Saturday, July 28, 2007

The Morning After

I don't think I've ever really been lost for words until now, but I am on this occasion...

I got in from work at about five thirty and started getting ready to go out. I had a long hot bath with a coco butter bath bomb from Lush, shaved, moisturised and blow dried my hair. After consulting my flatmate I decided to wear a black top that shows off my figure with faded jeans and boots, so I dressed, did my make up and ordered a cab. BB, as I will call her here arrived a little early and so I was anxious not to keep her waiting, and also very nervous about meeting up and wanting to make the right impression. I should add that the reason we got talking in the first place was that I posted an add on a site looking for some casual fun and friendship with the right woman, and she responded. It turns out she's in a similar situation to myself, just out of a long term relationship with an ex still very much on the scene, and she was interested in meeting up to see if there was any chemistry between us. So we met and I liked her instantly. We hugged when I got out of the cab and then walked a little way to a fairly quiet bar where we sat and had drinks and chatted. After a while we decided to go and eat so that the alcohol wouldn't take over, and we went to a lovely restaurant and shared a platter of gorgeous food and chatted some more. You know when you meet some one and you feel like you could chat to them all night? Well that's how it was, certainly for me anyway. It had been that way on the phone but was even stronger in person, and after heading back to the origional bar we were in for a while we debated what to do because it was getting late but neither of us wanted to part company. My house being closer we decided to head there for coffee, and BB met my flatmate and we all sat around and talked for a while. I did want to throttle him at one point when we were talking about how nice the area is and he said something like, "well when you leave in the morning you'll see how good it is." I was slightly horrified and very embarrassed and I think she was too, the bloody bastard, fancy saying that! I told him not to assume things and to shut up.

Anyway O went to bed and we moved in to my bedroom/livingroom and put on some music and cuddled up together on the sofa. She asked me lots about my blindness among other things, how it affects my life, how I do certain things and so on and I tried to answer as best I could, being constantly distracted by the way she ran her fingers over my skin and lightly kissed my face, and the cent of her perfume and how strikingly beautiful she was. Anyway as you can imagine after a while we stopped talking and started kissing, and I was left breathless by the way she handled me. We'd briefly spoken about sex on the phone and I was impressed at the time that she seemed to know exactly what I liked, and in person it was so intense I can't even describe it. I think I could have orgasmed even if she hadn't fucked me. After a while we slowed down and I was quite honest with her, saying that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, because I felt like we should wait until next time, the whole not getting down on the first date thing heavily on my mind, and yet I wanted her so much. She was very understanding, although secretly I think she knew I would eventually give in because after the things she did to my body, any resolve i had flew out the window.

She touched me in ways I've never been touched, especially by some one I've only just met. She practically read my mind and totally listened to my body, explored deep and dark parts of my sexuality that I'd barely scratched the surface of until now. She fucked me endlessly and still I craved it, she hurt me so good and so caringly that the intensity of it made me weak. She held me so tenderly that I wanted to melt, and she awoke the sub in me that I didn't totally realise was there until now. I gave myself up to her, let her have what she wanted, put my trust in her and I don't think I've ever felt so respected and cared for by some one who I'm seeing casually. She was dominant and I allowered her to take full control and I will willingly become her slave if that's the reward I get for being a good girl.

This morning I am bitten and bruised, scratched and sore, and while I sit and think over the night's events while I let my body become tranquil again, I know that she has awoken something in me that won't be quieted for very long. If I do see her again, which I hope I do, I will be her sub, and she my dominant black buty.

bored at work

I'm so bored at work that I'm writing a blog post ready to publish when I get home as I can’t access it from here. It’s been kind of a strange
and hectic week this week, and in some ways I don’t know where it’s gone in terms of my evenings, whereas work has dragged.

On Monday night Baby G came over for dinner. I went to get her from the tube station in the pouring rain with the dog being a bitch because she didn’t want
to go out in the wet. I made a spicey vegetable rice which I don’t think Baby G was too keen on, but then she does only eat pizza and beans on toast, oh
and currey with crisps in it haha. I bet she reads that and has something to say… Anyway we had a lovely evening, it was good just to catch up and I tried
to make her feel better about her dissertation, poor thing. On Tuesday I didn’t have anything planned for the evening, and was going to have a quiet night
at home, but got dragged out with work to a civil partnership reception, where I proceeded to get absolutely fucking wasted along with everyone else. It
was totally accidental, and I haven’t been that drunk in a while. One of the conversations interestingly though that a few of us had was about how many
gay people there are in our office. There’s a team of about 40 here, and we know of at least seven who are gay, and those are the ones who are out. I barely
remember getting home, don’t remember anything after that, apparently I drunkenly called my friends and stumbled around the flat for a while lol. Had a
fab time though and the woman in the office who got married and her girlfriend, or wife as she now is make a lovely couple. I also have to say that I think
it’s absolutely wonderful that so many people from work went to the reception without batting an eyelid. Times are really moving forward for us.

On Wednesday I had the hang over from hell and practically crawled in to work with my head up my own arse and spent most of the day feeling terrible. Went
to group in the evening which was good and I found out about another social group that happens on a Tuesday which I think I’ll go along too hopefully next

This brings me on to yesterday now. Nothing really to mention about work apart from that I was manicly busy all day, but I did spend a lot of last night chatting
to a woman I started talking too online. We ended up speaking on the phone for a while and we’re meeting up for a drink tonight, and I have to admit I’m
rather excited. She sounds lovely, very sexy and intelligent so hopefully we’ll get on well when we meet. I’ve been fairly tired all day because I didn’t
get to sleep until late last night as we continued texting each other after we got off the phone supposedly to go to bed, and I have to say she's equally as flirtatious as I am and I wavoured between being very turned on and very tired for a while before finally going to sleep. We've also been emailing each other today, she's a little minx. so I’m going to go home and freshen up before going out again. Tomorrow I’m off to blue water to do some shopping and
then to a friend’s bbq in the evening, and Sunday I have the day to myself. Woops I just accidently kicked the dog who is lying under my desk, poor love.
She doesn’t seem that bothered though lol. I suppose I’d better make it look like I’m doing something constructive, I’m still waiting around for a meeting with my manager that should have been at
ten and that still hasn’t happened yet, and it’s almost three PM. Two hours to go until I can go home and start getting ready for tonight.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Graduate

On Wednesday of last week I made the decision to stop thinking with my pussy and use my head for a change, and so I actually declined the offer of sex that evening by texting HBS in the morning saying that I couldn’t meet her after all. I did this because I don’t really like the situation, and it’s my fault, because I knew she was just experimenting from the beginning, but she really is very straight acting and I get the feeling that sleeping with me is kind of a game to her, and I’m not in to that. She has no idea how to treat a woman, no idea how to seduce or how to act afterwards, and the last time she came over she left me feeling rather strange and displeased. It’s not really any fault on her part, she’s just fundamentally heterosexual and that’s the way it is. This being proved by the fact that after I texted her she spent a little while texting me telling me about a guy she’d met up with the day before and how wonderful he was and how she’d loved “making out” with him. My point proven I think.

So instead of getting laid I went home to O’s house to have dinner with him and his friend A, who is rather sexy herself, and spent the evening perving, flirting, eating fantastic food and getting passively stoned from their smoking, and finished it off by having a fantastic orgasm while having phone sex with a friend. Much better I think.

Thursday was hectic, was up at six thirty, at the office by 8, on the way to Swindon by 9 where I spent the day with work, then headed straight back to London in the evening where I just made it in time to get the train with DL to Sheffield. Actually it was a bit of a nightmare because there were two trains on platforms next to each other, one going to Sheffield and the other going somewhere else, and we ended up getting on the wrong one because we were rushing and so had to get off at Leicester and wait for another one. We eventually arrived at the hotel at just after eleven in the evening and fell in to bed after grabbing a snack. Up at 8 the next day all excited and nervous about my graduation, and by ten the family had arrived and I was on my way to have my robes fitted. I have to say it was much more exciting than I thought it was going to be, it felt really good wearing the cap and gown and having everyone their to see me graduate. Photos to come, I promise, when I get the time to put them up online. The only bad part of the day was when DL got in to a strop because she wanted some photos taken by the professional photographer, and she and the family were disputing because each package cost a different price and she wanted one thing while everyone else wanted something else, and it all got a bit heated. It ended up with her causing a bit of a scene in front of everyone and my mother losing her temper with her and saying she thought DL had better leave. At this point I burst in to tears because they were both fighting with each other over some stupid photos that didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, and DL disappeared in shame while my family tried to console me. It was a bit of a nightmare, but it all got sorted out and DL apologised and the photos got sorted, it just put a bit of a blemish on what was otherwise a perfect celebration. In the evening we met up with some friends of mine in the pub for a drink, and afterwards they went on to a club while we headed back to the hotel because I was shattered. My friend Sean won two prises, one for the best undergraduate dissertation and the other for the best mark in film, and I was really proud of him and expect to see him go on to become a professor in the next few years.

So yesterday we were up and out of the hotel and on a train back to London by the early afternoon, and last night I went to the theatre with Baby G to see an audio described performance of “Mother of a Brown Boy” performed by Chicken Shed theatre company in north London. We’d gotten free tickets because they wanted feedback on the audio description, and it was a really great performance all in all. We spent the evening with a woman we know from the Beeb and her girlfriend, and I got a little tipsy on vodka and coke and got home at around half past midnight. Today I’ve been being a total slob, haven’t even got dressed yet. I’ve been lounging around house hunting on the net, finishing off a Karin Slaughter novel and doing washing and it’s been blissful just to have some time to myself around the house. This evening I’m going to make pasta with fresh prawns in a sauce of olive oil, garlic and chilli and whatever else I can find to throw in the pot, and settle down to begin reading Snow flower and the Secret fan by Lisa Sea, which I’ve finally managed to get hold of as an audio book. Tomorrow night Baby G is coming over for dinner, Tuesday I have a singing lesson and on Wednesday it’s the discussion group, so that’s how my week’s looking so far. Oh and there’s work of course, and I forgot to mention that I’m going to apply for a full time position there at the end of my placement, so fingers crossed I get that because I’ll get a rather hefty pay rise.

* * *

Tried to post this earlier but blogger wouldn't load. The prawn pasta was yummie, and I don't know for how much longer I'll stop thinking with my pussy, because I've been uber horny today and have spent the past hour looking on various sites for women who want no strings fun. Well I can't help it, ikt's biological I tell you. I'm off for a bath and a play with the shower head.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Too busy living life to write about it

I haven’t really been in the mood to blog just lately, mainly because I seem to be on the go from the minute I wake up until I fall in to bed, usually with far too few hours to sleep until I have to get up again. Life in London is most certainly hectic, and I have to say I love every minute of it. Work is going really well, I’ve been really busy over the past week and am steadily getting to know my team better as time passes. I don’t much like the travelling in on the tube, I arrive at work looking flushed and sweating because we’re all packed in like sardines on the trains, but everyone’s the same really. I spent almost every night last week going to view houses, none of which were suitable for one reason or another, and my saving grace came in my friend O who insisted I not stay in that awful house any longer and move in to his flat, which I did on Sunday. I have to say he is an absolute godsend, he’s been such a lovely friend in my hour of need, I really do think I’d have gone crazy if I’d had to stay there any longer.

So I left work on Friday night planning to go for drinks with a friend of mine and his girlfriend. Unfortunately the traffic was worse than usual and it took me just under two hellish hours to get home in a cab, making me late to meet them. So I rushed around getting changed and headed straight out again, and we had a lovely evening catching up over dinner and drinks. Saturday I started packing as much as I could, and then in the evening I went out for drinks with a woman I met at the Wednesday group, so I’ll call her Group Girl. I met Group Girl and her friend in Soho and we went to The Edge bar and stood outside with drinks until it started raining, then headed to Rush which I absolutely love because it has bean bags downstairs and so you can just lounge around on the floor and it’s really chilled. Then we moved on to GAY which none of us particularly liked because it’s too cheesy by far, and then ended up in Trash Palace and stayed there until it was time to get home. I have to say I also have a new crush, but I’m not telling you whether it’s Group girl or her friend.  Anyway we headed to Leicester Square tube just when a fight was breaking out in the station, in time to find out that the Piccadilly line was down so no tubes home for me. I was very drunk by this point and so jumped in a cab and called O, woke him up, the poor thing and asked to stay at his place because it was closer. He was looking after the dog for the evening anyway, and I arrived on his doorstep with him in his dressing gown calling me a bastard, and the dog running around very pleased to see me and me wobbling drunkenly up the stairs. A good night all round then lol.

Sunday O and I just lounged around for most of the day and went to the supermarket, then DL came over in the evening to help me move some of my stuff in the car. We didn’t get all of it, and to be honest I was absolutely pissed off at my now ex housemates attitude. One stayed in his room and smoked weed which is nothing knew, and the other was too busy slobbering over the new German guy that had moved in to give a shit about what we were doing. I wouldn’t have minded, only they had used my crockery and cutlery, and it was everywhere and non of it was clean, and they didn’t seem arsed when some pieces from the very expensive set that DL and I bought couldn’t be found anywhere. I told them in no uncertain terms to find everything before I came back to get the rest of my stuff, whether it had any effect is anybody’s guess.

I left the house feeling quite stressed about it all, but soon relaxed when we arrived at O’s and unpacked my stuff. My room is what was his living room, and I have my TV and stereo and everything here, and I can get a wireless internet signal from some one else’s house, so I feel quite at home. He also has a lovely kitchen, so last night I cooked chicken stir fry with rice and bean sprouts for DL and I and then had a relaxing bath before going to bed. I can’t tell you how much more relaxed I feel just being here, the dog absolutely loves it because there’s plenty of space to run around, plus a garden, and the tube is two minutes away so no buses. I know it’s only temporary, but for now it feels like heaven.

So here’s how the rest of the week looks… Tomorrow night O’s friend A is coming over for dinner, plus I’m having another singing lesson. Wednesday I’m meeting HBS after work, she texted me yesterday hinting very strongly at another meet. Thursday I have to go out of town for work, then straight up to Sheffield that evening with DL in time for my graduation on Friday. Staying in Sheffield until Saturday to catch up with friends, then heading back on Saturday night to go to the theatre. Baby G and I have been given free tickets to an audio described performance on the condition that we write a review for the theatre company, so that’s all good. In between all that I have to look for houses, god knows when.

Monday, July 09, 2007

I know I'm open minded, but even I have limits!

I've been living here for five weeks now and I've been steadily growing more unhappy with every passing day. There are a number of things very wrong with the house I'm living in, but I thought I could just about handle it, until this weekend. Saturday night I got in and walked up the stairs to my room. I was going to call out and say that I was home, when i heard groans coming from the boys room so decided against it. Sunday morning I was woken up by very loud noises. It turns out the guys had decided to advertise on the net for people to come join them, and an all male orgie was taking place in the next bedroom. That's when I decided to move out. Having strange men walking through my house, using the bathroom, smoking weed and fucking each other all day long is both unacceptable and extremely offensive to me. I spent most of yesterday at O's house, not knowing what the fuck to do, and today I've been back on the net house hunting. It's not just the incessant sex parties that are the problem, it's the lack of space, the broken freezer that they haven't replaced meaning it's difficult to cook, the dirty plates all over the kitchen, the grotty bathroom, my tiny tiny bedroom, their constant smoking of weed in the house, I just can't take it anymore. I told them tonight that I was moving out as soon as possible, and to be honest, I don't give a fuck whether they like it or not. I'm not an unreasonable kind of person, but this has pushed me to the limit and I either need to move out soon or I'll seriously flip my lid and have some kind of emotional breakdown, lol. Anyone got a spare room?

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

So the new job has started, and already Ii’m shattered! They say that the first week is the hardest though, I sincerely hope so because I would like to stop feeling like all I want to do is go to bed when I get home at around seven thirty. And the crap thing is that it’s not long after that that I need to be in bed anyway if I want to get up feeling vaguely human in the morning, aaahh dare I say I miss being a student? Seriously though the job is great and they’ve totally thrown me in at the deep end putting me in charge of an immense nation wide project. I’m not shitting it, honest!

So Monday was the first day. I have to say I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my stomach all day long, especially on the way in. But I soon got in to it and towards the end of the afternoon I was happily making phone calls and getting stuck in. On Monday night HBS came over for some dinner and dessert, :P which was lovely as always and a great way to de-stress after my first day. I told her that’s how I should de-stress every day after work and she laughed and called me “yummie”, which is a new one. Just as we were getting cosy the phone rang and she insisted I see who it was. It was my dad so I ignored it and two minutes later it rang again. Exasperated I picked up and told him, "go away! I'm shagging!" To which he pissed himself laughing and said he'd call me the day after. When I did eventually speak to him yesterday he said, "getting hold of you is like trying to contact the bloody Pope. Although the Pope wouldn't usually pick up the phone and say "go away I'm shagging!"" Very amusing. If you haven't already gathered we're very open about sex in my family.

Yesterday, what did I do yesterday apart from work…? God I can’t remember, that’s terrible! Aahh yes that was it, I came home and had a singing lesson for an hour, then ate dinner and then spent an age on the phone to various people, because while I was talking to one person some one else would call, and I’d have to call them back, and it seriously went on like that for a good hour and a half until in the end I thought fuck it and stopped returning people’s calls and went to bed. This evening I really wanted to go to the group in town, but either the message didn’t get passed on to the group leader, or she didn’t get chance to return my call and so I couldn’t meet her before hand and still can’t find it by myself, so gave up on the idea and went to bed and watched tv for a couple of hours. To be honest it probably did me good because I have a horrible cough and cold that I’ve caught from DL and spent most of today trying not to cough down the phone to potential clients, or in the face of the company executive and directors who I met with in the afternoon. I’m also hoping I’m not going to get in to trouble because while I was on my lunch break I tried to log on to ginger beer, and it came up with a message saying “this site is considered as offensive by business systems and your attempt to access it has been reported”. I very nearly pooped my pants and sat in a mild state of panic for about an hour furiously working away and expecting a member of IT to either come and bolock me or call me up and have a word in my ear. It’s not like it’s porn or anything though so hopefully they’ll just glance at it and let me off. Will have to save the chatting for when I get home I guess.

So yeah, that’s about it, not sure what I’m doing with my evenings for the rest of the week, or with my weekend. I am supposed to be going to a meal thing on Saturday night with lots of lesbians who I’ve never met before, so I’m very very nervous and rather excited about the prospect, and need to find some one to dog sit for the evening so that I don’t have to worry about her. I’ve also gotten back in touch with a friend who I haven’t spoken too in a couple of months because we weren’t seeing eye to eye on various different things for a while and decided to stop talking. We’ve been chatting online though and things seem amicable enough which is nice because I did find to my surprise that I missed her when she wasn’t around, even though she bugs the hell out of me sometimes.
Ok I’m off to have a shower and then go to bed, then it’s back to work again tomorrow. Night folks. I’m going to snuggle up with the dog as I don’t have a woman in my bed, how depressing.