Infuriating Mothers and pent up sexual energy

The two together are making me one cranky mother fucker today. I've been dying dying dying to wank ever since yesterday and not being able to is driving me insane. To put it plainly, I need to come and I haven't had a minute to myself in which to do so. Last night I spent over an hour awake in the middle of the night, pent up sexual energy driving me insane and thoughts of filth preventing me from getting back to sleep. However as my mother was in my spare bed near by I obviously couldn't do much about it and today she has driven me insane. We went christmas shopping which was good in itself, but what drives me mad is that she lacks common sense and you have to explain the simplest things to her a million times before she understands them. I tried to tell her to get an Oister card today and we had the following conversation.
Me: "You have to touch in an out at each tube station."
Mum: "Why do I have to touch in, they hardly notice if you do or don't."
Me: "Because if they then make you touch out at your destination you'll get charged the maximum fair."
"Why? How will it know I've been anywhere at all, I could just be coming in to the station for all it knows."
Me: "Because you're touching out, not in and because it doesn't know where you've come from it'll charge you the maximum fair."
Thinking this was all explained and good we bought the Oister card, only to have her not touch in and then have the same argument with me over again until I got so het up that I just said, "for fuck's sake mother! Just swipe the bloody card, it's simple enough, otherwise it'll use up all the money you've just put on there." My mum being a tight arsed northerner didn't argue with this conclusion, I think she would have died if it swiped the tenner she'd just put on the card. We had similar arguments over different things throughout the day but I can't really remember what they were about to tell you now. One other was about tube lines, she didn't seem to understand why we had to change tubes and that it's not just all one big line of tube stops. She's been coming to London long enough to know by now surely. So we arrived home after five hours shopping and I just wanted to quietly check my emails and have a cup of tea and she's there going, "feed the dog, the dog needs feeding, put the TV on, what are we having to eat, feed the dog, put the TV on." Aaaaaaahhh!
Although I do love her obviously, I'll be so glad when she goes for a hopefully long shower later and I can have some time to myself. She's leaving tomorrow afternoon and I get the feeling tomorrow will be just as stressful, especially if I don't manage to make myself come in the short space of time I'll have later. Oh and another thing, she's also discovered the wonders of facebook and I had to spend the entirety of yesterday evening showing her how to use it and setting up her profile so that she could, wait for it, go and look for good looking men. She's worse than me I sware!
Ok, enough ranting, I'd better post this before she comes back from smoking her cigarette and talking on my phone in the kitchen. Give me strength!
PS: she is now going through my dvd's trying to find something to watch and she just said, "what is Closer about?" "You've seen it mum," I said. She stared at the DVD and said, "I can't remember it." "Well you have," I said. You can garantee she'll insist on putting it on and ten minutes in she'll say, "Oh yeah I have seen this haven't I."
Oh, and one last thing that has infuriated me today? My phone keeps beaping like I have a text message, and when I check it, there's nothing there. So either my phone is fucked, or I have a serious case of hearing things.

Je vais a Paris!

I have spendtmost of the afternoon on the phone to friends in Sheffield, my friend Simon in Paris, and Eurostar, trying to get a trip to go and see him sorted out. I mentioned that I wanted to go a while back but that the tickets were too expensive, but we've managed to get really cheap ones going in January. So three of us, Frankie, Helen and I are all going to Paris for the weekend to visit Simon and I booked the tickets a few minutes ago. I'm very excited, I haven't been there since I was a child and it'll be lovely to have a sort of girlie weekend away with friends to blast away any new year blues.

In other news this week my sex drive seems to have gone through the roof. How high can it get you might be thinking, but remember when I had that week of not masturbating at all? Well I've definitely been making up for it this week, my BOF's haven't had so much atention in a while. On a mental score I'm feeling really great at the moment as well, and although I do hope DL is doing ok I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am no longer being made to feel guilty for living my life without her.

Yesterday I was in the office all day doing my charity stuff and then Baby G and CC came over for dinner in the evening. Today I haven't done much at all and I'm having a night in front of the TV tonight saving my pennies and avoiding the rain that has been pouring continuously for what feels like weeks now. Tomorrow Mr C is coming over for another jamming session and that reminds me I need to learn a song in preparation so I'll be doing that tonight as well. On Monday my mother is visiting for a few days and then I have two christmas parties to go to at the end of the week. I can't believe it's nearly christmas, time to definitely do some shopping and I need to book my train tickets to go and see my parents as well. I plan to leave London on the 23rd and return on the 28th in time for new year celebrations. Right now though my dinner is cooking, it's nice and warm and I'm going to curl up with a book in a bit and have an evening to myself.

My Other Addiction

My other addiction aside from sex as you probably know by now is books. I've just joined an audiobook site which I will link on here in the places I like section and it's given me access to a massive quantity of books I have been wanting to read for years. So, consequently in my excitement I have started to read several at once but can't settle on one in particular, rather like a kid who is taken to a sweet shop full of their favourite sweets and told it can eat whatever it wants. So I need to disciplin myself and prioritise my reading material. At the top of my list are authors Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Alice Walker, Jeanette Winterson and some of Val McDermid's books that I've not read yet. Each Author has written quite extensively, so as you can imagine, even if I choose one author to start with, what book do I choose? God! People who may be reading for the first time or aren't in the know about audio books might be wondering what all the fuss is about. But for a lover of literature such as myself, not being able to walk in to a bookshop and pick up a paper back novel, buy it and read it because of my lack of vission is incredibly frustrating. Although the audio book market is getting much better these days it is still not perfect and it is very rare that the audio version of a book is released at the same time as the print version, and when it is released it is often abridged, and if it is released in its full version it's usually much more expensive than the print format. Through studying literature at university, joining certain underground sites on the internet and through recently joining audible.co.uk the variety of books I have been able to read has gradually grown, but when I joined the RNIB's book stream book club last week, it exploded! The downside of this site is that you have to stream the books, so you can't download them, or put them on your Ipod, I guess due to copyright laws as you pay an anual subscription rather than buying books individually. But still it is fantastic. Now though like I said I just don't know where to start.

I wanted to share this with you because it's something I'm very excited about and it doesn't relate to sex, unless that is I can find some lesbian erotica, then I'll be well away. My two passions intertwined. Listening to an erotic audio book while playing with my toys. Mmm. Speaking of which I had a really good orgasm last night, and yes I was by myself. This morning when the cable people came to again try and fix my service I had to run and hide the toy box in the wardrobe because it seems to be overflowing at the moment. Time for a new, bigger box I think. A nice christmas present would be a lovely metal box with a lock and velvet lining in which I could store my prised possessions. Can't really suggest that to family though can you? Heehee.
Ok I'm going to finish up now because yet again I've started writing about sex and I seriously didn't intend for this post to be about that. Other than books and sex, I went to the dentist this morning and apart from a small filling which left the right side of my face numb for a couple of hours my teeth are in great condition. I'm supposed to eat on the other side of my mouth for the rest of today though, which will be fun considering I'm going out to dinner tonight with friends.

Sod's Law

Why is it that when you're really into some one they never seem to be bothered about you? And when some one is really interested in you you're not really feeling them too much? I think it's what they call, "Sod's Law", and it's definitely the case with me at the moment. When BB was around I was crazy about her, constantly thinking of her, texting her, calling, wanting to meet up and she wasn't too keen. Now the roles are reversed with Spanish Girl, she's texted me every day this week saying she's thinking of me and she's really looking forward to seeing me etc, and to be honest I could take it or leave it. I know that probably sounds horrible, but there really isn't anything else there for me apart from some good sex, that's it. She was supposed to be coming over tonight and I've been thinking about it for most of the day, kind of looking forward to the sex but not really wanting to have to cook and entertain her and struggle with the conversation because A we don't really know much about each others lives and B the language barrier gets in the way. So when Mr C's girlfriend called me a little while ago and asked if they could come over tonight, I felt annoyed that I'd arranged to see Spanish Girl. I texted her asking if we could meet tomorrow instead and she didn't seem to understand what I meant, so we then had a very difficult phone conversation where I tried to say, "today is difficult so I would prefer to see you tomorrow. But, if you can't meet up tomorrow then we can keep it at tonight." She didn't really understand what I was saying and just kept saying, "no today? No tomorrow?" In the end I said, "yes, not today, tomorrow," and she said that she would check what was going on with her family and get back to me. I'm usually very patient when it comes to her not understanding things, but I was starting to get exasperated on the phone and tried not to let my irritation show because it's really not her fault.
So now Mr C and his girlfriend are coming over tonight, and God knows if I'll see Spanish Girl tomorrow, but to be honest, I don't mind either way.

What else has happened this week... Had a fantastic night out on Wednesday when I saw
Frank Skinner
live on tour. I spent most of the night on the floor crying with laughter, his stand up is fantastic. I won't give too much away in case anyone is reading who is going to see him, but his discription of both giving and receiving oral sex had me doubled up, and his songs were great too.

Yesterday I was out all day at the charity I'm volunteering with at the moment. I don't know why but when I woke up yesterday I had the horn majorly but didn't have time to do anything about it, and so spent the entire day counting down the hours until I could go home and make myself come. It didn't help that
Naughty Angel
and I were discussing sex and sex toys for some of it, plus I got some exciting emails from websites I contacted in the hopes of doing some professional product reviews for them, so stay tuned to hear more about that in the coming weeks. So it was out of the office at five thirty, on a tube and home by 7, and a quick session with my BOF's before dragging myself out of sleepy post orgasm bliss to get dressed and head back out again. Last night I met up with an old school friend who I haven't seen for about 5 years. We always got on well at school and neither of us have changed much so we had a really good night. Had quite a lot to drink, got some food and chatted about old times, oh and perved at the bar maid in the pub we were in and agreed that she'd definitely get it from both of us. I may be femme but I can turn in to one of the guys when I'm around them, which is quite scary really because I'm dirty at the best of times.

So tomorrow I have no idea what's happening. If I don't see Spanish Girl I'm going to try and organise a night out with some of the girls and on Sunday I'm off to see Maroon 5 in concert with DL and Baby G. Monday Jill Scott is playing and I'm going to see her too and my friend Rosey is coming down from Sheffield to go to the gig with me and staying over until Tuesday which will be lovely.
Now I'm off to go and sort out the mountain of laundry I washed today and then have a bath before my friends arrive. Have a good weekend.

Product Review: Twist n Shake by Fun Factory

Product Review, Twist n Shake by Fun Factory

So, after attending Erotica 2007 on Sunday which I’ll speak more about later, I decided to test out my main purchase today, and let you know what I think. The Twist n Shake I bought was in the design of a caterpillar, but looking on the internet it seems you can get them in a variety of designs. The basic shape of the toy is in the style of a Rampant Rabbit, with a long shaft for penetrative stimulation that rotates and another smaller vibrating section that serves the clit. What I really liked about this toy on first sight was that the shaft has been modelled on the G-Twist, which is ribbed and has a curved finish to better catch the G spot. I already have the G-twist and it’s one of my favourite toys, it really does hit the spot and usually makes me squirt, so I thought that this one would do the same. The toy is made of medical grade silicone, so has a good quality feel to it and is easy to keep clean, and inside the shaft are balls that rotate near the base when activated. The battery compartment is a rather large square block of plastic, a far cry from the G-twists subtle, smooth and easy to grip toy that just pops off with one click. This in comparison I found uncomfortable to hold and it was quite cumbersome. On the front of the compartment is an off-on button, and two roller switches to control the two part of the toy, the rotation of the shaft and the vibration of the clit stimulator.

When I first turned the toy on , which by the way takes 4 AA batteries, the first thing that put me off was the noise. Both the rotating shaft and the vibrating part are quite loud, and when turned up to their maximum strength are not easy to disguise. You would have to have music on in a room to disguise this one if you still live at home, or are in a house share etc. When I first inserted the toy it felt good, the ribbed shaft provides lots of stimulation and the curved point caught my spot on the way in. But when fully inserted so that the smaller vibrating component was on my clit the curved point was well past my G-spot, and I found that if I placed the shaft with the point on my G-spot the clitoral stimulator wasn’t long enough to meet my clit, so it really either had to be one or the other which was disappointing.

I masturbated for about fifteen minutes and the end result was an orgasm that had to be coaxed more than anything. If I’m completely honest I’m not a huge fan of the rabbit design, when I masturbate I usually use two toys, a vibrating bullet for my clit and something like the G-twist for penetration. That way I can control the two separately and ensure I get maximum pleasure from both. But, I have used better rabbit designs than this, and for £45 it leaves a lot to be desired.

So, let’s break it down… If there’s anything you think I’ve missed out in terms of grading, please do let me know. It’s the first time I’ve done a product review so there are bound to be things I’ve missed.

Noise: 3/10
Quality of material: 8/10
Comfortable to hold: 3/10
Power of vibrations: 7/10
Aesthetic design: 9/10
Easy to use controls: 9/10
Flexibility: 2/10
Maximum pleasure design: 5/10
Value for money: 4/10
Successful climax: 4/10
Overall score: 54/100

On the up

I've chosen this title to what will be a very short post because, fingers crossed, it looks as though things are on the up.
The first good thing that happened this week was that I received a call from the graduate scheme I went for the assessment centre with last week and I'm through and on to the scheme and will start work in the new year. Woo! Finally! So this means I can relax for a little while and not have the stress of applying for jobs etc and now make the most of the time I have left not working and look forward to starting a new job.

The second good thing is that I have been having and will hopefully continue to have extremely good sex right now. The Spanish Girl came over on Tuesday and is supposed to be coming over sometime this weekend for some more fun and believe me, it is lots of fun. I've been masturbating to the image of me riding her while she's wearing the strap on, something which we did last Friday, all week long and I want a repeat performance. Something else which has fueled my solo orgasms are a couple I've made friends with. I'll call them the femme couple as I met them at the femmes meet I went to, and we've been in touch ever since and they came to the commedy night yesterday evening. I have to say they are probably the hottest couple I've ever met, and they're both really flirtatious which really doesn't help. We were exchanging stories about what is in our respective toy boxes and when they were talking about the strap on they'd just bought the thought of them fucking stayed in my head for the rest of the night. They're supposed to be coming over for dinner soon, I wonder if they'd be up for a threesome. One is English, tall and blonde and the other is an Arab and is shorter and very feisty. They're both gorgeous women and I'd love to get stuck in the middle heehee.

The final thing I want to mention is a blog some one gave me the link too. The blog in itself is great but the pod casts are something else. I'll add her to my blog roll but in the meantime you can check her out
here

Happy Thanks Giving to those of you in the US.

Great Weekend!

This weekend has been one of the best I’ve had for a while. Friday night was obviously great, and woke up on Saturday morning feeling slightly hung over and so didn’t really do a lot except sit around drinking tea and reading the new novel by Alice Sebold, which if you were thinking of getting it is very good indeed. In the evening Baby G and I were off to see Beverly Knite live at the Royal Albert Hall with two of our friends, one of whom cancelled in the afternoon because she was feeling ill. I have been slightly concerned as you know about my lack of sex drive lately, and even on Friday night it was more about her pleasure than mine. So on Saturday afternoon I put myself to bed with my toy box and refused to move until I’d given myself an orgasm. I think it’s done the trick, seems to have kick started my libido again thank god, I was starting to worry.

So in the evening I headed out in the freezing cold to go to the show. I have to say I’ve never really been in to Beverly Knite and I only went because Baby G had extra tickets, but I’m very glad I did. She’s one of these artists who sounds so much better live than she does in the studio, and her voice was outstanding. She did a set that lasted for almost two hours straight with hardly any breaks and her vocals were incredible. I’m going to get some of her stuff from Baby G to see if I can get in to her now that I’ve been to see her. After the show we went and got chips because we were all hungry and then Baby G came to stay at mine for the night. That in itself was lovely, when we used to live together we used to spend hours just lying in bed talking and listening to music and It’s something we’ve both missed. So last night was great, although we were both tired we still managed to have a chat before falling asleep. She’s like a sister to me and I’m so proud of what she’s accomplished. She’s just arrived back from New York after going to the women’s therapy centre to undergo treatment for vaginismus, a condition that she’s battled with for the past couple of years ever since she found out she had it. At one point she really thought she’d never be cured of it and that she would never be able to have sex with her boyfriend, but since going to the clinic in New York she has been treated and has now had sex and no longer has vaginismus. I know how hard it was for her to go through what she’s been through and the treatment was painful and emotionally draining. But she has done it and she’s like a different person, like she’s really come in to her own now that she feels in control of her own body. She bought us both toys back from the States, in celebration of vaginas which work, and I used mine this evening and it’s really good!

We didn’t wake up this morning until eleven thirty and had to get up and out in time to meet five friends in town for Mr C’s girlfriend’s birthday. So today was spent in the pub, most people getting slightly drunk and me trying to resist because I have a job interview tomorrow. I got tipsy but then stopped because the last thing I need tomorrow is a hang over so switched to soft drinks, and the roast dinner and chocolate fudge cake with ice cream helped soak up the alcohol. I was very amused when Mr C told me that when the cab arrived to pick him up from my house the other day the following conversation ensued:
Cab driver: “Is that your Mrs?”
Mr C: “No she’s just a friend.”
Cab Driver, “Are you sure?”
Mr C: “Yes, she’s on the other bus.”
Cab driver: “Really? Please tell me you’ve tried though, please!”
Mr C: “Yes I’ve tried, she’s definitely gay.”
Cab Driver: “does she use our cab service much?”
Mr C: “No not really.”
Cab driver, “Shit! I was hoping I would pick her up sometime. Does she have a woman then?”
Mr C: “She’s usually got a couple on the go at once I think.”
Men! That’s all I can say…

The conversation didn’t get much better in the pub today either, my friends are very very smutty:
Baby G to our friend Rids: “What do you want for Christmas then?”
Rids: “some anal sex!”
And at another point:
Me to Rids: “Oy you talk to me. I haven’t seen you for ages how are you?”
Rids: “Well you’re too far away over there, I can’t stick my fingers in you from here.”
Mr C’s girlfriend who was sitting next to me: “I’ll do it for you.”
Followed by much laughter from everyone.
Me: “Stop talking about my vagina!”
I love my friends!

Oh, and Spanish Girl texted me yesterday asking when we could meet up. I suggested Thursday. She said, “how about tomorrow, I can’t stop thinking about last night.” I told her I couldn’t because I had plans and she didn’t seem very happy, so I suggested we meet on Tuesday instead. God there’s no pleasing some people.

I got home from the pub just after 8 and have washed and dried my suit. It’s absolutely freezing outside and I called my cousin up north to wish her a happy birthday and she told me it’s been snowing there. Jesus, winter is finally here I think. Time to get out the winter duvet! Or find some one to share my bed with and snuggle up too on cold nights.

Fun Fun Fun!

So, as you’ve probably gathered, I got some good loving on Tuesday night. It was actually very spontaneous, I had been discussing sex online with a friend and complaining that I wasn’t getting enough, when a girl I’d been talking to online asked if I was up for a casual meet that evening. I was a bit apprehensive as we’d only just started talking, but we were both looking for some fun so I thought why the hell not and invited her over. I spoke to her for a bit on the phone first and we seemed to get on well so she headed over at about seven. She’s very attractive, black, about five feet five with long hair and she’s very slim, and oh my god such a fine ass! So we chatted over a bottle of wine for a couple of hours, she’s very funny and upbeat and we’re in to the same type of music and chatted about our families and our time at uni. I was in the middle of saying something about a Jill Scott gig I’d been too when she just leaned forward and kissed me with the fullest, softest lips. Now I do like a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it, so of course I responded. After a while we broke apart and laughed and looked at each other, I think she must have thought she’d moved too soon and started to pull back, so I touched her arm and pulled her close again. Once she’d got the idea that I was interested she was as feisty as hell and before long we moved from the sofa to the bed and that’s where we stayed for the next couple of hours. I’m not going to go into too much detail but I will say that she’s not in the least inhibited, and among other things it’s finally so nice to meet a black woman who is in to women and who isn’t afraid of using her tongue in all the right places. Mmm! So anyway, Cherry as she will now be known (and no that’s not because I popped hers) wanted to stay for the night but had to go to work the next day. So she’s coming over tomorrow evening and staying until Sunday, she called me from work yesterday and sent me a rather filthy email. She lives just down the road, so if things continue to go well it appears that I’ll hopefully have a regular fuck buddy. Finally! It’s taken since months of living here god damn it! Lol!

In other news, I also got hit on yesterday by a woman who lives in my building and who is the type of lesbian that I would run a million miles from. I don’t mean to be rude, but she stood far too close and commented on my “perfect teeth,” my “large breasts”, my “lovely blue eyes”, all within the first ten minutes of talking to her. I mean it’s lovely to get complimented, but there’s nothing worse than getting bombarded with them by some one you’ve only just met and you absolutely would never ever even think of dating or doing anything remotely like that with. I told her my age in the hope that would put her off, and she made the kind of disappointed noise that suggested she’d been thinking about shagging me for the entire conversation and had then realised how big an age gap there was. Even so she asked if I was free for coffee at some point which I gave a very vague answer to and tried to make my escape. So I’m a bit edgy every time I go down to the lobby in case she’s there. Scary predatory dykes, haha. I wouldn’t mind if she’d been femme and lovely, we all know I’m not adversed to getting involved with older women but she really wasn’t my type.

Last night I went to Caroline’s with H and S for dinner and had a fabulous time. We had such a laugh, Caroline has always got a story to tell about something or other, and it’s all in the telling because we usually end up crying with laughter by the end of it. We were also highly amused by how Una and her Cat reacted to one another, a kind of nervous excitement in them both that had the potential to explode in to either chasing, or spitting and growling, or both. They were both really well behaved though and Caroline has offered to dog sit anytime I need some one. I had rather a lot of wine and then had to make my way home from the other side of London which took ages and finally collapsed in to bed at around one to have a session with my new toy from
Sh
which arrived yesterday. The combination of
this
and
this
Meant that I had such a powerful orgasm that I fell asleep immediately.

I don’t have a lot planned for tonight, tomorrow morning I’m meeting an old college friend in town who I haven’t seen in years so that should be interesting. Then in the evening Cherry is coming over and no doubt that’ll be the better part of Sunday taken care of. Sunday evening if I make it out of bed I’m heading in to town to have coffee with a newly discovered lesbian social group.
Fun Fun Fun!

Porn with breakfast

leads to two things...
A session with my battery opperated friends
and
cold toast.

Speaking of my BOF's, they seem to be failing me one by one lately, probably because of the amount of use they've had over the past few weeks. When indulging yesterday it was all I could do not to throw the whole lot out the window in frustration. Can you imagine the headlines?

"Small child is killed by being hit on the head by a box of sex toys hurled out of window from several floors up by a sexually frustrated lesbian."
Hmm...

They didn't go out the window however, and I managed to persuade my clit that the amount of stimulation she was getting from a rapidly dying vibrating bullet was more than enough to achieve an orgasm. Only just, though. I think it's time to take a trip to my favourite adult store to spend a small fortune on some new toys.

http://www.sh-womenstore.com

Also, I think I've discovered why I've been feeling off key, time to dig out the feminax, which by the way is fucking crap because it hasn't stopped my fucking stomach from cramping, nor altered my fucking bad mood!!!!!
Sorry about that, I'm ok now.
Fucking periods!!!
Going to curl up in bed with a cup of tea, a bar of chocolate and watch Eastenders.

Toyless

On Saturday when I was packing my stuff to go up north, I was in quite a lot of discomfort owing to my period. So it didn't occur to me to even think about packing a toy or too to get me through the week.
Now my period has virtually finished, and the pain is being increasingly replaced with the horn!
I realised with horror yesterday that I don't have anything with me to get me off, and to be honest I find it increasingly difficult to come without added stimulation these days.

*Counts days until time to go home*
*Looks incredibly worried*
*Heads to kitchen to find suitable looking fruit/vegetable*

Damn...!!!