Office Xmas Party

Ug! I feel like death! It was the xmas party of the company I used to work for last night and I got an invite so went along. I have to say I haven't been that wasted in a while but I was one of about 400 people who were all hammered so at least I wasn't the only one. The party was held at a beautiful stately home type place that has been converted for public use in Belgravia and the theme was Las Vegas. I wore a black dress which was long and low cut with kitten heels, my hair down and my set of rose quartz jewelery. I think I've lost some weight recently and felt really good last night and I was really excited about seeing all my coleagues again because they are lovely people. I don't think I did anything too embarrassing, I didn't grope the boss or end up shagging some one I worked with or anything like that, but I did fall over quite spectacularly on the dance floor. I was dancing with one of the gay guys who happened to be wearing a kilt and I guess I must have tried to wrap my legs around his waste or something, because one minute we were dancing, the next minute I was flat on my back on the floor with him on top of me, his kilt up around his arse and people lifting him off me and helping me up. It was actually quite hilarious, he was obviously too pissed to hold my weight so we'd just hit the floor instead. I'm amazed my back is ok today though.

H and S were also there, the married lesbian couple I made friends with through work and they were trying to set me up with some random gay girl who apparently works there but who I' had never seen before. I don't think she was particularly interested though because after dancing together for a while she wondered off and later I saw her in the loos having a rather passionate snog with some other woman, which was fine with me because I just wanted to dance and wasn't interested in getting laid. At the end of the night we were all trying to get cabs and they were few and far between, so I ended up sitting on the pavement, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and then when the cab droppped Caroline and me off near my house she tripped over and went sprawling and I went down with her, ending up on my back for the second time that night. I vaguely remember making us cups of tea when we got in and somehow managed to take the dog out for a wee and then we must have just collapsed in to bed because the next thing I remember is waking up at around six this morning in my underwear dying of thurst with Caroline flat out beside me.

Apart from the fact that I'm paying for getting totally wasted today it was a fantastic night. It was a free bar so I hardly spent any money, I got to catch up with everyone again, I danced my arse off and had a really good giggle and then spent this morning drinking tea, eating toast and reliving the night's events with Caroline. I'm supposed to be meeting Naughty Angel tonight and possibly some other people for a night out, I think I might suggest going for a civilised meal or something because I don't think I could drink again. Spanish Girl has been making noises about wanting to come over tomorrow so maybe I'll see her once more before christmas and that'll be it. She's going back to Spain in the new year for a while so it'll probably fizzle out naturally then anyway. I'm off to have a nice long bath with a bath bomb from Lush and try and get back to feeling human again.

Officially Unemployed, for now!

Well this is the first day I haven't really had anything to take my mind off the fact that I am A not in work, and B have to start watching my money again. Damn! I got up this morning and applied for another job before I even had breakfast, and have been doing other stuff that needs sorting out, as well as finishing off my book. I'm bored. Yep, already, I'm bored. I'm going to apply for as many jobs as possible because if I'm not back doing some kind of work soon I'll start going crazy. My brain does not do well when it's idle.

What has been keeping me busy though...
Listening to three new albums I got yesterday. Jill Scott The Real Thing, Jennifer Lopez Brave and Lil Mo Pain and Paper. They're all good, but Jill Scott is the bomb as usual. I'm so excited about going to see her in December, even more so after listening to the new album. I particularly enjoyed the track called Celibacy Blues because it's totally my situation at the moment hahha.
Although saying that F called me last night and we ended up having extremely freaky totally amazing phone sex, although I didn't think it was going to happen at one point because every toy I tried to use kept dying on me which is not good. Finally got it sorted though and gave the neighbours something to listen too lol. She's so fucking nasty and I love it. She wants to come see me again soon and I'm definitely willing to accomodate. The only problem is is she's stone and last time she gave but wouldn't receive, and I really enjoy fucking as well as getting fucked, so I'll have to do some gentle persuading and see where it gets me. God I really have to think about something else other than sex! It's being at home all day that does it. Yeah right, who am I kidding, I think about it no matter where I am, especially if it's in a place where I really shouldn't be. I had a conversation with a friend over dinner one night last week and we were talking about our sex drives. She amazed me because she said that she can go months without even really thinking about sex let alone having it, and it's usually her girlfriend who instigates it and she herself isn't really that bothered. I was like, "damn I can't even go a week without masturbating, I start getting tense and irritable if I don't come." She laughed and said I should go and see a doctor, which is ironic as that's what she's training to become. We concluded that we are at opposite ends of the libidinal spectrum, but I do often wonder if other women think about it as much as I do. I have certainly met some who do, but still I wonder if my brain is more like a man's in that sense. I guess I'm just freaky and I make no appologies for that. Only six days to go until Saturday and the party.

In other news, today marks the anniversary of when DL and I got together three years ago, and in a couple of weeks it'll be the anniversary of our separation too. I wanted to email her today to acknowledge that I remembered and I was thinking about her and hoping she is doing ok, but I haven't because I think it would do more harm than good. It's difficult because by not hearing from me I know she'll be thinking I just don't give a fuck about her when that really isn't true, but I think the best course of action, for her more than anyone is to put some distance between us. We're supposed to be going to the York Lesbian Arts Festival in a few weeks, and I'm going to have to email her and gently tell her I'm not going. It would mean us spending the weekend together and staying overnight and that would be a recipe for disaster. I do hope she's ok though and I think today should be about remembering the good times rather than the bad. How happy I was when I met her, how quickly we fell in love, how I seduced her with my charms, heehee, how I told her my feelings and asked her out and how she accepted. Those blissful first few weeks, our first kiss, walking back from a bar one night holding hands feeling dizzy with love and happiness because we'd just told her friends that we were together. The first time she told me she loved me, lying on her single bed in our shared house. How we later made love for the first time on the same bed, one of the most perfect moments of my life. And everything that followed, the dates, the holidays, the restaurants, the fun we had, the plans we made, moving in to our own home together, the gifts, the sex. I remember it all, and even though towards the end it was shit and it was the most difficult break up of my life, I'll never forget her for the happiness she gave me.I loved her then, and I love her now, very much so, just in a different way, and whatever happens, whether we end up being friends, or if we go through life without each other, I'll never forget. I'm mentally sending her the tightest hugs in the world and all the love and strength I can muster, in the hope that she too will remember the happier times we shared, and find it within herself to pick herself up and move on, and find happiness elsewhere. She deserves it.

Home comforts

I’m sitting in the living room at my mother’s house. The TV is on, Una is curled up in front of the fire and mum’s cooking chicken stir fry in the kitchen which smells great. It’s been a rather emotional week all in all, what with worrying about DL and finishing my job. I don’t usually decide to come back and see the family in a great hurry, but all I could think about this morning was my mum’s nice warm house, some home cooking having the chance to offload some of my worries on to her and having her make me feel better. Ever since our trip to New York I’ve felt a lot closer to my mum, touch wood we haven’t fought so much and I’ve found myself calling her when I have a problem or just to laugh about some girl that’s pissed me off or some guy that’s messed her around. I’m feeling a bit flat at the moment to tell the truth, I no longer have a job although I’m applying for work obviously as I don’t want to be out of work if I can help it, and my love life isn’t exactly sizzling either. I did ask my crush if she wanted to have dinner, and she tactfully declined, so another one bites the dust disappointingly. I do know that I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people around me though, I’ve made some lovely friends through work and will definitely keep in touch with them.

On Thursday night I had my leaving drinks and everyone came and we all had a great time. They were all taking the piss because the single gay woman at work, the one who came on to me at the wedding did it again much to everybody’s amusement, and the drinks were lined up in front of me after which I wobbled home to bed, alone! Yesterday I went in to work and in the afternoon everyone crowded round my desk and I was given a beautiful bunch of flowers, some chocolates and a leaving card. Everyone hugged me and said how much Una and I would be missed, and I found myself starting to tear up and by the end of the day had a headache from saying goodbye to various different members of the team and trying to keep my tears under control. Last night Caroline and I went to H and her wife S’s for dinner. S cooked a lovely meal and after that we had pina coladas and squashed frogs, discussed who we’d shag in the office, bitched about some one none of us can stand at work, talked about how H and S met and their wedding, watched the wedding video, discussed the state of mine and Caroline’s love lives and I was finally driven home just after midnight to fall in to bed.

Interruption, the dog has just puked all over my mother’s rug, this is the second time today she’s been sick, she must have a stomach bug. Will have to take her to the vets on Monday.

So here I am up north, and it’s bloody freezing! When I boarded the train in London I was sweltering in my coat, so I took it off. As we got further north it got colder and colder and by the time I got here I had my coat back on and was shivering. So I’m going to spend the next few days catching up with family, and trying to put my step sister in her place as she’s apparently been being naughty in school. Then it’s off to Sheffield to see friends if some one will give me a bed. Just finished this post in time for dinner, or tea as we say up north!

Disappointing news, other people’s dogs, and bonding

Ok, let’s get the horrible part over with first. I didn’t get the job. And yes, I am very disappointed and am trying to look at it in a positive way in that something better is obviously out there waiting for me to snap it up. It’s not even so much not getting that particular job that bothers me because it wasn’t a really challenging role even. It’s the prospect of actually being out of work for any length of time,. Because too much of my own company sends me crazy, as does idleness and not stretching myself and so I am not looking forward to finishing my job in two weeks time and spending all my time on the net applying for jobs and graduate schemes. As far as the company I’m working for at the moment goes, the team I’m working with are great, but there is a lot of hidden burocracy and under cover agendas within the business, as well as the fact that some one I have to work closely with and who is higher up than me likes to play dirty and doubtless had a hand in the decision making about the job.

Anyway, enough of that, positivity is the way forward. I will get a job, I will get a job, I will get a job!!!

Wednesday evening was eventful, only in that DT was coming round for dinner on the Thursday and I’d decided to make curry. I knew I wouldn’t get in until later than usual because of the interview so I decided to make the currey the night before and keep it in the fridge so that all I’d have to do was to make the rice and heat everything through. So on Wednesday I tidied the flat, put my suit in the wash and set about cooking the currey. Everything was going fine until I left the currey on the hob and went to get my suit out of the machine, only to discover that something in there had fucking ripped all the lining in the jacket. I stood there having a minor panic attack and examining the damage, as well as checking the outside to see whether it was wearable. That was when the currey started to burn. Thankfully the suit was wearable, I’m just going to have to have the lining restitched, and I saved the currey which turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever made.

So DT arrived for dinner with lots of wine, and spent time having a good look around the flat while I finished the cooking. We also had a giggle about the dirty weekend she’s going away on, even though she tried to pretend it wasn’t a dirty weekend, and I told her about the party I’m going to in a few weeks, which she got very excited about. After dinner we spent a while examining outfits I’m thinking of wearing and deciding which would look more sexy and sophisticated, and discussing the DL situation, which in a nutshell is that we’re trying to be friends which is proving to be difficult because she’s still very much not over the break up. By the time she left we’d had rather a lot of wine and I was past being tipsy.

Friday I took the day off work and my friend R came down from Sheffield for the weekend. I was really looking forward to her visit but a little nervous as we’ve not really spent much time together outside a group setting apart from going for the odd drink before, and I wanted to make sure she had a good time. Anyway as I’m sure she’ll agree it was great, we talked for England, went for food on the Friday night with Baby G and another friend and got slightly tipsy, and on the Saturday we went to Hammersmith to do some shopping and ended up sitting outside a pub for three hours chatting a drinking pins. That evening we were both shattered so I cooked chilli and we hired a movie and had some wine. On Sunday we made lunch and took it and the dog to the Heath with DL, and although it was colder than the day before the sun managed to poke its head out of the clouds long enough for us to eat and then lie on the grass for a while while Una roamed around and fraternised with her fellow canines. She was a little apprehensive at first though because when we’d taken her to the park the day before, a man’s husky had gone for her and although it didn’t manage to bite her properly I think it scared Una and she stuck pretty close to me for a while. We dropped R back at the train station in the afternoon and I have to say it was a lovely weekend and I feel like I’ve gotten to know her lots better than I did. We’re very similar in many respects and she’s very easy company and a good conversationalist, plus she makes me laugh.

This afternoon my friend Kim is in town and we're having lunch and spending the afternoon together, and the rest of the week looks busy too. I'll write again at the weekend.

Going for it!

So here's the thing... I've had a couple of reacurring fantasies for a long time now. One is me and another woman fucking while being watched, by women of course. Another is being fucked by several different women at the same time. I tried to have a threesome when I was in colege but the mood wasn't right and it didn't feel too good so I stopped it as we were about to get in to it. It was with a woman I was seeing casually at the time and a friend of hers, and I just didn't find the friend attractive and she really wanted to play a lot with me and so it just didn't work. Ever since then I've had these fantasies, and they've fueled many an orgasm in the past. When DL and I were together and we would talk dirty in bed, the main thing that used to get me off was to imagine that there was some one watching us fucking and to have her join in part way through. The thought of it used to drive me mad, and I even did some scouting around on the net for a while looking for places we could go to meet people who wanted to swap partners. But although she said she would do it I didn't feel that she was totally in to it and so we never did anything about it.

Now, however, I am free and single, and when I got to london I found out about something that could potentially blow my mind if it turns out to be good. I'm not going to give the finer details of the events, but basically I saw an advert online for an all female sex party. Apparently they happen every couple of months and the last time it was taking place I really wanted to go but bottled it, then regretted not going straight away. Some one I know went and I spoke to her afterwards about what it was like and she said it was totally amazing, very classy and friendly and in a lovely location with sexy, attractive and friendly women, some of whom watched and others played at anything from masturbation to group sex. I was really pissed off that I didn't get to go and was mad at myself and swore the next time it came around I would go. So... I was online late last week and up popped the advert yet again. I knew what it would say and still I read it three times, and then sent an email to the organiser stating my interest. I got a lovely response back, and today we spoke on the phone to arrange the finer points of the night. All I have to do now is make the payment that is required to cover costs towards the hire of the location and everything that will be provided at the party. So I'm sitting here with the details, and I will make the payment tomorrow. I am both terrified and excited. I'm not intimidated by the fact that I could potentially end up having lots of fun with several different women all in one place, I find that part incredibly arousing. it's the going and not knowing anyone that I'm nervous about. I spoke to a friend of mine earlier today and she said she may be interested in coming too, and I'm kind of hoping she does because I think I'd feel a lot less nervous if I know some one else there. I am totally excited about the possibilities that I will be faced with, even if I just got to watch and didn't get any action it would be something I've never done before and which I know would completely turn me on. I won't be able to discuss what happens too much on here as there's obviously confidentiality issues, as a lot of the women who attend are proffessionals high up in their field and their privacy needs to be honoured and respected, but I just had to tell some one that I was going and how excited I am, and it's not exactly something you call your family or most of your friends about now is it? The only other thing I'm conscious about is my body, so I'm going on a strict diet for the next few weeks and even if I lose a couple of pounds it'll be something, and I'll hopefully feel good enough about my body to walk around at least semi nude, and won't be shy about getting naked with person or persons involved. This is the most daring thing I've ever done sexually and I'm hardly a virgin by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm utterly thrilled by the prospect.

In other news, had a fantastic few days catching up with friends. Thursday night I went to the relaunch of the Glass bar which was lovely, it was a warm evening and there were scores of women outside on the pavement drinking and talking, and music and more people inside. Although it's a very small venue and could do with a lot more work to get it looking ship shape, it's a fantastic women only space, the only one of its kind in London except for the Candy Bar and it was great to see so much support from the community. Didn't have too much of a late one as I had to be up for work on friday, and on Friday night DL came over and we watched Notes on a Scandal and got take out. Saturday my friend Simon was in town on his way to go and live in Paris, so we spent the afternoon together and had lunch and drinks outside in the sunshine and caught up on each others lives. In the evening i went to the bbq of an ex house mate DT, where I and most of the people there got very very drunk. I knew it was time to go home when the chair I was sitting on started feeling like I was on a fair ground ride and the room started spinning out of control. Don't really remember getting home to bed but woke up with a hang over unsurprisingly in the morning and figured I'd drank two bottles of wine to myself, lol. So I spent the day tidying up the messs that was my kitchen and doing the weeks worth of washing up that was there, God I miss having a dish washer. In the evening Baby G and another friend of ours CC came over and we ended up having a really girly night, cooking and chatting and putting the world to rights.. They left just after ten and I went to bed still feeling rough, then it was back to work today. I have a busy week ahead too, have gay groups tomorrow and Wednesday evenings, Thursday I have the job interview and DT is coming round for dinner and then my friend Rosie is coming to stay for the weekend which will be lovely.

I also got told today that they won't be extending my contract at work past the end of September, so unless I land this permenant position by some miracle, I'll be out of a job in a few weeks until I find something else. So I'm going to devote any spare time I have to job hunting and keep my fingers crosssed for the position I'm going for on Thursday. Not working for a little while might not be so bad as I'm considering a trip to New York in October. Baby G has vaginismus and so is going out there to get treatment and CC is going with her. I mentioned before that Baby G's boyfriend is already there through work and they're staying at his apartment, and Baby G is going to ask him if he wouldn't mind letting me stay as well. It'll be great if it all works out, we can have a girlie shopping, site seeing and coctails holiday which I'm in desperate need of at the moment, plus I get to be there supporting my best friend through what will be a traumatic and difficult few weeks for her.
I'm off to cook dinner now as it's getting late and I'm getting hungry, and silent Witness is on TV at nine which I want to watch. No doubt just as I'm getting in to it the phone will ring and that'll be it for the night which is what usually tends to happen when I try to watch something on tv lol.

Some Good News

While at work today I received some fairly good news. The place I’m working for want to extend my contract for another month. It’s doing something different to what I was originally there for, and it’s only part time, being half days, which is also reflected in the salary, but the good thing is it’ll at least pay rent on a new place to live and having the afternoons off will mean I can job hunt properly, or look for houses if I’m in temporary accommodation. So that cheered me up somewhat, I’m in work until the end of September at least. Feel slightly pissed at myself because last night BB and I were texting quite a bit and it was good to hear from her and just talk about ordinary stuff. At one point she said she’d been telling her best friend how amazing I was, which made me smile, but then I sent her a text today being cheeky and saying I was in the mood for some fun, any chance of getting any, anytime soon. The response I got back was very non committal, and teasingly I replied back that I could always get some one else to fill her spot. She didn’t respond to this at all and I sort of feel mad for putting myself out there again only to be waved away like some annoying child. God I don’t even know why I’m talking about it… On the up side though I’ve been chatting a lot lately with some one I’ve known for about a year now. We’ve never actually met in person, firstly started talking through blogging, then progressed to the phone. Now she lives about an hour away and there’s definite talk of us meeting up soon. Over time we’ve become really good friends, and on top of that we have amazing phone fun, but we stopped talking for a while because I was going through loads of shit with DL and it was effecting how I felt towards her. But we’ve recently reconnected and are becoming close again which is lovely, and I’m curious to see how we’d get on in person. She’s very hesitant about meeting, probably because she’s older and wiser than myself and is therefore being over cautious. Sometimes I get frustrated by this and she knows that, I’ve never been the most patient of people, but when I get settled in my new place she says she’ll come and visit. At the moment I’m enjoying getting both affectionate and smutty texts from her, phone calls that last for hours when I intend them to be minutes, plus she always makes me giggle, and has a way of boosting my mood if I’m feeling crap. At the moment we’re good friends more than anything, but it’s certainly nice to get some attention and to know some one is thinking of me in kind of a romantic way. God what’s wrong with me at the moment? I think the ice may be starting to melt… Anyway I’m waffling, mainly because I don’t have much to do this evening, and I’m trying to distract myself from having yet another session with my new toy that I bought on Saturday, it’s fab! This weekend my mother is coming to visit, which will be… nice, lol. God knows what I’m going to do with her though. And my God I need to get laid, I have to find myself a regular playmate, this is ridiculous!
Sorry that post was mainly random thoughts, it just works out that way sometimes.

Less is more

Do you know, I’ve felt myself changing quite a lot over the past few months, I don’t quite know how to explain it, it’s just that something in me has shifted, and although I had a zest for life before, it’s so much stronger now. I literally never stop, from when I get out of bed at seven in the morning until I collapse in to it at midnight if I’m lucky. I used to love curling up to read for hours, now I find myself getting easily distracted because I want to be on the go all the time, and when I do sit down for a period of time I usually fall asleep because I’m tired. Not sure if it’s healthy though because I rarely feel relaxed these days. Saturday was a complete and utter blurr really, I spent most of the day falling asleep and felt really bad because DL had come over to see me. I think she was mystified as to why I was so tired bless her, but I did wake up enough to cook dinner and then turf her out to sleep some more. We have actually had a discussion lately and we’re not going to see each other quite so much anymore, because to put it plainly she’s still in love, and I no longer feel that way for her. Plus I think being around me is making her view her counceling in totally the wrong way, that is she’s doing it in the hope that she’ll change in to a person I’ll fall back in love with. I know I’m being quite matter of fact, but to be honest it’s been over nine months now since the split, and enough is enough. No more emotional blackmail and feeling like if I distance myself from her she’ll do something stupid, it’s time for her to take responsibility for her actions, and me for mine and we both have to accept the fact that maybe we can’t really have a proper friendship yet, or maybe even ever unless we both properly move on. The other day she sent me flowers at work in the hope to cheer me up as I was pissed off, but it made me so mad, I actually thought, “why the hell are you of all people sending me flowers?” Maybe that’s a bit extreme but I just feel like a lot of the things she does are bids to try and pull at my heart strings, and while she can be sweet and send flowers and do things for me, she couldn’t let my graduation go by without causing a scene and making me cry, and it’s those things that matter to me and all the flowers in the world won’t change my memory of that day now. Anyway enough of that, onwards and upwards…

I had a meeting with my manager on Monday about the job offers, and I’m going to apply for a couple and see what I get. Maybe nothing will come of it, but all I can do is try I guess. I am slightly panicking about my living situation because I really do have to be out by the end of August and still haven’t found anything, so I could potentially be jobless and homeless by the end of the month. I’m trying to stay positive though, something will come up I’m sure. Work has been quite fun this week, it’s going surprisingly quickly and I’ve been busy until today. I’m sort of finishing the project I’m doing now and starting something new tomorrow so at the moment I’m at a bit of a loose end, and I figured that typing away furiously makes it look like I’m busier than if I sit playing with two five pence coins and dancing in my seat to my ipod, even if I am blogging. Last night I went to a new lesbian group in town and it was rather fun if a little tame. Tonight I’m going to the usual Wednesday group and tomorrow night I really have to spend surfing the net for properties. BB and I have also been keeping in touch since the weekend and I think we’re going to meet up on Friday, we need to discuss boundaries if we’re going to do the whole sub/dom thing, what is and isn’t acceptable that kind of thing. I really like her actually, she’s very sweet and thoughtful and obviously totally does it for me sexually so hopefully we’ll get on well as friends and playmates. This weekend I’m going to Brighton pride, woo! Ladies ladies and more ladies, not that I’m obsessed or anything haha. God I do love being single though, so many opportunities!

Suppose I’d better go and find something constructive to do, will write again soon. And to my real life friends who read this, I will send you emails soon, I promise, I know I’ve been crap at keeping in touch lately, still love ya though!

bored at work

I'm so bored at work that I'm writing a blog post ready to publish when I get home as I can’t access it from here. It’s been kind of a strange
and hectic week this week, and in some ways I don’t know where it’s gone in terms of my evenings, whereas work has dragged.

On Monday night Baby G came over for dinner. I went to get her from the tube station in the pouring rain with the dog being a bitch because she didn’t want
to go out in the wet. I made a spicey vegetable rice which I don’t think Baby G was too keen on, but then she does only eat pizza and beans on toast, oh
and currey with crisps in it haha. I bet she reads that and has something to say… Anyway we had a lovely evening, it was good just to catch up and I tried
to make her feel better about her dissertation, poor thing. On Tuesday I didn’t have anything planned for the evening, and was going to have a quiet night
at home, but got dragged out with work to a civil partnership reception, where I proceeded to get absolutely fucking wasted along with everyone else. It
was totally accidental, and I haven’t been that drunk in a while. One of the conversations interestingly though that a few of us had was about how many
gay people there are in our office. There’s a team of about 40 here, and we know of at least seven who are gay, and those are the ones who are out. I barely
remember getting home, don’t remember anything after that, apparently I drunkenly called my friends and stumbled around the flat for a while lol. Had a
fab time though and the woman in the office who got married and her girlfriend, or wife as she now is make a lovely couple. I also have to say that I think
it’s absolutely wonderful that so many people from work went to the reception without batting an eyelid. Times are really moving forward for us.

On Wednesday I had the hang over from hell and practically crawled in to work with my head up my own arse and spent most of the day feeling terrible. Went
to group in the evening which was good and I found out about another social group that happens on a Tuesday which I think I’ll go along too hopefully next
week.

This brings me on to yesterday now. Nothing really to mention about work apart from that I was manicly busy all day, but I did spend a lot of last night chatting
to a woman I started talking too online. We ended up speaking on the phone for a while and we’re meeting up for a drink tonight, and I have to admit I’m
rather excited. She sounds lovely, very sexy and intelligent so hopefully we’ll get on well when we meet. I’ve been fairly tired all day because I didn’t
get to sleep until late last night as we continued texting each other after we got off the phone supposedly to go to bed, and I have to say she's equally as flirtatious as I am and I wavoured between being very turned on and very tired for a while before finally going to sleep. We've also been emailing each other today, she's a little minx. so I’m going to go home and freshen up before going out again. Tomorrow I’m off to blue water to do some shopping and
then to a friend’s bbq in the evening, and Sunday I have the day to myself. Woops I just accidently kicked the dog who is lying under my desk, poor love.
She doesn’t seem that bothered though lol. I suppose I’d better make it look like I’m doing something constructive, I’m still waiting around for a meeting with my manager that should have been at
ten and that still hasn’t happened yet, and it’s almost three PM. Two hours to go until I can go home and start getting ready for tonight.

The Graduate

On Wednesday of last week I made the decision to stop thinking with my pussy and use my head for a change, and so I actually declined the offer of sex that evening by texting HBS in the morning saying that I couldn’t meet her after all. I did this because I don’t really like the situation, and it’s my fault, because I knew she was just experimenting from the beginning, but she really is very straight acting and I get the feeling that sleeping with me is kind of a game to her, and I’m not in to that. She has no idea how to treat a woman, no idea how to seduce or how to act afterwards, and the last time she came over she left me feeling rather strange and displeased. It’s not really any fault on her part, she’s just fundamentally heterosexual and that’s the way it is. This being proved by the fact that after I texted her she spent a little while texting me telling me about a guy she’d met up with the day before and how wonderful he was and how she’d loved “making out” with him. My point proven I think.

So instead of getting laid I went home to O’s house to have dinner with him and his friend A, who is rather sexy herself, and spent the evening perving, flirting, eating fantastic food and getting passively stoned from their smoking, and finished it off by having a fantastic orgasm while having phone sex with a friend. Much better I think.

Thursday was hectic, was up at six thirty, at the office by 8, on the way to Swindon by 9 where I spent the day with work, then headed straight back to London in the evening where I just made it in time to get the train with DL to Sheffield. Actually it was a bit of a nightmare because there were two trains on platforms next to each other, one going to Sheffield and the other going somewhere else, and we ended up getting on the wrong one because we were rushing and so had to get off at Leicester and wait for another one. We eventually arrived at the hotel at just after eleven in the evening and fell in to bed after grabbing a snack. Up at 8 the next day all excited and nervous about my graduation, and by ten the family had arrived and I was on my way to have my robes fitted. I have to say it was much more exciting than I thought it was going to be, it felt really good wearing the cap and gown and having everyone their to see me graduate. Photos to come, I promise, when I get the time to put them up online. The only bad part of the day was when DL got in to a strop because she wanted some photos taken by the professional photographer, and she and the family were disputing because each package cost a different price and she wanted one thing while everyone else wanted something else, and it all got a bit heated. It ended up with her causing a bit of a scene in front of everyone and my mother losing her temper with her and saying she thought DL had better leave. At this point I burst in to tears because they were both fighting with each other over some stupid photos that didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, and DL disappeared in shame while my family tried to console me. It was a bit of a nightmare, but it all got sorted out and DL apologised and the photos got sorted, it just put a bit of a blemish on what was otherwise a perfect celebration. In the evening we met up with some friends of mine in the pub for a drink, and afterwards they went on to a club while we headed back to the hotel because I was shattered. My friend Sean won two prises, one for the best undergraduate dissertation and the other for the best mark in film, and I was really proud of him and expect to see him go on to become a professor in the next few years.

So yesterday we were up and out of the hotel and on a train back to London by the early afternoon, and last night I went to the theatre with Baby G to see an audio described performance of “Mother of a Brown Boy” performed by Chicken Shed theatre company in north London. We’d gotten free tickets because they wanted feedback on the audio description, and it was a really great performance all in all. We spent the evening with a woman we know from the Beeb and her girlfriend, and I got a little tipsy on vodka and coke and got home at around half past midnight. Today I’ve been being a total slob, haven’t even got dressed yet. I’ve been lounging around house hunting on the net, finishing off a Karin Slaughter novel and doing washing and it’s been blissful just to have some time to myself around the house. This evening I’m going to make pasta with fresh prawns in a sauce of olive oil, garlic and chilli and whatever else I can find to throw in the pot, and settle down to begin reading Snow flower and the Secret fan by Lisa Sea, which I’ve finally managed to get hold of as an audio book. Tomorrow night Baby G is coming over for dinner, Tuesday I have a singing lesson and on Wednesday it’s the discussion group, so that’s how my week’s looking so far. Oh and there’s work of course, and I forgot to mention that I’m going to apply for a full time position there at the end of my placement, so fingers crossed I get that because I’ll get a rather hefty pay rise.

* * *

Tried to post this earlier but blogger wouldn't load. The prawn pasta was yummie, and I don't know for how much longer I'll stop thinking with my pussy, because I've been uber horny today and have spent the past hour looking on various sites for women who want no strings fun. Well I can't help it, ikt's biological I tell you. I'm off for a bath and a play with the shower head.

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

So the new job has started, and already Ii’m shattered! They say that the first week is the hardest though, I sincerely hope so because I would like to stop feeling like all I want to do is go to bed when I get home at around seven thirty. And the crap thing is that it’s not long after that that I need to be in bed anyway if I want to get up feeling vaguely human in the morning, aaahh dare I say I miss being a student? Seriously though the job is great and they’ve totally thrown me in at the deep end putting me in charge of an immense nation wide project. I’m not shitting it, honest!

So Monday was the first day. I have to say I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my stomach all day long, especially on the way in. But I soon got in to it and towards the end of the afternoon I was happily making phone calls and getting stuck in. On Monday night HBS came over for some dinner and dessert, :P which was lovely as always and a great way to de-stress after my first day. I told her that’s how I should de-stress every day after work and she laughed and called me “yummie”, which is a new one. Just as we were getting cosy the phone rang and she insisted I see who it was. It was my dad so I ignored it and two minutes later it rang again. Exasperated I picked up and told him, "go away! I'm shagging!" To which he pissed himself laughing and said he'd call me the day after. When I did eventually speak to him yesterday he said, "getting hold of you is like trying to contact the bloody Pope. Although the Pope wouldn't usually pick up the phone and say "go away I'm shagging!"" Very amusing. If you haven't already gathered we're very open about sex in my family.

Yesterday, what did I do yesterday apart from work…? God I can’t remember, that’s terrible! Aahh yes that was it, I came home and had a singing lesson for an hour, then ate dinner and then spent an age on the phone to various people, because while I was talking to one person some one else would call, and I’d have to call them back, and it seriously went on like that for a good hour and a half until in the end I thought fuck it and stopped returning people’s calls and went to bed. This evening I really wanted to go to the group in town, but either the message didn’t get passed on to the group leader, or she didn’t get chance to return my call and so I couldn’t meet her before hand and still can’t find it by myself, so gave up on the idea and went to bed and watched tv for a couple of hours. To be honest it probably did me good because I have a horrible cough and cold that I’ve caught from DL and spent most of today trying not to cough down the phone to potential clients, or in the face of the company executive and directors who I met with in the afternoon. I’m also hoping I’m not going to get in to trouble because while I was on my lunch break I tried to log on to ginger beer, and it came up with a message saying “this site is considered as offensive by business systems and your attempt to access it has been reported”. I very nearly pooped my pants and sat in a mild state of panic for about an hour furiously working away and expecting a member of IT to either come and bolock me or call me up and have a word in my ear. It’s not like it’s porn or anything though so hopefully they’ll just glance at it and let me off. Will have to save the chatting for when I get home I guess.

So yeah, that’s about it, not sure what I’m doing with my evenings for the rest of the week, or with my weekend. I am supposed to be going to a meal thing on Saturday night with lots of lesbians who I’ve never met before, so I’m very very nervous and rather excited about the prospect, and need to find some one to dog sit for the evening so that I don’t have to worry about her. I’ve also gotten back in touch with a friend who I haven’t spoken too in a couple of months because we weren’t seeing eye to eye on various different things for a while and decided to stop talking. We’ve been chatting online though and things seem amicable enough which is nice because I did find to my surprise that I missed her when she wasn’t around, even though she bugs the hell out of me sometimes.
Ok I’m off to have a shower and then go to bed, then it’s back to work again tomorrow. Night folks. I’m going to snuggle up with the dog as I don’t have a woman in my bed, how depressing.

Getting in to it

One week and counting, and I'm loving every minute! Last night I had a conflict of interest because my friend O was cooking me dinner and there was a lesbian meet at a cafe in town which I really wanted to go to, but as I'd not seen my friend for ages I decided to opt for that and go when I'm free. I stood at the tube station waiting for O and it was so surreal! It's been just over three years since we last saw each other as we lost touch for a while when I moved to Sheffield. I wondered if he'd be any different, what had changed in his life if anything and where to start when telling him about my stuff. We both sort of did a double take when he walked up to me, and then hugged for ages while Una looked on like "what the fuck? Why is he so special?" He's exactly the same and once we got talking it was like we'd never been out of touch at all. He has a gorgeous house in a nice area and while I was there I begged him to rent out his spare room to me which he uses for proffessional massage at the moment. I told him I'd pay him as much as I could and he said he'd think it over, although he's off to LA in September. We spent all afternoon in his garden sitting on the grass chatting until my hey fever started getting really bad and then we retreated to the lovely cool airiness of his lounge. In the evening he cooked pasta with tiger prawns in garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, chilli, spinach and corjet which i can't spell. It was delicious, and afterwards we had strawberries and chocolate brownie ice cream, and then I curled up on the sofa wrapped in his dressing gown while he lounged on cushions on the floor. It was so lovely to see him again, he's one of very few men that I feel completely relaxed with. He's in his forties and he's gay, and he's just so lovely and kind. He couldn't get over the size of my breasts and kept saying, "they're fabalicious!" which made me giggle. He's inviting some of his lesbian friends round to dinner sometime soon so that I can meet people, he called one of them up while I was there to see if she was free for dinner, and he said, "there's a new gay girl in town and she's got fabulous breasts!" I told him to shut up, I won't be able to face her if we do meet. Anyway O and I are meeting up on Friday afternoon for coffee and cake and in the evening we're all going out for Baby G's birthday drinks and dinner I think.

Today I went in to work for an induction and was very relieved to make it all the way there without getting lost. Actually I was twenty minutes early, and the other new starter was late, and he can see! Very amusing. All my team seem lovely, and by the sounds of it I'm being given quite a big project to do as soon as I start, which although is scary will be quite exciting and challenging I think. Tonight I'm trying to sort out going to a group that meet on Wednesdays, but I'm not sure if I'll pull it off yet.

I also wanted to mention the latest book I've read. It's called The Lollypop Shoes by Joanne Harris, and is the sequel to Chocolat. If you haven't read Chocolat, read that one first and then The Lollypop Shoes, but those of you who are Harris fans won't be disappointed with this one. It's just as magical with a dark and sinister side and is narrated by three different people which also holds your interest really well. Definitely worth reading, and it's fairly light if you're after something that's not too taxing. Bye for now.

Gosh, I'm so busy!

Three weeks til freedom! Three weeks til freedom! That's my mantra at the moment to get me through the bordom of writing essays and revising for exams. I recently got some grades back and they were fine so it looks as though the hard work is paying off. I did some calculations the other day and if I carry on getting the grades I have been, I should definitely get a 2:1, so that's keeping my momentum up. It's been much of the same really over the past week, just alternating between working and flat hunting. I had almost given up hope and then today I had four phone calls and will hopefully go and view some propperties next Saturday. My social life has also been excellent though, I seem to have the whole work/play balance going on, although after this week my social calendar has to be completely empty and I'll have to start saying no to going for drinks etc so that i can stay home and just work work work. So far this week, on Tuesday I had my friends Mel and Rosie round for dinner which was lovely. I cooked and we drank lots of wine and chatted lots, mostly about sex and relationships funnily enough haha. Mel's in her 40's and has two teenage kids and hasn't had a guy around for a long time, so she regails us with stories of her youth and her kids etc which are always very funny. Then on Wednesday I worked for most of the evening and then went up to the flat above to see M and R, and A my flatmate was there too, plus R's boyfriend. There I drank more wine, and competed in Shower Off, which is going to be the new sport that got started right here in this apartment block, unless other people have done it before which we don't know about. It's absolutely hilarious especially after a few glasses of wine. Everyone has to have a shower, and use the same products which in our case were shampoo, conditioner and shower jell. Some one has to stand outside the bathroom with a stop watch and time how long it takes you to get in to the bathroom, have a shower and get out again, and obviously whoever does it in the fastest time is the winner. Whell origionally in fourth place it was M, then A my flatmate, then R who did it in just under three minutes. So i was like, "I could so beat you all," and I don't think they believed me, so I went and got my towel and hair stuff and competed. I did it in a record breaking 1 minute 58 seconds, which i think is quite impressive. I think I pissed R off because he's very competitive and didn't think he'd get beaten, it was hilarious. So far no one else has beaten my score, we need to set up a score board on facebook so people can join the group and write their scores. Heehee, it was a great way to de-stress. Then on Thursday I went over to have dinner with the girl's from choir, one of which I'm rather attracted too as I've mentioned before. They're both lovely though and planning to get married which is obviously wonderful, they seem very happy and I'm really looking forward to the wedding, they're very well suited. There I drank, you guessed it, yet more wine, and then last night I had friends over for drinks and a smoke which was great. I've never actually gotten stoned before, I've been passively stoned but never smoked myself, and so I am no longer a weed virgin after last night. It didn't really affect me that much, I must have quite a high tolerance to it or something, but we had a great time and the last people didn't leave until after two. Today I've been for coffee with my very, very, very cute friend Helen, which has done my head in slightly because we did rather a lot of flirting, and I've always found her attractive but we've either both or either one of us has been in relationships while we've known each other, so I have to behave myself. If she ever does become single while I am though I'll most definitely make a play to seduce her. I just have this mental image of her in my bed, me trailing kisses all down her body until she starts beging for it. Hmm, ok that's enough of that!

Next week is going to be hectic. It's my birthday mid week and so on Monday my dad's coming to take me out for dinner, Tuesday my mother and DL are coming and we'll go out that night, Wednesday I'm having a party here at the flat, Thursday DL and I are going for a pampa day at the Spa at the Hilton, then Friday we're both going down to London and I'm viewing houses on Saturday. Phew, and I have to fit work in somewhere too. My god! Well I'm home all weekend now so I should get stuff done.

* * *

Ok saying that, Kim just called possibly wanting to go to the gay bar in town for drinks tonight, and I'm well up for that! So maybe not staying in all weekend afterall. I'm feeling very troublesome today, I'm in the mood to do something wild... It probably won't happen though, I'm not usually that lucky. What I'd really like is to meet a very sexy lady while I'm out tonight, and have her totally seduce me in to a night of passion. Maybe I'll text Helen and let her know where we are, just in case she might want to come join us... *slaps own wrists* Will I ever learn to behave?

Holiday, job, women and work

Wow, what can I say about the past week! It really has felt like another holiday. The weather has been stunningly gorgeous, so DL and I were able to make the most of it when we weren’t in bed *grin*.

She arrived on Friday while I was having lunch with my dad. Even though I’d seen her on Thursday I found that it was good all over again to have her walk in to the restaurant and join us. We didn’t do much the rest of the day because we were both quite tired, so we had an early night.

Saturday we went shopping to the mall and then did a food shop to make sure we had everything in we wanted to eat. Then DL went for drinks with friends while I made currey, which we ate quite late and then went to bed. Sunday we packed up a picknic and headed to the park. It was a scortching day, 30 degrees C which for England and this time of year is H O T! Spoonsie absolutely loved it, racing around and then flopping down in the heat to ogle at our food, while we ate and drank and lay on blankets on the grass with DL reading diva magazine to me, which funnily enough was the sex issue heehee. I wore a bikini top and shorts and it was heavenly to lie back with our limbs touching, listening to her sexy voice and feeling the sun on my face, heaven! In the afternoon she went out again with friends while I worked, and then in the evening we again settled down. We kept going through routines where we’d agree to watch a film or something, then get carried away in the bedroom and find that it was too late to start watching anything.

I have to say we had the best, kinkiest sex we’ve ever had, and we did things together that we’ve never done before. It was crazy and fun, loving and sensual, and I had some of the best orgasms of my life!!! I don’t want to go in to detail and yet I don’t want to not say much about what were perhaps the most intense physical experiences I’ve ever had, so all I will say is camcorder, fisting and double penetration. Fuck! Me! Come on don’t be shocked, I am a sex fiend afterall!

The rest of the time, when we weren’t in bed, because believe me that’s not all we did was spent eating good food, including my home made pineapple upsidedown cake and DL’s lovely gratin potatoes, as well as a gorgeous Italian and Mexican. Taking walks to the park together, DL coming to meet me after my lectures at uni, reading to one another and generally spending good, quality time together. Again as I’ve said before, we’re not rushing in to any decision making, it was what it was, and we both thoroughly enjoyed the time we spent together.

In other news as I mentioned in my previous post I landed the job in London, so I’m super happy about that. It’s only an 8 week contract to start with, but there’s the possibility of a permenant position at the end, and I’m hoping to impress them enough that they’ll take me on full time. So now I’m seriously looking for a place to live, anyone need a house mate? I’m also working like a mad head, it’s basically deadlines all the way until I finish uni on June 8th, so I’m super busy in that department. And today I also met with a woman I’ve been chatting to online for a little while. She lives just down the road and walks her dogs in the park opposite my house, so today she asked if I was home when we were online and came and met me in person. It was really nice, she has two dalmation dogs, one almost two, the other twelve, and the younger one went a bit crazy when she met Una. After a while in the flat she suggested a walk in the park, so we took all three dogs and went for a stroll. She’s called Carla, she’s a similar age to me, is a lesbian and a huge dog fan, so we get on well by all accounts. When she left we hugged and I invited her to a party I’m having on Saturday night. I’ve also chatted to a woman I fancy the pants off who is on my course at uni twice this week, which is unusual. She came and spoke to me the other day while we were waiting for a class, and then today while Sean and I were having lunch she came up to our table and invited us to a club night she’s DJing at next week. I’m not sure if she’s gay, or if she’s even interested, but I hope she is on both accounts. Yum yum!

Think that’s it for now, I’ll write more soon when I’m not so busy.

Setting The Record Straight

Sorry it’s been a couple of weeks since I wrote, I’ve really just been too busy and had too much I wanted to say but have not known where to start.

Firstly, it is now only nine days until I go to the US, and I can’t tell you how excited I am about it. It was a month ago today I booked the trip, and I can’t believe how quickly the time has passed. I think it’s because I’ve been so busy with uni, socialising and sorting out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life that time is just zooming by. So what’s been happening? Well, I’ve applied to do a summer internship with a company and have gotten through to the assessment centre stage, woo! They tried to arrange it for next Tuesday but I just can’t do it and so we’re trying to sort something out for when I get back from the US. I’m also considering doing a masters in Creative Writing starting in September as a fallback in case I can’t find work, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do but origionally wanted to wait a while before doing so. But I’ve been looking at possible universities and I’m so far considering Manchester, London, Sheffield and UEA. I’ll keep you poasted on that one. Socially I’ve been having a great time and am having to decline offers of going out so that I can stay home and actually get some work done. As far as my casual lover goes, I went from seeing her lots and lots to hardly at all over the past couple of weeks, mainly because we’ve both been busy and she’s sold her car, but on Friday night she came and stayed over for the first time which was lovely. We watched a dvd and had nibbles and then went to bed and had great sex, and then in the morning I got up while she was sleeping and made breakfast which we had in bed. Then we had more great sex and then showered together which was lovely, and she went home in the early afternoon. It was great to actually spend some quality time together rather than her just coming over and us fucking and she leaving. She’s also texted me to say what a great time she had and we plan to see each other soon, although it probably won’t be until I get back from the US now because I seem to have stuff on every night next week.

On Saturday night I went to a random hippy party with my friend Simon, which really wasn’t my scene but was an experience I’ll never forget. It was basically a load of random people in the back garden of a house listening to jungle music and taking lots of drugs, which I avoided. Very, very random but definitely an experience. Sunday I worked and then when to Simon’s for dinner. We had vegetable pie with potatoes and a home made cake. I’ve not had pie in years and it tasted amazing! On Monday I went to Slimming World and I’ve now lost half a stone, woohoo! I want to lose some more before I go to the US though, where I’ll probably put it all back on lol. Afterwards I went for drinks with Frankie, Reed and Rosie which was fab, Rosie has recently split up with her boyfriend of four years so that came as a shock. Everyone is still breaking up at the moment it’s crazy.

The reason my post is called Setting The Record Straight, is because I did want to have a little moan. I don’t often bitch, but this is something I feel quite strongly about, and I feel that writing about it may help to defuse my anger a little. DL has started a new blog, for those of you who want to read it you can go here.
http://lifeintheelectricchair.blogspot.com
From this, and from talking to certain people over the past couple of weeks I now gather that she thinks that I’m a complete bitch, that I’m no longer the person she loved, honoured and respected, and that she believes that I played her for two years, and dropped her when she was no longer useful to me. This sincerely pisses me off because she knows full well the reasons why I chose to end the relationship, and it wasn’t because I was being a bitch as she seems to think. I can’t believe she is so far detached from reality to forget everything we talked about and to delude herself in to thinking that her only crime was to love me unconditionally. Yeah, WHATEVER!!! So… I am now going to write here what I actually want to say to her, in the hope that it will be in some part cathartic and I’ll feel better. She can’t read this either so it’s for my benefit only not to get back at her in a bitchy way…

“How on earth can you possibly come to the conclusion that I’m the bitch and that I was playing you and using you? Surely you don’t honestly believe that is true, despite what those people who didn’t like me or our relationship might try to convince you is true? How could I have done such a thing for two years? We were together, we loved each other and I did try to make it work. I didn’t leave because I’m a bitch, I left because the way you treated me changed my feelings for you beyond anything I could repair. I was unhappy and so I decided we would be better off apart. Are you forgetting about all the shit that went on? Yes there were good times, amazing times. Times that changed my life and that I will always love you for. But what about the things that really did make me leave you, the anger, aggression and paranoid jealousy that tormented our relationship. No matter how much I tried to show you I loved you it was never enough. You never seemed to believe me, you hated when I went out with my friends without you, asking me who I’d been humping on the dance floor this time. At one point you tried to tell me what I could and couldn’t wear when going out without you, and when I did go out you made things so uncomfortable for me that it wasn’t worth the hastle I knew I would get from you. During the first half of our relationship you let your mother treat me like shit just because she didn’t like the fact that she no longer controlled your life and what happened in it. You did nothing to defend me nor to stop that, it was painful and insulting and I never forgave you for not standing up for me. When I said I was going to Africa for a month, ONE Month, you hit the roof and said that if I loved you I wouldn’t go. When I did go you made my life a misery in the weeks leading up to my departure and when I got back you accused me a fucking other people out there and wouldn’t look at my pictures and went crazy when I got an email from anyone I’d worked with out there. You embarrassed and humiliated me in public, one time I vividly remember bursting in to tears because you shouted at me and called me names in front of my friends. If you had a bad day at work you took it out on me verbally. Any time I wanted to do anything extra like join a group or something, you often didn’t want to go with me but didn’t want me to go without you either. You’ve called me a bitch, a cunt, a slut, and countless other names. It was me, not you who loved you to death and it was me who put up with all that shit for two fucking years, and tried and tried to make it work again and again. I opened myself up to you, let you in to every part of me physically and emotionally. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with you, I wanted to marry you and have kids with you etc etc, and you know what? You fucked it, not me, you! So you can sit there all high and mighty and say that you didn’t do anything wrong, but we both know the truth, don’t we… So you know what, fuck you!”

That’s all I have to say on the matter. It’s over, it’s fucking over and done with and I refuse to part take anymore in her stupid fucking fantasy of what our relationship was really like. No one ever really knew the extent of the emotional abuse, because now that’s what I believe it was. I was too embarrassed to talk about it while we were together, I’m usually a strong person and I know that if some one came to me with all the shit I’ve mentioned plus more, I’d tell them to get out of the relationship, and that is what I eventually told myself to do. I’m glad I did it, I feel stronger for it, and looking back I can’t believe I let her do to me what she ddid, and control and manipulate me in the way she did. All I can say is that I feel sorry for her, and frankly she needs to go get help. So let it be known that no matter how she tries to twist things and say it was all my fault and that she didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment, this is the way it was. After all, if she was so perfect, I would never have left now would I? And if there are those who think I am just a bitch and played her and dropped her, well then get out of my life because I don’t need, and will no longer tolerate that negativity. Not anymore. My new life has started…