward now, whimpering, aching to have you inside me, but you continue to tease me by circling and stroking my clit until the motion almost tips me over the edge. Then when you know I am on the verge of coming you thrust two fingers once, hard, in to my open pussy and as quickly as they enter me, you are gone again, raising your hand to lick your fingers and moan your appreciation. “you know what I want you to do, don’t you, slut?” You say thickly in to my ear, biting on my earlobe and trailing your tongue down my neck, giving me shivers. “Yes,” I whisper, and now I am sliding off your lap to kneel in front of you and you are unzipping your jeans, letting them slide to the floor where you kick them off. Slowly now I stroke you through your pants, they are boy shorts today although I know you will be wearing a sheer lace bra under your top because you know I like the combination. You are breathing hard in anticipation as I work my hands under the band of your pants, pulling them down and letting your cock spring free. This one is one of my favourites, a black leather harness with a purple dildo sitting snugly, warm with your body heat. I bend my head and lick the tip of it, and you shudder as though the sensation has travelled down the shaft all the way to your aching clit. I open my mouth and take you in, using my hands to stroke around the base while I work on the head with my flicking tongue. Your hands are in my hair and you are murmuring, “oh yeah that’s it baby, suck it for me, suck my cock like the expert whore you are. My come hungry slut, I want to come in your mouth, oh fuck yeah make me come in your sweet little mouth.” I begin to move faster now, my head bobbing up and down, hands working, lips clamped around the shaft and you are thrusting forward, making me take you deeper until I have to relax my muscles in order that I don’t gag. When you are worked up in to a frenzy you begin pulling at my hair, lifting me up, pulling my mouth away from your cock so that you can again slide your tongue in to my mouth and kiss me hard. “Get on all fours,” you tell me and you get off the bed while I crawl on to it, dress around my hips now, ass exposed which you start to squeeze and slap, impatient for me to get in to position. When I am face down, my head lowered, ass in the air you pull down my panties and place a knee between my legs, pushing them wide apart so that you can kneel behind me on the bed. Now you lower your face to my ass and begin kissing my soft smooth skin, making circles with your tongue that get wider and wider until you reach my ass whole and begin to lap at it gently. “Oh Jesus,” I moan in to the pillow, gripping the sheets hard with both hands, trying not to rock back on to your tongue. The circles change to long strokes, and you are moving from my ass to my soaking wet pussy, lapping from clit to ass and then back again, sometimes pausing to stick the tip of your tongue in to my aching cunt. By now I am moaning loudly and moving my hips back and forth, almost at the point of no return, being driven insane by that expert tongue of yours. “Fuck me,” I beg you now, “oh God please fuck me. Put your cock inside me, I need to feel it, please you’re making me crazy, please fuck me, please!” My words are tumbling over each other, my voice rising, the desire building in my throat to an almost animalistic wale. You raise your head, your long hair brushing against the skin of my ass, sending goose bumps across my flesh. I feel you lean over me to retrieve a condom from the bed side draw and hear the tearing of the wrapper as you place it over the dildo. Then you are shuffling forward on your knees behind me, making sure you get the angle that will hit my G spot rather than become painful and oh how you know that angle. I brace myself now, the dildo you have chosen is not a small one and we only usually use it when I am ridiculously excited, which on this occasion I am. I feel you rub the head up and down the length of my pussy, lubricating it with my juices as you did your fingers earlier. Then you are pushing against me and I am crying out and you are inside me, moving slowly at first until we find each other’s rhythm, then faster and harder until you are slapping against my thighs and you are filling me, again and again and I am bucking back on to you, gripping the head of the bed to push myself harder and harder against you. The sounds that come from my mouth are not my own, they don’t sound like my voice, they are loud and high and I am speaking words, “oh yes baby fuck me baby oh god fuck me harder harder that is so fucking good fuck fuck fuck fuck oh god I’m gonna come come inside me baby come on come in my pussy fucking come inside me yeah that’s it just like that oh God I love your cock I fucking love your cock your big hard cock so fucking good.” The words turn in to one long extended vowel and the vowel becomes a scream and the scream seems to start from deep inside me where your cock is pounding against my spot and your fingers have reached around to rub on my clit and it is ripping through me, up through my entire body the scream and the sensation and the point of no return, the cliff that I will jump from is right there and my tows grip the edge and then I am flying, flying high and the scream is a bird and the bird is me and I am sawing through the air and it is a long time before I come crashing back down to earth, a trembling crying shaking woman once again made incoherent by the way that we make love.

Later, in your arms, I am still shaking. You are soft now, soft and tender and we are kissing slowly, murmuring sweet words to one another, hands stroking skin, trailing through hair, our naked bodies pressed close. It is only when I start to smell something burning that I remember I had been preparing dinner when you arrived. Quickly I slip out of bed and pad through to the kitchen, where I turn off the heat and leave the food to go cold, knowing that we will warm it up much later. Sliding back beneath the sheets I feel the heat from between your legs and reaching down, my fingers meet smooth skin, then wetness and as I start to fuck you you open your legs wide and whisper my name. “My beautiful woman,” I say, and as you submit to me and I begin to work my magic on your sweet pussy, the harness and cock discarded on the floor, I marvel at the beauty of it and the knowledge that for tonight at least you are mine.

On the up

I've chosen this title to what will be a very short post because, fingers crossed, it looks as though things are on the up.
The first good thing that happened this week was that I received a call from the graduate scheme I went for the assessment centre with last week and I'm through and on to the scheme and will start work in the new year. Woo! Finally! So this means I can relax for a little while and not have the stress of applying for jobs etc and now make the most of the time I have left not working and look forward to starting a new job.

The second good thing is that I have been having and will hopefully continue to have extremely good sex right now. The Spanish Girl came over on Tuesday and is supposed to be coming over sometime this weekend for some more fun and believe me, it is lots of fun. I've been masturbating to the image of me riding her while she's wearing the strap on, something which we did last Friday, all week long and I want a repeat performance. Something else which has fueled my solo orgasms are a couple I've made friends with. I'll call them the femme couple as I met them at the femmes meet I went to, and we've been in touch ever since and they came to the commedy night yesterday evening. I have to say they are probably the hottest couple I've ever met, and they're both really flirtatious which really doesn't help. We were exchanging stories about what is in our respective toy boxes and when they were talking about the strap on they'd just bought the thought of them fucking stayed in my head for the rest of the night. They're supposed to be coming over for dinner soon, I wonder if they'd be up for a threesome. One is English, tall and blonde and the other is an Arab and is shorter and very feisty. They're both gorgeous women and I'd love to get stuck in the middle heehee.

The final thing I want to mention is a blog some one gave me the link too. The blog in itself is great but the pod casts are something else. I'll add her to my blog roll but in the meantime you can check her out
here

Happy Thanks Giving to those of you in the US.

Another crush

Hmm, I have another crush. It has developed over the past couple of months and is now in full fury. I don't even know if she's gay. I see her quite a lot, I could see her every day if I wanted too because she works very close by. She's always very friendly and she's older than me. I find it difficult to chat to her without my mind wondering, and yes, I have thought about her while doing the kit cat shuffle. I wonder if she knows I like her... Probably not. It's nice to admire from a distance though, I just wish I knew which team she batted for.

Fun Fun Fun!

So, as you’ve probably gathered, I got some good loving on Tuesday night. It was actually very spontaneous, I had been discussing sex online with a friend and complaining that I wasn’t getting enough, when a girl I’d been talking to online asked if I was up for a casual meet that evening. I was a bit apprehensive as we’d only just started talking, but we were both looking for some fun so I thought why the hell not and invited her over. I spoke to her for a bit on the phone first and we seemed to get on well so she headed over at about seven. She’s very attractive, black, about five feet five with long hair and she’s very slim, and oh my god such a fine ass! So we chatted over a bottle of wine for a couple of hours, she’s very funny and upbeat and we’re in to the same type of music and chatted about our families and our time at uni. I was in the middle of saying something about a Jill Scott gig I’d been too when she just leaned forward and kissed me with the fullest, softest lips. Now I do like a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it, so of course I responded. After a while we broke apart and laughed and looked at each other, I think she must have thought she’d moved too soon and started to pull back, so I touched her arm and pulled her close again. Once she’d got the idea that I was interested she was as feisty as hell and before long we moved from the sofa to the bed and that’s where we stayed for the next couple of hours. I’m not going to go into too much detail but I will say that she’s not in the least inhibited, and among other things it’s finally so nice to meet a black woman who is in to women and who isn’t afraid of using her tongue in all the right places. Mmm! So anyway, Cherry as she will now be known (and no that’s not because I popped hers) wanted to stay for the night but had to go to work the next day. So she’s coming over tomorrow evening and staying until Sunday, she called me from work yesterday and sent me a rather filthy email. She lives just down the road, so if things continue to go well it appears that I’ll hopefully have a regular fuck buddy. Finally! It’s taken since months of living here god damn it! Lol!

In other news, I also got hit on yesterday by a woman who lives in my building and who is the type of lesbian that I would run a million miles from. I don’t mean to be rude, but she stood far too close and commented on my “perfect teeth,” my “large breasts”, my “lovely blue eyes”, all within the first ten minutes of talking to her. I mean it’s lovely to get complimented, but there’s nothing worse than getting bombarded with them by some one you’ve only just met and you absolutely would never ever even think of dating or doing anything remotely like that with. I told her my age in the hope that would put her off, and she made the kind of disappointed noise that suggested she’d been thinking about shagging me for the entire conversation and had then realised how big an age gap there was. Even so she asked if I was free for coffee at some point which I gave a very vague answer to and tried to make my escape. So I’m a bit edgy every time I go down to the lobby in case she’s there. Scary predatory dykes, haha. I wouldn’t mind if she’d been femme and lovely, we all know I’m not adversed to getting involved with older women but she really wasn’t my type.

Last night I went to Caroline’s with H and S for dinner and had a fabulous time. We had such a laugh, Caroline has always got a story to tell about something or other, and it’s all in the telling because we usually end up crying with laughter by the end of it. We were also highly amused by how Una and her Cat reacted to one another, a kind of nervous excitement in them both that had the potential to explode in to either chasing, or spitting and growling, or both. They were both really well behaved though and Caroline has offered to dog sit anytime I need some one. I had rather a lot of wine and then had to make my way home from the other side of London which took ages and finally collapsed in to bed at around one to have a session with my new toy from
Sh
which arrived yesterday. The combination of
this
and
this
Meant that I had such a powerful orgasm that I fell asleep immediately.

I don’t have a lot planned for tonight, tomorrow morning I’m meeting an old college friend in town who I haven’t seen in years so that should be interesting. Then in the evening Cherry is coming over and no doubt that’ll be the better part of Sunday taken care of. Sunday evening if I make it out of bed I’m heading in to town to have coffee with a newly discovered lesbian social group.
Fun Fun Fun!

Why I love London

I was sitting on the tube this afternoon listening to my Ipod as usual, when a realisation hit me like a tidal wave. The answer to why I love London so much. I' first came to London when I was about to turn fifteen. The reason behind the visit was that I had attempted suicide. I don't want to go in to that in this post, but relates to
this post
On leaving hospital my parents, who tried to bury their heads in the sand back then thought it would be a good idea for us to get away for the weekend. So they booked a trip to London, and I remember crying and saying I didn't want to go. Back then it was a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning and pull myself through each day and the thought of going away for an action packed weekend, and trying to act like everything was ok tore me up inside. But when we arrived I felt the pull of the city. For those of you who haven't been, and even those who have and just don't feel it, I think there is a buzz to London, an energy that I haven't felt anywhere else I've been. It's in the city's history, the architecture, the exclusive hotels that cater to the stars, the tourists taking pictures, the joggers running with the Thames, the blasting car horns, the millions of cyclists on the road that everyone curses, the expensive houses that no one can really afford to buy unless they are filthy rich and then what Americans would call the Gettoe or the Projects. It's in the people, from the professional business people in suits working in huge office buildings, to the homeless people and the prostitutes and the pimps and the rent boys. I felt this energy the first time I visited, and although I was deeply depressed at the time, something lifted my spirits and I actually managed to make the most of the time we spent here. I returned many times after that, to visit friends I had made who lived in London, and then to spend time with DL's family when we were together. I had known for a long time that I wanted to live here, I felt as though it were my destiny to do so, but I never really knew why. And today I think I finally figured it out. I love London because I feel I belong here. I fit in here, I don't stand out, either as a gay woman, or as a blind woman. I can travel around this city, the biggest city in the UK by myself because of the underground system, , something I struggle to do anywhere else. I don't have to rely on anyone, if I want to go somewhere, I just go. For most people that is perfectly normal anyway, but it never has been for me. I know I don't talk about my blindness much on here and that's because I firstly don't see it as something that defines who I am, and I wouldn't want other people to think of it as my defining quality either. But being able to just up and go somewhere, travel for an hour, two hours to get to the other side of the city is something I can do here as easily as making a cup of tea and it's something I marvel at every time I do it. As soon as I go anywhere else I either have to spend a fortune on cabs, or rely on some one to drive me places because like I said, the underground system hasn't beenn recreated anywhere else in the UK. And it's not just that. The things that I can do here as a gay woman, pick a group for each night of the week to go to and meet people, go to discussions at gay book shops, go to lesbian sex parties, women only bars, gay festivals, gay cafes, all this creates such a sense of belonging. I mean sure of course there are homophobes here, that goes without saying, it's just the enormity of what I as a lesbian am able to do is phenominal. So I think I've figured out why it feels more like home than anywhere else I've ever lived. Because the two things that have been hardest to deal with in my life, both for myself and other people, my lesbianism and my blindness, well neither of them are a battle in this city. They are accepted, they are encouraged, supported, aided. Sure it gets lonely sometimes, it can feel like the harshest and loneliest city in the world at times because it is so big and there are so many people. But when people say to me, "how can you live in London, it's so intimidating," I smile and say, "it's not intimidating, it's amazing, and it's my home. It's where I belong."

Exposed

EXPOSED

THIS WEEK IS TURNING OUT TO BE QUITE A WEEK FOR SOCIAL EVENTS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE. I’VE MAINLY BEEN GOING TO STUFF ORGANISED BY PEOPLE FROM THE BOARDS ON GB, SIGNIFICANT BECAUSE MY BLOG IS LINKED TO MY PROFILE ON THAT SITE. SOMETHING THAT WAS BOUGHT TO MY ATTENTION WHEN CHATTING TO PEOPLE IS HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY CLICK ON THE LINK AND READ IT. BECAUSE MY OLDER FRIENDS KNOW I HAVE A BLOG AND SOME HAVE BLOGS THEMSELVES WE RARELY SPEAK ABOUT WHAT I WRITE, UNLESS IT IS DRAWN TO THEIR ATTENTION FOR A SPECIFIC REASON. BUT A COUPLE OF TIMES THIS WEEK MY BLOG HAS BEEN MENTIONED BY PEOPLE I DON’T REALLY KNOW. NICE IN ONE WAY BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY HAVING A READERSHIP IS KIND OF IMPORTANT TO ME, IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE COME BACK TO IT TO FIND OUT HOW I’M DOING OR WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON, BUT MY READERSHIP HAS UP UNTIL NOW BEEN VERY CLOSE FRIENDS OR PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW. SO WHAT I DID FIND DISCONCERTING WAS THE THOUGHT THAT ANYONE WHO I MIGHT MEET WHO READS THE BLOG GETS A VERY DETAILED AND FRANK DESCRIPTION OF MY PRIVATE LIFE, WHILE I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THEM. NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT I’M USUALLY VERY OPEN, I’M PROUD OF MY SEXUALITY AND I’M HARDLY A WALL FLOWER, BUT I COULDN’T HELP FEELING A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN, ON GOING TO A MEET LAST NIGHT FOR LOCAL LESBIANS, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE REFERED TO THE SEX PARTY I’D BEEN TO. DON’T GET ME WRONG, IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO DISCUSS THINGS LIKE THAT, IF I WRITE ABOUT THEM AND PUT MY THOUGHTS OUT THERE FORE EVERYONE TO READ IT’S HARDLY SURPRISING THAT PEOPLE WILL COMMENT. IT JUST CONCERNS ME SLIGHTLY THAT SOME ONE WHO I COULD POTENTIALLY END UP DATING MIGHT HAPPEN TO CLICK ON TO MY BLOG, AND KNOW MY RELATIONSHIPS AND SEXUAL HISTORY OF THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS, WHEREAS I HARDLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, AT ALL. I GUESS WHAT I WAS FEELING WHEN THE TOPIC CAME UP LAST NIGHT WAS AN IMBALANCE OF KNOWLEDGE. THAT SOME OF MY MOST PRIVATE THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND FANTASIES WERE COMMON KNOWLEDGE TO THESE PEOPLE, WHEREAS I WAS ONLY JUST BEGINNING TO EVEN KNOW THEM. I GUESS IT JUST TAKES A BIT OF GETTING USED TOO, BUT I HAVE CONSIDERED REMOVING THE LINK FROM THIS PARTICULAR SITE SO THAT FEWER PEOPLE I MIGHT HAPPEN TO MEET SOCIALLY HAVE ACCESS TO THE BLOG. IT MIGHT JUST MAKE ME FEEL A BIT MORE COMFORTABLE ABOUT SAYING WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY, RATHER THAN WORRYING IT MIGHT COME UP WITH SOME ONE I’M ON A DATE WITH, OR GETTING TO KNOW SOCIALLY. IT COMES BACK TO THE FACT THAT THERE’S ALWAYS A BATTLE WITH BLOGGING IN TERMS OF PRIVACY. DO YOU REMAIN COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS, NOT DISCLOSE YOUR IDENTITY TO ANYONE, NOT LINK YOUR BLOGS ANYWHERE ONLINE? OR DO YOU DO AS I HAVE CHOSEN TO, AND BE COMPLETELY OPEN, NO HIDDEN IDENTITIES, WRITE FRANKLY AND HONESTLY AND JUST DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT PEOPLE PROBABLY KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU DO THEM.

ANYWAY, ENOUGH OF MY PRIVACY CONCERNS…
I MET A LOVELY GROUP OF WOMEN ON MONDAY NIGHT. I WENT TO A MEET FOR FEMMES WHO LIKE FEMMES AT A BAR IN TOWN AND IT WAS GREAT. THERE WERE SOME EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN PRESENT WHICH IS ALWAYS A BONUS, AND I MADE FRIENDS WITH A REALLY LOVELY COUPLE WHO I’VE INVITED ROUND FOR DINNER SOMETIME. ON TUESDAY MY MOTHER ARRIVED FOR HER BIRTHDAY WITH MY UNCLE IN TOE WHICH WAS A SURPRISE, AND I TOOK THEM TO COVENT GARDEN WHERE WE DID SOME SHOPPING AND I BOUGHT A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS AND SOME NEW TIMS, AND IN THE EVENING WE WENT TO AN IRANIAN RESTAURANT RECOMMENDED BY A WOMAN FROM THE FEMMES MEET. THE FOOD WAS DELICIOUS, ALTHOUGH GETTING MY FAMILY TO APPRECIATE FOOD THAT ISN’T BRITISH OR ITALIAN IS QUITE DIFFICULT. LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A MEET UP FOR GAY WOMEN IN THE LOCAL AREA, WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE A I DIDN’T HAVE TO TRAVEL VERY FAR AND B IT’S NICE TO GET TO KNOW PEOPLE WHO LIVE FAIRLY LOCALLY. TONIGHT I HAVE A DATE WHICH I’M QUITE LOOKING FORWARD TOO, I’VE ONLY SPOKEN TO THE WOMAN I’M MEETING ONLINE SO IT’LL BE INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT SHE IS LIKE. SPEAKING OF WHICH I’D BETTER GO AND GET READY OR I’LL BE LATE.

** ** **

JUST GOT BACK FROM THE DATE, WHICH WAS VERY NICE. THE WOMAN I MET WAS INTELLIGENT, A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST AND SHE MADE ME LAUGH WHICH IS ALWAYS GOOD. MY POINT WAS PROVEN ENTIRELY THOUGH WHEN, PART WAY THROUGH DINNER SHE SAID, “SO… I’VE READ SOME OF YOUR BLOG.” IMMEDIATELY MY HEART SANK AND I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT. “DID YOU REALLY GO TO THAT SEX PARTY?”
SO AFTER WE DISCUSSED SAID PARTY I COULDN’T HELP SAYING, “OK SO NOW YOU HAVE TO TELL ME YOUR SEXUAL HISTORY.” AND I DID EXPLAIN TO HER THAT THE IMBALANCE MADE ME SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE. WE HAD A LAUGH ABOUT IT THOUGH AND MY SEXUAL ANTICS DIDN’T SEEM TO PHASE HER. MAYBE IT COULD BE A GOOD THING THAT WOMEN KNOW HOW ADVENTUROUS I CAN BE BECAUSE THEN THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE LETTING THEMSELVES IN FOR, HEEHEE. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I REALLY AM GOING TO REMOVE THE LINK BECAUSE I WOULD MUCH RATHER MY ADVENTUROUS SIDE BE BOUGHT UP IN CONVERSATION BECAUSE I WANT IT TO BE, NOT BECAUSE SOME ONE HAS READ ALL ABOUT IT. I HAD A LOVELY EVENING THOUGH AND CAN SEE A POTENTIAL FRIENDSHIP FORMING IF NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS. SO WHAT’S THE PLANB FOR THE WEEKEND? I’M OUT TOMORROW NIGHT, AND THEN I’M NOT SURE WHAT’S GOING ON THE REST OF THE TIME, THIS IS THE WEEKEND I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING TO THE LESBIAN ARTS FESTIVAL WITH DL WHICH I’M OBVIOUSLY NOT GOING TO NOW, SO MAYBE I’LL DO SOMETHING SPONTANEOUS INSTEAD.

Also, appologies if this post has come out in capital letters, my lap top appears to be having a fit.

Boo!

I have a cold!
I thought I was doing well this year, most of the people I know having had one at some point. And there I was thinking how good my immune system must be, until yesterday. I met Mr C and his girlfriend in the pub in the afternoon for food and drinks, and I noticed I started feeling a bit ropey after we headed back to mine, and this morning I feel worse. Kind of a bit fuzzy with a sore throat and sneezing. We spent almost the entire evening talking about sex last night. I don't quite kno why, but it just happened that way. I think I know more about their sex life now than I perhaps wanted too, the most amusing point is that Mr C has to stop for a rest half way through these days, heehee. I'm also leading in the slut stakes as he now has a steady girlfriend and I'm single, so I've overtaken him in the numbers of women bedded contest lol. Very childish, but highly amusing to see him looking quite concerned when I mentioned it yestterday. I also got rather concerned when he said he'd been watching a porn clip on the internet the other day and one of the women in it sounded a lot like me.
"You are joking," I said, thinking back to the home movies I'd made with DL in the past., and wondering if she'd started to hate me enough to put them on the net. So when we got back here I made him download the clip he'd seen just to check it wasn't me, which thankfully it wasn't. But then we ended up spending the rest of the evening watching lesbian porn and discussing the joys of anal sex and fisting. Hmmm.

So today I'm meeting my friend Caroline for coffee and cake and then tomorrow my busy week starts. I just hope I don't feel too ill to have to stay in bed and miss anything.

Sex Party

Women trickle in one by one at first, introduce themselves, start chatting, get a drink. Then more women arrive, thicker and faster now as the time to start playing games is almost here. Women take up their positions, the games begin. Women start kissing, sharing fantasies, taking off clothing. They eventualy move through to the various other rooms and after some time you follow.

Women on beds, women on floors, their bodies intertwined, kissing, touching, licking, sucking, fucking, moaning, panting, sliding, rubbing, bighting, spanking. And you, you are in the middle of it all, both nipples in other peoples mouths, two pairs of hands exploring your body, each of your hands and your mouth on some one else's body. You are being fucked, and getting fucked, sometimes you know who by, other times not.

Every once in a while you stroll through to the kitchen, naked, to get refreshments, and to go to the bathroom and freshen up. That's when you are acosted by a beautiful mediterranean woman who appears to be alone and not involved in the play. She touches your face, your skin, your breasts, lets her hands slide down your body telling you how beautiful you are, how soft your skin is and how she is finding it difficult to converse with the other women because her English is not good. So you start conversing in her language, not yours, and when you struggle to find the words you kiss, tongues find each other, bodies press close. She is still fully dressed, you are not. She pushes you against the counter, grinding, thrusting her hips. You fumble to put down your drink, take her hands and guide her through to a bedroom. There is no space on the bed, so you lie on the floor and start fucking her. She is open, wet, willing, curvatious and supple. Your fingers glide with ease, she thrusts harder, you fuck faster. Then you are on your back and she is between your legs, her head buried. There are women in the doorway watching you and also the people on the bed. Some one comes up behind your mediterranean lover and spanks her arse. She moans and you shudder with pleasure. Later you are in the other bedroom up against the wall, she is fucking you hard and you are holding on to her, moaning, arching your back and lifting your hips. After a while you slide a hand between her legs and you are rocking, fucking, inside each other simultaniously. Then suddenly she lets herself go and gushes everywhere, hot, wet, sticky ejaculation. It takes you both by surprise and the women watching murmer in appreciation. Then you are on a bed with her, still inside each other while two women who are lying next to you do the same.

At a later point you lie on the floor of a room, watching three women on a bed. One is fucking the other two with a dildo on each thigh. It's hot, very hot. There is a woman on the floor next to you also watching, and you can feel the heat of her excitement. You lie back and place a hand between your own legs, letting her watch this too.

Later still there is a group of you lying in bed, so close together you are skin to skin. You talk and laugh and try to sleep although it is somewhat impossible. But it is nice to feel the warmth of a body next to you, some one's arm around your waste as you lie with your back to them in a drowsy state of bliss, your mind reeling at the things you have just experienced.

Those are just some of the highlights of last night...
What an incredible set of memories!

oh my god it's tomorrow!

I've hand washed my sexy black dress...
I've decided on shoes...
I've been out and purchased 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka to help overcome my nerves... (think that's a bit excessive?)
Tomorrow I will pluck, preen, expholiate and moisturise to make sure my skin looks and feels gorgeous...
All i have to do now is decide on jewelery for the event. The dress is black as I said and I'll wear gold eye shadow and lip gloss, so silver jewelery doesn't really cut it, and I don't have much gold. Hmm... Maybe my pink stones? Or clear cristal?
I spoke to some one online yesterday who has been before and is going again. She too was very nervous but assured me that everyone is very friendly and you won't be on your own for long. *grin*
All I have to do now is get there looking fuckable...

In other news, I've had two successive dinner dates cancelled in a row. Yesterday my friend DT and her boyfriend had to cancel because she was working late, and today I was supposed to go to an ex coleagues house for dinner, but he texted this morning saying he'd completely forgotten and could we rearrange. Lol!
*sniffs own arm pits to see if they are omiting an unpleasant odour of some sort).

So tonight, it's me, Una and dinner for one in front of the tv as no one seems to be going out.
Tomorrow night however hopefully it'll be dinner for many, and it'll be me they're feasting on!
haha!

My week up north and my week ahead

My week up north was lovely. I had time to relax, I got my hair newly cut and styled, went for a massage and had my eyebrows waxed. I bought some new clothes, went for dinner with friends, stayed with Kim for a couple of days and in the process of all that managed to send off a couple of job applications. I returned to London on Friday afternoon and only had a couple of hours to get ready to go out to meet H and S for S's 30th birthday drinks. I stayed over at their place that night as it was a long way to get back, and came home on Saturday morning. Had breakfast, a much needed orgasm and showered before again going out. This time I was going to meet some women from GB for dinner, most of whom I'd never met before. I waited outside Covent Garden station for 45 minutes not spotting anyone and convinced I'd got the time wrong or something. I was just about to leave and go home when one of the women called my mobile and we found each other. We went for dinner and drinks and I had a lovely time. I had the dog with me so didn't go clubbing but to be honest I was shattered from all the traveling I'd been doing and came home and slept like a log. Today I've not been doing much, just reading lots, watching some TV and later on Baby G is coming over to spend some time before she goes to New York later this week.

While I was at H and S's we watched a replay of Diary of a Call Girl, a docu-soap that's been on the tv, about the escapades of a call girl. In this episode she was being paid to attend an adult sex party with a client, and watching it made me really really nervous about the upcoming party on Saturday. I know it's only tv but it made me start to think about everything, and now I'm worrying about what to wear, whether I'll be confident enough to approach people or if I'll just go in to my shell because I'm so nervous. I worry that no one will find me attractive and I won't get any action, and about how I'll feel being semi nude or even naked in front of lots of other women who's bodies I'm sure will be much better than mine. I've been really good this week with food but don't seem to have lost any weight, I don't know what underwear to put on, whether to go with the smooth shaved look or whether having some hair is more preferable, god there's so much to consider! All of this is mingling with the excitement I feel about going. H and S are dog sitting for me which is great, and they're almost as excited as I am. As the time is getting closer the more I'm starting to feel aprehensive, although obviously it's a huge turn on that I'm actually doing it. The common comment among the friends that I've told seems to be "gosh I wish I had the balls to do something like that," and it's such a huge fantasy for me that it almost feels unreal that I'm actually going to go and take part in something like that. I just hope it works out in my favour!

Right now though the most exciting thing I'm doing today is reading Snowflower and the Secret Fan, which is actually great. Another book I would strongly recommend, one I've just finished, is A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hoseini. Any recommendations from my readers?

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

So the new job has started, and already Ii’m shattered! They say that the first week is the hardest though, I sincerely hope so because I would like to stop feeling like all I want to do is go to bed when I get home at around seven thirty. And the crap thing is that it’s not long after that that I need to be in bed anyway if I want to get up feeling vaguely human in the morning, aaahh dare I say I miss being a student? Seriously though the job is great and they’ve totally thrown me in at the deep end putting me in charge of an immense nation wide project. I’m not shitting it, honest!

So Monday was the first day. I have to say I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my stomach all day long, especially on the way in. But I soon got in to it and towards the end of the afternoon I was happily making phone calls and getting stuck in. On Monday night HBS came over for some dinner and dessert, :P which was lovely as always and a great way to de-stress after my first day. I told her that’s how I should de-stress every day after work and she laughed and called me “yummie”, which is a new one. Just as we were getting cosy the phone rang and she insisted I see who it was. It was my dad so I ignored it and two minutes later it rang again. Exasperated I picked up and told him, "go away! I'm shagging!" To which he pissed himself laughing and said he'd call me the day after. When I did eventually speak to him yesterday he said, "getting hold of you is like trying to contact the bloody Pope. Although the Pope wouldn't usually pick up the phone and say "go away I'm shagging!"" Very amusing. If you haven't already gathered we're very open about sex in my family.

Yesterday, what did I do yesterday apart from work…? God I can’t remember, that’s terrible! Aahh yes that was it, I came home and had a singing lesson for an hour, then ate dinner and then spent an age on the phone to various people, because while I was talking to one person some one else would call, and I’d have to call them back, and it seriously went on like that for a good hour and a half until in the end I thought fuck it and stopped returning people’s calls and went to bed. This evening I really wanted to go to the group in town, but either the message didn’t get passed on to the group leader, or she didn’t get chance to return my call and so I couldn’t meet her before hand and still can’t find it by myself, so gave up on the idea and went to bed and watched tv for a couple of hours. To be honest it probably did me good because I have a horrible cough and cold that I’ve caught from DL and spent most of today trying not to cough down the phone to potential clients, or in the face of the company executive and directors who I met with in the afternoon. I’m also hoping I’m not going to get in to trouble because while I was on my lunch break I tried to log on to ginger beer, and it came up with a message saying “this site is considered as offensive by business systems and your attempt to access it has been reported”. I very nearly pooped my pants and sat in a mild state of panic for about an hour furiously working away and expecting a member of IT to either come and bolock me or call me up and have a word in my ear. It’s not like it’s porn or anything though so hopefully they’ll just glance at it and let me off. Will have to save the chatting for when I get home I guess.

So yeah, that’s about it, not sure what I’m doing with my evenings for the rest of the week, or with my weekend. I am supposed to be going to a meal thing on Saturday night with lots of lesbians who I’ve never met before, so I’m very very nervous and rather excited about the prospect, and need to find some one to dog sit for the evening so that I don’t have to worry about her. I’ve also gotten back in touch with a friend who I haven’t spoken too in a couple of months because we weren’t seeing eye to eye on various different things for a while and decided to stop talking. We’ve been chatting online though and things seem amicable enough which is nice because I did find to my surprise that I missed her when she wasn’t around, even though she bugs the hell out of me sometimes.
Ok I’m off to have a shower and then go to bed, then it’s back to work again tomorrow. Night folks. I’m going to snuggle up with the dog as I don’t have a woman in my bed, how depressing.

Part 1, Discovery

Me and TK, that’s how it always was, right from the start. I met her when I was two and she was four, although obviously I have no recollection of our first toddler meeting. She’s always been there in my life, there everyday when I was growing up. We grew up side by side, so different and yet so connected as kids. She lived a couple of streets away, our mothers were friends, we went to the same schools, played together when we got home, spent weekends at each other’s houses. We were inseparable. One of our favourite activities was to make tape recordings of us acting. I would be the wife, and she the husband, I the daughter’s best friend, she the daughter. The husband and wife didn’t really get along too well, probably a reflection of both our home lives, but the daughter and her friend were as we were. So many times we would stand and argue with our mothers in mortal protest, we couldn’t possibly go home yet, we hadn’t finished this particular play, the character had this to do and that to do, and we just couldn’t stop until we’d finished. So our mothers would usually relent and we would sleep at whoever’s house we were at, going to school together in the morning. We were complete opposites. I was loud and bouncy, extroverted and hyperactive. TK was quieter, calmer, the tranquil counterpart to my energetic personality. In many ways we were like chalk and cheese, but for many years we went together like bread and butter.

Then one night, something happened that would change our relationship forever. She was staying over at my house. It was a Saturday, I must have been seven or eight, she nine or ten. We were lying in bed facing each other, the TV on in the background. We must have been talking as we always did, but all of a sudden we stopped. I don’t remember who kissed who first, I just remember the feeling of her face being so close to mine, our noses touching, her breath on my skin, inching forward little by little, absolutely terrified and incredibly excited. The first kiss was a quick one, then she said she had to go to the toilet and got up. But then she came back, and it was like she’d never left. That night we kissed for hours and hours, giggling every now and then and not saying a lot. I remember feeling so nervous, part of me knowing that it wasn’t quite right, yet loving it all the same.

In those early years our relationship was simple, pure and innocent. We did little except cuddle each other and kiss, and it wasn’t until the tingling between my legs came that the trouble started. Then we progressed to lying on top of one another, pressing our lower bodies together hard, willing our tingly bits to touch each other. We would rock back and forth, and we found that it worked better if we moved up and down on each other’s hips, because that way the tingly part was rubbed and it felt much more satisfying. All this we did with our clothes on, at first. We’d giggle about it together, it was our little secret, and then TK started asking me if we could have a cuddle when other people were around. Of course neither of us understood it was anything out of the ordinary, and so when my mother asked me one day, “what do you do when you cuddle,” I started to giggle and whispered in her ear. I don’t remember exactly what I told my mum, but the next Saturday afternoon that TK came to my house, we were rubbing on each other’s hips, when my mother crept in to the bedroom and stood silently observing the scene. It was only when she moved that I realised we weren’t alone, and then boy did she go crazy. She ranted at us for ages, scaring us both so much that we were both crying. She said that what we were doing was wrong and inappropriate, and that if we ever did it again she would stop us from staying at each other’s houses. Of course this prospect was terrifying to us both, and we swore we’d never do it again and begged her not to stop us from playing together. So my mum relented and didn’t stop us from staying overnight, and for a while we lay on the edges of the narrow single bed, not daring to touch. But then TK started to complain, saying that she missed what we used to do. At first I was too scared to do anything and told her we couldn’t do it anymore, but the truth was that I was missing it too, and so with time, we went back to the way things were. This time was different though, because we knew that for some reason what we were doing was wrong, and so swore to never mention it to a single sole. The thing was, we didn’t know why it was wrong, just that adults wouldn’t be happy if they found out we were doing it again.

As time went on we grew bolder with each other, the clothes came off, and we started touching each other, rubbing where it felt good to rub with our fingers. Then one evening my cousin was babysitting me while my mother went out, and I was allowed to stay up unusually late. My cousin was watching something on TV about people called “lesbians”, and it was all about their relationships. I asked her what lesbians were, and she said that it was when two women loved each other and were together. I remember lying on the living room floor, pretending I wasn’t at all interested in the TV. The programme was quite sexually explicit, the women were talking in detail about their love affairs, and I think I asked my cousin what lesbians did. All I remember her saying was “they lick each other and stuff”. In no way did I associate the word lesbian with myself, but I did realise that what the women were doing applied to TK and I, and so the next time we were intimate, I told her about the programme and what my cousin had said, and suggested that I try licking her there to see if she liked it. God I was as nervous as hell, I remember getting her to lie on the edge of the bed with her legs open while I knelt on the floor, pulling her trousers down and inching my face forward. It took an age for me to actually put my tongue there, so long that she started to complain and suggest that we just not do it. Of course I was insistent that I wanted to try it, and finally plucked up the courage to taste her. I’ll never forget that experience. There was something incredibly pleasurable about doing it which I enjoyed, but I remember that she had long hair, and I really didn’t like that, and still don’t to this day. I was eleven when I first went down on TK, and we didn’t stop doing it for a few years after that.

One particular incident I remember, was when we were at her house. I remember feeling so horny, although I couldn’t put a name to what that feeling was back then, just an aching between my legs that I knew only she could satisfy. So we’d been touching each other in her room, by this time I was twelve and she fourteen, and afterwards she said, “but doesn’t this mean we’re lesbians?” I said, “Don’t be silly, we just love each other.” She didn’t seem so sure, but I was adamant that we were not lesbians, because it was a word I associated with people who were grown up, women who I didn’t feel I had a connection with at all. All I knew was that I loved my friend, and I liked what we did together and that was fine.

Then high school came, and my friend’s all started to get boyfriends. They would talk about some girls and say, “she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s a lessa,” and I would listen and start to become afraid. I began to panic, and confided in one of my close friends over the phone that I thought I might be a lesbian because I fancied girls and did things with TK, and wasn’t interested in boys at all. She suggested that I talk to our PE teacher at school, because all the girls said she was a lesbian and she’d no what to do. For weeks I pondered the issue, and eventually got my friend to write a note to Miss A, saying that I needed a private chat with her. My face must have been scarlet when I handed over the note, and she told me to meet her the next day after registration. That poor woman! Whether she was gay or not that meeting must have been so uncomfortable for her, as well as for me. I remember sitting on a chair beside her, trembling all over, not knowing what to say now that she was there and listening to me. I just kept stuttering, “I’m, I’m, I’m,” and in the end she said, “you’re what?” “I’m like you!” I blurted out, and then felt completely ridiculous, yet relieved that I’d sort of spoken the words to an adult. I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation, but I do know that she picked up on the fact that I was trying to say I was gay, and then proceeded to tell me she wasn’t gay and that whoever had told me she was had been mistaken. I was mortified and remember feeling completely stupid. She told me that it was probably a phase I was going through, and not to worry about it, and that if I felt the same way in a few years time then to give it some more thought. Looking back I do think she was gay, or she wouldn’t have figured out what I meant, as the words never actually came out of my mouth, but of course she had to cover her back being a teacher and so obviously wouldn’t admit it to me. I went away feeling just as confused as before, but a little relieved because I’d told some one what I was going through. I didn’t tell her about TK though, and we carried on as usual.

Then my parents found out…