Saturday, December 30, 2006

Xmas Cheer

I really wanted to post on xmas day, as I thought I would be left feeling bored and melancholy. Quite the opposite happened in fact, I didn't have time to
stop and think at all which was exactly what I needed, and the day went by in a flash...

Woke up around ten and went downstairs to find no sign of my mother. I thought about shouting, "this isn't right, you should be sitting by the fire with
a sack full of presents that Santa's bought for me, I shouldn't be standing here in an empty livingroom with no one in sight and the presents still under
the tree, not stacked in a pile waiting to be opened!" But then I remembered I'm not five years old anymore, and so did the grown up thing of waiting until
she came back and not mentioning anything. She came hurrying through the door, calling over her shoulder to the next door neighbour who she'd borrowed
two dining chairs from, to go with our borrowed dining table so that we could actually eat xmas dinner in a civilised fashion, not on the sofa with trays
on our laps.
We gave Una her stocking first, and she caused great amusement by wripping it open with her teeth and claws, and then snuffling all the way to the bottom to get out the toy. So that kept her good while we opened our gifts, which we took turns at doing. I did really well this year especially as I hadn't asked
for much because there wasn't anything in particular I wanted. So I got quite a bit of money which I'm putting towards my China trip, and lots of accessories
and cosmetics, and far too much chocolate, as well as a beautiful ring from DL, and an aroma stone from Baby G which I've wanted for ages. My dad also
did remarkably well, but that was because his girlfriend had bought all my presents, so I didn't get anything I didn't like which was great.
After the opening of gifts, my step sister and her mother came round for about half an hour, and forgetting it was xmas day, I gave my sister a telling
off for getting three detentions in her first term in high school. She sort of gave me a look that said, "you can't tell me off today, it's christmas,"
and so feeling awful I tickled her and changed the subject quickly. After they'd gone we prepared the dinner, which, given my mother's complete lack of
skill in the kitchen, came out remarkably well. I ate far too much, including six, yes six, yorkshire puddings, ok stop chanting "you fat bastard" please,
I'm going on a diet tomorrow, I promise!

The afternoon was spent with family friends, and then in the evening I went to my dad’s girlfriend’s for a buffet, I’ve actually met her three times now I can’t believe it, considering it’s taken almost a year of them going out before I got introduced. That might have something to do with the fact that she’s closer to my age than his, she being 26 and my dad being 43. Haha my dad is such a player! He doesn’t look his age though, never has done.

Boxing day was spent half at Kim’s drinking whine and eating mince pies, and the other half at my cousin’s eleventh birthday party, where once again I ate far too much food. I’ve had the constant feeling of being uncomfortably full for about a week now, and it really has to stop. On the 28th I packed all my shit, well most of it, mum’s bringing the rest to Sheffield when I get back, and with a bulging suitcase and belly haha, laptop bag stuffed full, and an equally fat dog from all the turkey in toe, I borded the train for good old London village which is where I am at present. I met up with DL when I got there, and we had dinner which was lovely and not at all stressful, she seems to have calmed down considerably which is a relief. I’m staying at Baby G’s flat, and I’ve had a lovely couple of days. There is stuff I do want to talk about that has happened, but I’m going to save it for the new year, but let’s just say I have the feeling that 2007 will be a good year…

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

In my neighbourhood

Slept in late today after not getting to sleep until around one this morning. Slept like a log though and woke up feeling refreshed, with the dog clicking up and down on the wood floor needing a wee and my mother putting her full weight against the bedroom door - it took her about thirty seconds to figure out it was actually locked! My dad came round with Albert for a while, and tried to ask me lots about what was going on with DL and I. I wasn't very responsive at all, so he gave up in the end. After that I walked down to the local shops with Una and my mother, and it really was a trip down memory lane.

I was raised, and my mother still lives, in the kind of neighbourhood where everyone knows everyone. It's not even a small village, just people are very friendly and if you're a member of a well known family you're always recognised. Well all the older people remember my grand parents, and all the rest know my mum and her eight brothers and sisters who all went to the local school, and their children and children's children. Whenever I come home I inevitably get from my mum, "oo I saw so and so the other day, he/she's dying to see you, we'll have to go and say hello for two minutes," which usually ends up being more like an hour making polite conversation with some one I hardly know but who seems to know all about me. So today was exactly the same on our trip down to the shops, we just had to go in to the farmacy and say hi to the woman who's always worked behind the counter and watched me grow up, we just had to stop and chat to people on the street, we bumped in to an aunty and cousin who I haven't seen in about three years... Now my family are all fairly close, but my uncle G has never bothered with the rest of the brothers and sisters for some reason so we hardly ever see him or his family, but they were the ones who we saw today. Unsurprisingly they can't make the family meal that's happening on Saturday, and he won't visit anyone over xmas, miserable git. We were also stopped by Stan, on old man who has lived on the main road for years, and who again has watched me grow up. Part of the conversation was:
Stan: "So have you got a boyfriend yet? I thought you'd be married by now!"
Me: "Are you kidding? I've got more sense than that, come on."
A topic very well handled I think, although I was tempted to say, "no actually I'm a lesbian." Don't think it would have gone down very well though somehow. It was such a lovely walk though, I usually get really pissed off at being stopped, but today I really didn't mind. It's kind of nice being here after so long, it's been over four months since I was here last, and some of the people I saw today I hadn't seen for years.

I'm now going to go and see my next door neighbour's, C and D, who are my substitute grand parents. You can garantee that within five minutes of being there I'll get:
C: "You haven't lost any weight have you? Look at that belly!"
D: "Have you got yourself a young man yet? Are your friends looking after you?"
You've gotta love em though, lol.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Driving home for christmas

Well, what can I say, things couldn't run smoothly forever...

I don't want to go in to detail, but things got messy between DL and I over the weekend, we crossed lines verbally, emotionally and physically that should never be crossed and I'm not proud of the way either of us behaved. It's changed things between us and I think it'll be a while before we can resolve any kind of friendship. We've hurt each other too much, yesterday she took the day off work because she hadn't slept at all the night before. She cried uncontrolably last night, for hours, saying she felt like she was going crazy. Not knowing what to do I called her mum and said that despite what DL might want, she needed to be at home with her family because I thought that being around me was hurting her more than helping her. So this morning she threw everything in to bags and left in a state of anger and tears. I heard the tyres of the car screetch off down the road as she flawed the peddle. I just hope she'll be ok...

My mum's coming to pick me up this afternoon and so I'll be staying there longer than planned. More than likely after a couple of days I'll be going crazy being back at my parents, but right now I can't think of anything I'd like more than to curl up on my mum's couch before the fire, drinking tea and eating home made cooking.
I just hope the pain eases for both of us, and that we can make the best of christmas. I'm just not thinking about anything, that's the way I'm coping at the moment because I know if I let myself cry, that'll be it, I'll be useless, and I won't allow myself to get that way.
So, I'm going home for xmas, I'll keep you posted...

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Oh Tanenbaum oh Tanenbaum

Yes! We did it! We took our first step towards getting in to the xmas spirit, as much as we can at least.
This evening, painsteakingly, agonisingly, we put up the tree. I say painsteakingly because it took about two hours to do in total, because the lights were in a complete mess from last year and they took about an hour and a half to untangle and put on the tree. It was a bittersweet moment for both of us, partly because we remember how wonderful and magical last year's xmas was for both of us because we were together, and because we know that this year instead of spending it together as planned we will go our separate ways. At different periods through the tree being put up, DL cried and I held her, we flirted and got in a tangle with the lights together, and laughed and got excited about decorations we'd forgotten. It was, as I said, a bittersweet moment.

But now we're on the way to joining in the festivities, just have the xmas shopping to do and cards to write. we're also having our own xmas day at some point next week. I don't think the dog knows quite what to make of it all, she just stared at it and you could tell she was thinking, "why is that monstrosity where my bed used to be?" and, "hmm, I wonder what i can steal from the lower branches." I expect to hear crunching noises and have to extract things from out of her mouth over the weeks to come. That reminds me, she stole the sandwich I made yesterday while I was distracted by being on the phone and answering the door at the same time. Little sod.

The photo, by the way, is one taken of the tree last year as we haven't had time to take any yet. It looks more or less the same though.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Back at the flat

Woo! Where is the week going?

On Monday I spent the majority of the day at uni in class, and I read some more of my fiction writing out which went down well. Then afterwards I went to S and M's and had dinner with S, and in the process I managed to get signed up for something I don't really want. A milk man knocked on the door asking if we would like milk delivered rather than going to the supermarket for it. Immediately thinking it was a great idea and that I would be supporting local farming rather than corperate supermarket chains I said yes and signed up. On reflection though after he'd gone, I noted that it's 50 pence a pint, and that they deliver at 6 AM. This is not good, especially considering we're in an apartment block and so he'll have to buz and wake us up. So I might have to cancel that one I think. After dinner DL came round and helped me move all my stuff back in to the flat, as S and M are going away for xmas and needed me to vacate their house. So I'm back.

It's going relatively ok so far, all things considered, and I have to say it's great to have my house back and not have to worry about anyone else. We have our moments, but they're not nearly as bad as before, and we usually manage to sort things out by talking them through. I've also had an email from some one wanting to view the flat, so fingers crossed. It is a guy though, so will have to see...

Still haven't gotten much work done, I really need to get my ass in gear if I don't want to be essay writing on xmas day. I've only got another week and a half before I'm off to my parents house. Still haven't done any xmas shopping either, although I did find a lovely pair of brown suede boots when out shopping last night, so I'm really pleased about that. Just have to find some black ones now and I'll be sorted. I think we're going to put the xmas tree up, as we haven't been at all festive, and although neither of us are in the mood, it'd be a bit of a traversty not to put a tree up, especially as we have a lovely big one with beautiful decorations that we bought last year. So hopefully that'll get done tomorrow evening. On Friday I'm meeting up with Sean for lunch, and on Saturday it's the xmas climax party at the uni, so I think the plan is to go to that too. Right now I'm off to have dinner before choir practice.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Me and my mooncup

On Thursday I met up with Kim for lunch, and we went to the university shop afterwards so she could buy some stuff for her period, where my world was revolutionised when she introduced me to the mooncup. For those of you who have never heard of one, or seen one, I strongly urge you to go and investigate further. Basically, it's this silacon cup that fits inside you when you have your period, and it catches everything. You just pull it out and empty it, wash it and in it goes again. Obviously at least after every period you should sterilise it to keep it clean, but it's more environmentally friendly, comfortable and generally much betterfor your body as it doesn't take away any of your natural vaginal moisture like tampons do. I spent most of yesterday reading up on them, and today when I was in Manchester with DL, I bought one. I'm wearing it now, and I have to say I can't even tell it's there. It forms a ceal with the walls of your vagina so no leakage either. It's great! I can't believe it's taken me until now to discover them. Anyway, if you want to know more, you can check them out at
I'll keep you posted on how I get on with mine, but so far, so good.

Had a great day today. Apart from being freezing cold and in agony with period pain, had a fab time walking around Manchester. On arriving at the train station I was immediately pissed off by the woman on the ticket desk. Honestly, I have to ask the question, why work on a desk where you're dealing with people all day long, if you're the most miserable, unhelpful person in the world? She was positively horrible, and when I asked her why I couldn't get a cheaper fair when I was booking a month in advance to go down to London in a very nice manner, her reply was, "why don't you try asking Mister Branson?" I walked away from the counter fuming, but quickly decided to move on, as it doesn't help that i've got really bad PMT. Manchester was extremely busy, but I love the atmosphere with all the street musicians and the crowds, it was lovely. We mooched around all the shops, and then DL took me to Frankie and Bennie's which I love, for dinner before we headed home. I'm now exhausted and still in pain, so I think I'm going to head to bed pretty soonish. But yay for a wonderful day, and of course, the mooncup!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Should I

Should I?
Actually start some work today
Spend time that I really shouldn't, chilling, reading and blog hopping.

Should I?
Stick with the origional blogger
Change to the blogger in beta

Should I?
Stay in all day tomorrow and attempt to do some work, when really I'll probably end up procrastinating as usual
Spend the day shopping in Manchester.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A play on words

You probably had to be there but…

I just have to write this, because it had me in fits of laughter for most of the evening. Just been out for the work xmas meal. I took Una along as I didn’t really wanna leave her in the house by herself, so myself and the dog were in the front of A (a woman from work)’s car, and Frankie, the Ant Myster and Jack were all in the back. I took the dog’s harness off so she had more room and passed it to the back for some one to take care of. On getting out of the car at our destination, Jack said to me as she was getting out,
“Oo, wait a minute, I forgot the strap-on, here it is.” And handed me the dog’s harness. Well I hit the floor laughing, and for the rest of the evening whenever anyone referred to the harness it was deemed the strap-on. I’ll never, ever be able to look at a strap-on in its true form in the same way ever again without laughing. Jack has ruined my sex life!

Busy busy busy!

I'm still here, just incredibly busy...

Had a great weekend all in all. Went to stay at the flat and my mum and her boyf, nicknamed The Dweeb came to stay. On Saturday we briefly went in to town and then had some food, and then in the evening went to see Pink, who was absolutely amazing. I think her concert was better than Christina's by a fraction, just because she made it more personal and really connected with the crowd and didn't take herself too seriously. Anyway had a wicked time and screamed myself hoarse.

On Sunday we took Una for a long walk in the park, and she spent ages swimming in the stream as usual and loved it. I don't know who had the most fun, her or my mother who was chasing her around when she wasn't canoodling with the Dweeb, god it's sickening, he's always all over her. After that we went for a calvery and then they departed. Went back to S and M's and spent most of the evening doing more chatting than working. I was surprised how well the weekend went actually. There were a few difficult moments when DL wasn't feeling so good, and we both felt wrotten when mum and the Dweeb started going on about xmas, especially him as he loves it apparently and wouldn't shut up about it. But apart from that it went reasonably well and I enjoyed spending time with them all. Oh apart from on Saturday my mother slammed the car door on my finger and it is now black.

This week I've just been doing stuff all the time. Working, chatting, working, chatting, eating, sleeping and the same all over again. That's basically been the pattern and I don't seem to have time to stop for five minutes. Consequently I'm sleeping better though touch wood because I'm more active during the daytime. Tonight I'm going out for a christmas meal with people from work which will be lovely, and then tomorrow my dad's coming to take me out for lunch. Haven't seen him for ages so I'm really looking forward to it. Generally I'm feeling a lot better this week, haven't had as many bad moments as before. Thumbs up!
Oh, and congratulations to NML who is going to be a mum to be! You can find her at