Connected

Finally finally, I’m up and running in my own place with a phone line, the internet and cable TV, what more technology could I ask for? And that’s not to mention the wonderful gadgets hidden under my bed haha. Actually on that note I had an embarrassing moment yesterday when the man from virgin media who came to install everything asked if he could pull my bed out from it’s place to get to a socket. The night before I’d had a session with Jessica rabbit and in post orgasm sleepy numbness I just slid the toy in to the bag and didn’t really bother about making sure it was closed properly. So when he asked to move my bed, I had an image of either him crunching my beloved toys under the bed legs, or knocking the bag over so that everything spilled out. Thankfully none of the above happened and my blushes were spared.

So anyway, about the new place. It’s lovely and especially amazing for the rent I’m paying. It’s a studio flat in a large building, I’m on the top floor, the pluses being I have two big sky lights that let in lots of naturally light and the beautiful sunshine, but I also get the heat that rises up from the other flats in the building and so I’m boiling and having the fan on and the windows wide open isn’t doing much to help disperse the heat. It’s reasonably large for a studio, with a separate spacious kitchen and bathroom, and oh the joy of being able to cook what I want when I want, or not having to wait for some one to get out of the shower, or going in to the loo and inhaling the smell of some one’s poo! Oh it’s heaven! I also have a lovely new bed which after sleeping on the blow up mattress at O’s house for weeks on end is heaven in itself and I haven’t been wanting to get up in the mornings, but that’s nothing unusual really. So anyway, I’m now in West London which is funnily enough where I wanted to end up, and the area is lovely and from what I can gather it’s safe and quiet and that’s something for London. As I sit writing I can hear the bustle of the traffic as usual, but also the chirp of a bird somewhere on the roof top, and it’s such a lovely sound. I’ve found myself craving clean air, open space and tranquillity more and more these days. That’s not to say that I don’t love London, quite the opposite, I love it, but it is nice to find little pockets of natural beauty among the hustle and bustle. I’ve been taking the dog to the Heath and spending hours just walking around and letting her swim about in the ponds and pools there while kids chase each other and couples stroll past. Plus it’s obviously very gay around there, and I’ve yet to go to the women’s pond which I’m dying to do but I usually have the dog in toe so haven’t been as yet.

Last weekend my dad visited which was lovely. I find it really amusing that he comments on so much of London life that has become the norm to me now, like how people blast there horns at other cars for apparently no reason at all, and the random and often bizarre things you see while driving through the city, plus he keeps trying to imitate what he calls a cockney accent which is hilarious given his northern ness.

Getting around has been a total nightmare this week, and so far I haven’t been anywhere other than to work and that was a struggle. The tubes are on strike due to something about pay or pensions and the like, which means that those of us that want to go anywhere have found it extremely fucking difficult. Yesterday I was three hours late for work along with everyone else in the capital I think, and today I arrived two hours late, and of course had to stay longer and make up the time. Plus I’ve missed out on going to two gay groups this week, and I didn’t go last week because I was moving house so I’m not a happy bunny about the whole thing. It’s supposed to be getting resolved though and they tell us it should be back to normal by tomorrow, which I hope is true. Tomorrow night it’s the reopening of the Glassbar, a women only venue near Euston which I’m going to try and go to as I think it’s important to support anyone who tries to create a women’s only space in the community, and at the weekend my friend Simon is in town so I’m going to meet up with him for a bit and spend some time together before he jets off to Paris to live.

So on the domestic front all is well. I should also mention that I’ve gotten through to the final stage of interviews for a job I’m applying for which takes place next week and which I’m extremely nervous about. Quite honestly I don’t think I’ll get the position because I know they’re looking for some one with more experience, but if I did get it it would mean A security, and B a lot more money which of course is important if I want to go about starting my own business eventually. The only thing that isn’t going very well at the moment is my love life, and I’m finding that I’m growing tired of being completely single. That’s not to say I want a full on relationship because I don’t, but it would certainly be nice to date some one fairly regularly, go out for dinner and to the theatre and the like, and of course the physical side of things too. I’m starting to miss having some one to share things with and cuddle up too, get excited about seeing and look forward to spending time with. And I know I should stop looking because that’s usually when people tend to come along, so I’m trying not to think about it too much. Una is also a bit pissed off with me because since I’ve moved and had a new bed, I’ve enforced a “dog’s not allowed on beds” rule, which she is trying her best to ignore. I have to keep waking up in the night to mutter “get down!” As she tries to creep up when I’m asleep. So she’s banished to the sofa which I’m going to start weaning her off, as soon as I get a new one, so I’m not her favourite person at the moment. She also totally embarrassed me on our first day living here. I could tell she was anxious and was wondering what the hell was going on, and the first thing that tends to show signs of any distress she’s in is her stomach. So yeah, you probably guessed it, when walking down the stairs to get to the ground floor she decided to stop and do a great big poo right there and then, and some one else was coming down the stairs behind us, and oh my God how I hate animals sometimes. Thankfully she’s not done it since, I think it was nerves because she’s of course extremely well house trained, little monkey. She’s also causing great amusement in the office because her latest favourite position is to lie in the middle of the floor on her back with her legs spread wide open and a rope toy between her paws which she chews. It looks very cute but very undignified, and everyone that walks past calls her a tart or a hussy or a slapper or something like that. Bless her.

I need to sort out some travel plans now that I’m settled in my new home, haha listen to me, how contradictory, but seriously I feel like I’ve not had a holiday for ages. And really I haven’t, I went to America in March and that was a very active trip, not so much a sun and sea holiday which is what I’m in need of right now. When I complained about it the other day DL made noises about also needing a break away, but I’m not sure that us going away together is a good idea, I don’t think we’re quite at that stage just yet, and I think that if we did go away we’d probably fall back in to the couple routine which is definitely not a good idea.

I’m going to finish with the lyrics to a song by the Amateur Transplants, if you’ve not heard of them you should look them up because a lot of their stuff is very good. Anyway this one is entitled London Underground, and it just about sums it up this week…

Some people might like to get a train to work
Or drive in in a Beamer or a merc,
Some guys like to travel in by bus,
But I can't be bothered with the fuss
Today I'm going to take my bike,
Coz once again the Tube's on strike.
The greedy bastards want extra pay
for sitting on their arse all day
even though they earn 30K .
So I'm standing here in the pouring rain,
Where the fuck's my fucking train?

London Underground
London Underground
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground
London Underground
They're all greedy cunts I want to shoot them all with a rifle.

All they say is "Please mind the doors",
and they learned that on the two day course,
This job could be done by a four year old.
They just leave us freezing in the cold.
What you smell is what you get
Burger King and piss and sweat
You roast to death in the boiling heat,
With tourists treading on your feet
and chewing gum on every seat,
so don't tell me to "Mind the gap"
I want my fucking money back.

London Underground
London Underground
They're all lazy fucking useless cunts
London Underground
London Underground
They're all greedy cunts I want to shoot them all with a rifle

The floors are sticky and the seats are damp,
Every platform has a fucking tramp,
But the drivers get the day off when
we're all late for work again,

London Underground
London Underground
WaWa Wankers , They're all Wankers ,
London Underground
London Underground
Take your Oystercard, and shove it up your arsehole.

Home is where I lay my hat

I’m not going to go in to the details of the stressfulness of what it’s like looking for somewhere to live in the capital, but it is surficed to say that this last couple of weeks have been one of the most stressful times of my life. I’ve been to view properties where people outrightly false advertise, I’ve been turned down countless times because I have the dog, I’ve searched and searched until last weekend I was contemplating having to move back up north because I was going to become homeless if I stayed here. Thankfully due to the wonderful strength of my friends and the support they gave me I managed to stick with it, and on the last day I had to look for places I got a studio flat in west London which I’m moving in to to tomorrow. I can’t tell you how relieved I am, plus utterly exhausted, as I’ve been working, on a training course for a few days, plus had an interview for another job in the meantime. So I’m off to bed and will write more as soon as I have the net up and running at the new place, just wanted to stick my head around the door to let you know I’m still here and doing ok. And hugs to everyone up north, I miss you and love you all very much, and I’ll be popping up very soon for a night out and hugs!

I know I'm open minded, but even I have limits!

I've been living here for five weeks now and I've been steadily growing more unhappy with every passing day. There are a number of things very wrong with the house I'm living in, but I thought I could just about handle it, until this weekend. Saturday night I got in and walked up the stairs to my room. I was going to call out and say that I was home, when i heard groans coming from the boys room so decided against it. Sunday morning I was woken up by very loud noises. It turns out the guys had decided to advertise on the net for people to come join them, and an all male orgie was taking place in the next bedroom. That's when I decided to move out. Having strange men walking through my house, using the bathroom, smoking weed and fucking each other all day long is both unacceptable and extremely offensive to me. I spent most of yesterday at O's house, not knowing what the fuck to do, and today I've been back on the net house hunting. It's not just the incessant sex parties that are the problem, it's the lack of space, the broken freezer that they haven't replaced meaning it's difficult to cook, the dirty plates all over the kitchen, the grotty bathroom, my tiny tiny bedroom, their constant smoking of weed in the house, I just can't take it anymore. I told them tonight that I was moving out as soon as possible, and to be honest, I don't give a fuck whether they like it or not. I'm not an unreasonable kind of person, but this has pushed me to the limit and I either need to move out soon or I'll seriously flip my lid and have some kind of emotional breakdown, lol. Anyone got a spare room?

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye!

And already, it’s time to go…

I’ve spent my last few days in Sheffield flitting between meeting up with various different friends to say my goodbyes, and returning to the flat to pack an endless amount of crap in to boxes. I’m now sitting in my lounge and there’s not much left in here, save the furniture that was already installed before we got here. I have nothing to eat from as all the kitchen wear is gone, all my clothes are packed up apart from what I’ve left out for tomorrow, and everything else, cd’s, dvd’s, sterio etc etc is sitting in the multitude of huge boxes that are filling the lounge, hallway and bedroom. I shouldn’t have been leaving until Tuesday, but late this week I got an email from a graduate scheme inviting me to an assessment centre this Wednesday. Not the most convenient of times, and when I tried to call and change the day, the leader kindly informed me that this was the last assessment centre until September. I’m quite annoyed because they’ve only given me the option of this one, and it’s in fucking Manchester of all places, which really doesn’t help. So now I have to go to London tomorrow, drop all my stuff, go to my parent’s in Staffs on Tuesday and stay the night and get the train to Manchester on Wednesday morning, heading all the way back to London that same night. What a nightmare! I also have a presentation to prepare with a title that really doesn’t mean much to me at all, so I get the feeling I’m going to fuck it up good style. Really I should have waited until the September assessments, but obviously I don’t want to be out of work at all if I can help it and so the sooner I get something permenant sorted the better. So we changed the moving date to tomorrow and my parents are heading up with a van in the morning.

Thankfully XDL came up this week because we had tickets to go and see Beyonce at the Nottingham arena, so on Wednesday we spent the day there shopping and saw the concert in the evening. She was absolutely fantastic, I have to say, well worth going to see. I’ve also booked tickets this week to see Maroon 5 at Wembley in December. So XDL has been helping me pack, something which I’m very greatful for because there’s no way I’d have got it all done on my own. The downside is that we’ve been arguing a lot this week. She’s been in a really bad mood and I started the week with really bad PMT, not a good combination. She’s also gotten really depressed again and I’m not feeling at my most sympathetic, partly because I do think that she could do more to help herself, and so that wasn’t a good combination either. Added to the fact that while we were packing everything up we found some of her things that had gotten left out of the boxes I packed for her in January when she moved out. So she started ranting along the lines of, “if you’d just have let me pack my things myself instead of boxing everything up before I got here,” and I retaliated with, “well if you’d got yourself sorted sooner I wouldn’t have had to would I?” And you can imagine the rest. The argument ended with me shouting, “and you wonder why we are no longer together!” and she stormed out of the flat leaving me fuming. That was yesterday. Today she’s been sullen and not very talkative and I’ve tried to be nice. She also thinks that now I’m moving to London I won’t make time for her, and to be honest I think that not spending much time together might turn out to be a good thing because she really needs to get her head around the fact that we are well and truly over, and obviously seeing me isn’t helping that along any. So yes, while she’s been an absolute godsend in the packing up sense, the emotional side hasn’t been so good.

I was doing really well at saying goodbye to everyone, keeping very cheery and maintaining the “we’ll definitely keep in touch” thing, and it didn’t really phase me until I was sitting in my friend Simon’s garden this afternoon with a cup of tea. He was saying how much he’d miss me, and it suddenly hit me that I’m leaving tomorrow, and I’m not taking all of my lovely friends with me. And so I started to cry. Then he started getting tearful, and we ended up sitting on the grass and holding each other very tightly and I sniffled in to his shoulder while he tried to mutter words of reassurance. I can’t believe it’s actually happening now. It’s hard to imagine not coming home to this flat again, not seeing the people I love so much on a regular basis. I’m moving to a very big city and I only know a handful of people at the most, I’m starting a new job, I’m living with complete strangers and to be quite honest I’m starting to feel very, very nervous about the whole thing. Deep down I know I’ll be fine, but I also know that it’ll take me a while to adjust. And I’m very aware of the fact that I don’t want to lean on XDL too much for support because she’ll probably end up reading more in to it and that’ll start getting even more messy than it already is. So, if there are any warm and friendly sociable people reading this, preferably female, who live in London and who want to befriend an initially very shy, rather scared but very friendly gay girl in her early twenties, just shout!

So I’m going to make my last post from Sheffield, and I’m also changing the title of the blog as you may notice. This evening we’re going out to eat, and then going to the pub with my flatmate and the people from upstairs for my final fairwell drink. Then it’s all systems go in a transet van down the M1. Fingers crossed we A don’t break down, B don’t get lost, or C my separated parents don’t end up killing each other on the way. So long Sheffield, hello London!

House Hunting

Hmm, trying to find somewhere to live in London might not be as easy as I thought it would be. What with it being the biggest city in the UK and all that you'd think there would be scores of places to rent. Well there are, but they're either not in the areas I want to live in, and believe me I'm not being too discriminating, only ruling out the getto types, or they're waaaay out of my price range. I've emailed a couple of people today hoping they'll get back to me, and I've spoken to one woman on the phone who sounded lovely, only the house is quite far from my job, and the bedroom doesn't have any furniture, hmm. Part of the problem is as soon as I mentioned the word "dog" most people are like uh' uh, doesn't matter that she's the cutest labrador ever!

Actually speaking of Una, she's been ill all this week. We've been to the vets twice, and she's on antibiotics for gastroenteritis, and has thankfully stopped throwing up everywhere for the time being, poor thing. So the dog being sick, added to how much work I have to do in the next four weeks, added to the fact that I have to move out in five weeks and I don't have anywhere to live yet, added to my birthday being in two weeks and people consistently asking me what I'm doing to celebrate and me not having a clue what to do to celebrate, is turning me in to one big ball of stress. Grrr! Oh well guess I'd better get back to tralling internet sites looking for a new home for me and my pooch.