My week up north and my week ahead

My week up north was lovely. I had time to relax, I got my hair newly cut and styled, went for a massage and had my eyebrows waxed. I bought some new clothes, went for dinner with friends, stayed with Kim for a couple of days and in the process of all that managed to send off a couple of job applications. I returned to London on Friday afternoon and only had a couple of hours to get ready to go out to meet H and S for S's 30th birthday drinks. I stayed over at their place that night as it was a long way to get back, and came home on Saturday morning. Had breakfast, a much needed orgasm and showered before again going out. This time I was going to meet some women from GB for dinner, most of whom I'd never met before. I waited outside Covent Garden station for 45 minutes not spotting anyone and convinced I'd got the time wrong or something. I was just about to leave and go home when one of the women called my mobile and we found each other. We went for dinner and drinks and I had a lovely time. I had the dog with me so didn't go clubbing but to be honest I was shattered from all the traveling I'd been doing and came home and slept like a log. Today I've not been doing much, just reading lots, watching some TV and later on Baby G is coming over to spend some time before she goes to New York later this week.

While I was at H and S's we watched a replay of Diary of a Call Girl, a docu-soap that's been on the tv, about the escapades of a call girl. In this episode she was being paid to attend an adult sex party with a client, and watching it made me really really nervous about the upcoming party on Saturday. I know it's only tv but it made me start to think about everything, and now I'm worrying about what to wear, whether I'll be confident enough to approach people or if I'll just go in to my shell because I'm so nervous. I worry that no one will find me attractive and I won't get any action, and about how I'll feel being semi nude or even naked in front of lots of other women who's bodies I'm sure will be much better than mine. I've been really good this week with food but don't seem to have lost any weight, I don't know what underwear to put on, whether to go with the smooth shaved look or whether having some hair is more preferable, god there's so much to consider! All of this is mingling with the excitement I feel about going. H and S are dog sitting for me which is great, and they're almost as excited as I am. As the time is getting closer the more I'm starting to feel aprehensive, although obviously it's a huge turn on that I'm actually doing it. The common comment among the friends that I've told seems to be "gosh I wish I had the balls to do something like that," and it's such a huge fantasy for me that it almost feels unreal that I'm actually going to go and take part in something like that. I just hope it works out in my favour!

Right now though the most exciting thing I'm doing today is reading Snowflower and the Secret Fan, which is actually great. Another book I would strongly recommend, one I've just finished, is A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hoseini. Any recommendations from my readers?