Je vais a Paris!

I have spendtmost of the afternoon on the phone to friends in Sheffield, my friend Simon in Paris, and Eurostar, trying to get a trip to go and see him sorted out. I mentioned that I wanted to go a while back but that the tickets were too expensive, but we've managed to get really cheap ones going in January. So three of us, Frankie, Helen and I are all going to Paris for the weekend to visit Simon and I booked the tickets a few minutes ago. I'm very excited, I haven't been there since I was a child and it'll be lovely to have a sort of girlie weekend away with friends to blast away any new year blues.

In other news this week my sex drive seems to have gone through the roof. How high can it get you might be thinking, but remember when I had that week of not masturbating at all? Well I've definitely been making up for it this week, my BOF's haven't had so much atention in a while. On a mental score I'm feeling really great at the moment as well, and although I do hope DL is doing ok I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am no longer being made to feel guilty for living my life without her.

Yesterday I was in the office all day doing my charity stuff and then Baby G and CC came over for dinner in the evening. Today I haven't done much at all and I'm having a night in front of the TV tonight saving my pennies and avoiding the rain that has been pouring continuously for what feels like weeks now. Tomorrow Mr C is coming over for another jamming session and that reminds me I need to learn a song in preparation so I'll be doing that tonight as well. On Monday my mother is visiting for a few days and then I have two christmas parties to go to at the end of the week. I can't believe it's nearly christmas, time to definitely do some shopping and I need to book my train tickets to go and see my parents as well. I plan to leave London on the 23rd and return on the 28th in time for new year celebrations. Right now though my dinner is cooking, it's nice and warm and I'm going to curl up with a book in a bit and have an evening to myself.

Paris

I'm going to Paris! My friend Simon, the one who moved there a few weeks ago just called and he wants me to go and stay for a few days. He's a male nanny out there which I think is hilarious! So I'm going to take the euro star in a couple of weekends time and go spend a few days. I haven't been to Paris since I was a child, and I'm so excited. It'll be a wonderful opurtunity to revamp my french, plus it's an amazing city in its own right. Simon has a room right in the centre which is apparently very tiny, and on a famous bulivard, the name of which escapes me now. So I have to find out how much the tickets will be, find some one to look after Una for me, and then I'm off!
Aaaah! i'm going to Paris I'm going to Paris I'm going to Paris!!!

Jet Lag!

Shit! I am seriously jet lagged, it’s almost one in the morning and I feel like it’s the middle of the afternoon. Fuck!

The last three days in New Orleans sped by. On Saturday we went to the mall in the morning and then to the French Quarter again in the afternoon where I bought some bits to take back home. Then in the evening we went on the dinner cruise that Kerry had booked for us a few weeks previously. The food was delicious, seasoned chicken with garlic potatoes and southern style spinach, with bread pudding for dessert. After we ate dinner we headed out on deck and listened to the jazz band play while the river crept by beneath us and it was really lovely apart from it being slightly too cold to stand still for long. We wondered around, looked in the gift shop and then went to sit out again so that Kerry could view the New Orleans skyline as we headed back up river. It was around ten when the cruise ended and we headed back to the hotel and chatted for ages before going to bed. We talked a little about past relationships, and our discovery of our feelings for women, it was definitely good to get to know Kerry a little better.

On Sunday morning we headed to Kerry’s house and I met her two lovely pooches, Iris and Nelly who immediately took a liking to me. Then we headed out to Mississippi to go to the beach. It was a marvellous day, brilliant sunshine and it was really warm, and as soon as we were within throwing distance of the water I wanted to get in. It took a little coaxing for Kerry to actually get her whole body in to the ocean as she thought the water a little cold, and we swam around and flicked water at each other and luxuriated in the calm waters of the bay. After that we lay on towels to dry and then headed back at around four as we were going out with Kerry’s parents for dinner that evening. Her family are lovely people, her brother is very sweet and her parents really interesting and good conversation. We went to a seafood restaurant and I had, yes you guessed it, fried shrimp, my favourite, and when dinner was over Kerry and I headed to Bourbon street which is where most of New Orleans night life is situated. We went to a gay bar which proved interesting, being more male oriented than female, and then I sampled a hurricane drink which was delicious.

On Monday we rose a little later than usual and then headed out to Oak Ally, a sugarcane plantation about forty five minutes drive away. We were given a guided tour of the beautiful old house with some history on the plantation, and on the way home we stopped to get a McDonalds ice-cream Sunday. I’m making a point of telling you this because they stopped selling them in the UK about ten years ago and I used to be crazy about the caramel ones. So when I discovered through Kerry that they still sold them in the US, well of course I had to have one. It was divine! In the evening we headed to a lovely Italian restaurant and then stopped at the store where Kerry bought me a huge fluffy pink Easter bunny, so cute!

So yesterday morning we were up and making sure that everything was packed and arrived at the airport by ten thirty. Kerry was given a special pass to let her through to the gate which was nice and she stayed with me until it was time to get on the plane. We did have a serious moment when she asked me if there was any hope of us having a relationship when she moved to the UK, and I did feel a little awkward because we’ve always been clear about the fun we’ve had being casual. I explained as nicely as I could that I’m really not looking for anything right now and that I just wanted her friendship, and she seemed ok with that, more worried that she’d asked the wrong question than anything, so I hope I’ve not disappointed her or hurt her feelings in any way.

So yes, in total I travelled for more than 24 hours spanning yesterday and today. First I took a flight to Dallas which lasted an hour and a half, then I had a three hour wait to get my connection, then took a nine hour flight to London, which is six hours ahead of New Orleans time. So by the time we touched down at Gatwick it was 8 in the morning and I felt shattered. It took until around nine to get through customs and baggage reclaim, and I was so pleased to see DL still there waiting for me. My phone hadn’t been working properly and I was afraid she’d panic and wonder where I was because it took so long to get through the airport. But she was there and we headed to her car for the drive through London to the train station. I don’t know why but when we were in the car I felt so emotional, it’d been so long since we’d seen each other, and to be honest I’d been feeling a little empty inside lately. But when I saw her there in the airport it was like some one had pulled the plug on all my feelings, and I sat there in the car with my heart full and aching, feeling like some one had punched me in the stomach, and I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. I felt so embarrassed and when she asked what was wrong I just said that I was tired and not to worry and she didn’t push it any further. On the way to the station we stopped for some breakfast and spent time chatting, and then I dozed most of the rest of the way there. She kept making me jump by resting her hand on my leg when I was half asleep and I felt bad for being sleepy when it had been two months since we’d seen each other. At the train station we arrived to discover I’d just missed a train home and had to wait an hour for the next one, so we sat in a café and drank strong coffee. By now I was feeling like death warmed up and was longing to lie down somewhere, anywhere to sleep. DL said that she wanted to come home with me and we laughed and I told her she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes with her. We did lots of flirting and she made lots of sexual innuendos, little minx, and we’re meeting up for dinner next week when I’m back in London. When the train was ready to leave we had the biggest hug and she reluctantly pulled away, saying that she didn’t want me to leave. I felt sad too, and am starting to realise how fucked up this situation is. I don’t seem to feel anything anymore unless I’m with her, and when she’s there it’s like I come alive. I keep thinking about the reasons why we separated and know they were valid and genuine, but part of me can’t help wondering what if we gave it another go? Maybe we’d learn from our mistakes and not make them again twice. God it’s so messed up, and I’m well aware that we both need time and space and at least another few months needs to pass before we can even think about reconsidering the relationship stuff. I just don’t know what to do. Do I still love her? Yes. Do I feel safe with her? Yes. Does she make me happy? Hmm, at the moment when we see each other, yes, but not so much when things got bad between us. Do I think it could work again? I really don’t know. The chemistry and electricity is still there between us, I feel like I’m home when she’s close to me, but it was such an incredibly hard decision to make leaving her and it was so painful that I know I need to be 200 per cent sure that I’m doing the right thing if I were to go back to her. And right now I’m not, so I guess that’s that for the time being…

So here I am, in bed wide awake, totally jet lagged, not being able to sleep when I actually have the chance too, a million thoughts running through my head. I finally got home at around six this evening after a two and a half hour train journey, and called the people who were looking after Una straight away so that they could bring her home. I missed my baby girl so much and she went crazy when she saw me, I don’t know who was more pleased, me or the dog. So we’ve spent most of the evening on the sofa together while I’ve caught up on the l-word and tried not to think about everything I have to do within the next few weeks. For a start I have to work my arse off studying, I have three assignments to write, three presentations to prepare, plus a pile of books to read and it’s all due in very, very soon. I’m also in London next week as I mentioned earlier doing some work experience with a grants company which will be interesting but I’ll be very busy I think. On Friday of this week mum is coming over for the day to bring the rest of my things that she took home in her suitcase, and then in the evening Casual Lover is coming over and staying the night. Apparently she’s missed “my good loving” while I’ve been away so I get the feeling I’ll need my energy. Why then do I get the feeling I’ll be awake half the night and asleep most of tomorrow? Damn the time difference between the UK and US, it’s thrown me completely. Anyone want to sing me a lullaby? Lol.

New Orleans part 1

So, from the freezing temperatures of New York to the humid heat of New Orleans…

I arrived yesterday after two flights that lasted five hours in total. They both past by relatively quickly, the first one because they showed the movie Dream Girls, and the second because I was chatting to the woman next to me for the entire flight. Towards the end however I found myself drifting off and not concentrating on what she was saying, thinking instead about meeting Kerry at the airport and how nervous I was. As one of the cabin crew took me off the plane and in to the airport terminal I was surprised to find Kerry right there waiting, she’d managed to wangle her way through security in order to meet me right at the gate. Not expecting to see her I was a little taken a back and just kind of stood there while she hugged me taking it all in and then felt slightly bad for my delayed reaction. We then headed to baggage reclaim and for a while we both thought my suitcase hadn’t made it on to the connecting flight from Dallas, but thankfully we recovered it at the last minute. We drove straight to the hotel which is beautiful, we have a studio apartment with kitchenette and a large bed and air conditioning thank heavens. We checked in and explored the room and after a while went to a lovely restaurant to eat BBQ food for dinner. I was exhausted from the flying and so we headed straight back to the hotel and to bed. My body clock is still screwed and I ended up being wide awake at four in the morning, but we found a way to pass the time until I could sleep again, which I’ll leave to the imagination.

Today we woke fairly late and Kerry went out to get Beignet’s for breakfast while I dozed in bed. After we ate we dressed and headed down to the French Quarter and spent the rest of the morning wondering around. So far I’ve bought some Tobasco sauce, shrimp Creole mix and Jambalaya mix to take back home to the UK, and a history book on the city of New Orleans along with a jazz cd, and Kerry bought me a Café du Monde mug. This afternoon I met two of Kerry’s friends at their workplace and then we headed back to the hotel for a couple of hours… after which we headed out to meet the Café Q group which is a gay group Kerry is organising. The plan was to go to a jazz club tonight to watch a show and eat dinner, but we ran out of time before the show started and so went there for dinner and plan to go back on Sunday night. I had fried shrimp with rice and broccoli which was delicious, and I’m hoping that I don’t end up with an upset stomach because the last couple of times I’ve eaten seafood I’ve ended up with one. So we returned to the hotel fairly early and got lost in each other for a couple of hours, and now I’m writing this while she’s surfing the net before we go to sleep. I’m so pleased I can get wireless in the hotel because it means I can blog in more detail and not have to try and remember everything I’ve done. I’m having a great time so far, the weather is glorious being in the late 70’s today and I’m enjoying Kerry’s company very much.

Tomorrow we are going to the mall in the morning, back to the French Quarter in the afternoon and then on a dinner cruise in the evening. Sunday we’re heading to the beach at Mississippi and I’m meeting Kerry’s family before heading back to the Jazz club. Ok, I don’t want to be tied up on the net for too long, but I’ll post again soon. And in response to Kristcgs comment about coming to the south west, feel free to invite me and I’ll see what I can do haha, I’ve certainly been bitten by the travel bug and I’m liking the US.

LDN to NYC

Oh my God I’m in New York! Well I’m just about to leave it actually but I’ve had the most amazing five days ever here! Sorry I haven’t had the chance to update, one reason was that we couldn’t find a travel adapter plug that went from the UK plug to the US socket until yesterday, and the other reason is that we’ve been out all day every day and only returned to the hotel to collapse exhausted in to bed last thing at night. I’ve had such a good time, it’s been really incredible, and I’ll try and remember in what order we did things so that I can post accurately.

Saturday we spent the entire day travelling. We were lucky to get our flight because the ones before ours were cancelled due to heavy snow in NY. But we made it, and landed in temperatures only slightly above 0, and snow! We took a cab to the hotel and arrived at around ten at night, although we were really tired because of the four hour time difference. The hotel was great, I can’t praise it enough for the money we paid, it was cheap, warm, clean and the staff were really friendly, plus we were in the perfect location to look around. We stayed in Greenwich Village, which was wonderful because it was downtown enough to be out of the madness, yet close enough to central Manhatton just to take the subway in to the hustle and bustle and the absolute craziness that is New York. On Sunday we got up and wondered around Times Square before catching the boat to Statton Island, where we did some more wondering around and had lunch in a lovely little diner with a very cute waitress. I can’t remember what we did in the evening, it feels like so long ago and we’ve done so much while we’ve been here. On Monday we went on a bus tour of Downtown which was great because we could get on and off the bus wherever we wanted. Among others we visited the Empire State building, the West Village, Ground Zero which was incredibly moving and a shopping mall where mother bought clothes. Then in the evening we went on a night tour of the city which again was fantastic, apparently very beautiful with all the lights and sky scrapers etc, although I was freezing cold being on the top of an open bus.

Tuesday we went on the Uptown tour, got lost in Harlem which wasn’t so good, went to Central park where we went ice skating which was hilarious and then to Bloomingdale’s. In the evening we went to Broadway to see The Colour Purple, and I have to say that if you ever get the chance to come to New York, please, please, please GO AND SEE THAT! It was fucking incredible! The best play I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I would definitely go and see it again!!! It really did move me to tears and they didn’t really play down the lesbian plotline which I thought they would do. It really was something! Wednesday we spent doing last bits of shopping and walking around to the places we hadn’t yet visited and by last night we were exhausted.

I know I’ve sort of listed everything we’ve done, but it really has gone by in a worl wind. I can tell you that I’ve never done so much walking in my entire life and my thighs and ass are now much more toned than before, but my stomach is bigger because of all the fantastic food heehee. I really can see why America has an obesity problem because you can get anything and everything at any time of day and the portion sizes are heeeeeeuuuuge compared to the UK. I’ve also seen a lot of very attractive women since I’ve been here, but we didn’t get chance to check out the gay scene because there was so much else to do, and let’s face it your mother isn’t really the ideal person to go girl spotting with is she?

So now I’m in JFK airport, on my way to New Orleans to see Kerry. I’m so excited, we talked on the phone yesterday and I don’t think either of us can believe I’m coming! Oh! My! God! I’m in the US!!! I don’t think I’ could live here though, or at least not in New York, the only negative thing I have to say about it is that it’s very man made and flaunts mass consumerism on a very large scale. There’s something unnatural about being able to go out and get anything you want even in the middle of the night, and the sky scrapers make it feel very oppressive. It’s a great place to visit though I have to admit and I would definitely come back.

Well I think that’s all for now, it’s nice to know I’ve been missed though. I’ll send you my next update from New Orleans. xx

Off on my travels

I’ve spent all day running around like a mad head, trying to pack and get ready to go to the US. I swore I wouldn’t over pack, and yet my suitcase is full. I get the feeling I’ll have to buy another suitcase out there to bring shopping back with me. Casual Lover has been texting me all week wanting to meet up before I go, and so I found an hour this afternoon to go see her. We had great sex as ever, and she did make me smile when after I took my clothes off, she paused, and when I asked what was wrong, she commented, “I’d just forgotten how gorgeous you are.” She’s had a new tattoo on her right hip though so I did have to be careful when fucking her, not wanting to catch it.

Mother arrived this afternoon and is even more excited than I am if that’s possible. She’s getting ready for bed now, wonder if she’ll actually get to sleep or if she’ll keep me awake talking instead. I can’t believe it’s actually happening. I’ve always wanted to go to New York, and heading on to New Orleans to see Kerry is an extra added bonus, I can’t wait to be there. Oh and when checking my flight tickets this afternoon I realised I'm actually getting back to Gatwick not Heathrow, woops! Slight fuck up on my part. Thankfully DL wants to see me when I get back, so she's coming with the car to meet me. Ok, think that’s all I have time for, I need to get some sleep. I’m taking my lap top so will do my best to get online and post while I’m there. See you all soon!

PS: I just had an email from the woman I worked for in Albania three years ago. We’ve always kept in touch and she’s wanted me to go back ever since. However, she’s a strict Christian and the last time we spoke I came out to her, and she didn’t take it too well. So a few weeks ago I emailed to see how she was because she’s getting married soon, and I just got a two line response back from her, which was cold if anything. Oh well, you winn some you lose some, she’s probably praying for my soul to be reclaimed from the devil or whatever. It did upset me though all the same. Bloody homophobes! Anyway, big apple here we come! Woo!

New York Baby!

Yes, I'm coming to the good old US of A! Anyone live in New York?...

This is one of my crazy, impulsive, let's just do it trips that I don't do very often, but when I do, I go all out. I was thinking about the trip to China at easter, and there were a few things that were getting in the way of it all running smoothly. For a start I couldn't book the flights until fairly late which put the cost right up, and my dear friend who I intended to visit is at uni so it would restrict what we could do. I did also plan to go to New York this year for my birthday, although not around the time of it because of my finals, so I thought about swapping them around. I mentioned it to my mother and she thought it would be a possibility, and then I started looking at flights. They were coming up really cheaply, and there were two people I really wanted to go and visit too, that is my friend Baby G who is in St Louis for six months, and Kerry, (Chasing Midnight). So i calculated the round trip and it was still coming up at an affordable price, so I started getting really excited. Anyway the long and short of it is, after days and days of consulting with people, looking at flights and hotels, I am now going to New York with my mother, and then on to spend five days with Kerry in New Orleans, and this is happening in March! I am so excited I can't put it in to words, and when I had finally booked all the flights and hotels I just screamed and bounced around for ages, along with my mother who is also equally as excited as I am. I think she's a little nervous about flying home by herself but she'll be fine if she doesn't think about it. So yes, the USA, here I come!!!!! In NY we're staying in a hotel in Greenwich village so we're at the centre of everything, and in New Orleans I'm staying near the French Quarter, and Kerry will be staying with me. She's already started planning what we're going to do with the time we have, which leaves me to think about what I'm going to do in New York. I definitely want to go shopping and to the theatre, any other suggestions are very welcome.

In other news I've started back at uni, and already I feel like I'm five paces behind my life. I don't think i've been on time for any appointment this week and I'm dead on my feet. I also decided to cut contact with DL on Friday because I didn't feel that her calling me everyday was doing her any good. It was terribly hard to do, but I think it's for the best. I spoke with her briefly online yesterday and she sounds much better and more positive so I think it was a step in the right direction. I'm also learning a lot about myself and the relationships I make during this whole process, not only with DL, but with others also. Last night i lost a person who I considered to be a friend, because all of a sudden the connection we had is lost. I'm not sure if it's me with the emotional issues, or her, or both. I do know that I am in the process of grieving for what I lost with DL, and also healing and putting myself back together again. Time is a great healer, I do honestly believe that. It's also snowing here, for the firsst time in ages, which is pretty if not a pain in the ass. I've already been out today throwing snowballs at the dog, she loves it! She chases them and then eats them when she catches them, bless her. So yes, that's my news, only five more weeks and then I'm going trans atlantic!

I'm back! I'm back!
My god! It's taken so long...!!!

The reason I haven't been posting, is because for some reason our ISP had a problem accessing just this one site, and have taken forever to fix the damn
problem! I've hated not writing, it's like my outlet, and although I've jotted a few things down in word, I've not written propper posts really. Anyway,
what's been happening? I can hardly remember, days turn in to weeks and before you know it everything kind of murges in to one, and you forget the little
details of life. I'm going to paste below, a post I did write, last Monday, because it sums up my main bit of news:

Monday 27th March
Wow! What a few days! I’m so excited, and yet so torn at the same time. On Friday I heard from the organisation I was most interested in travelling with,
about going to Africa, and they offered me a place in Zambia, teaching English for a month, and also working in an orphanage. It sounded so good, and I
spent the whole weekend thinking about it, and yesterday it took me all day to work up the courage to ring and book the trip. Don’t get me wrong, I want
to go more than anything, but when it actually came to the crunch I realised how scarey and daunting a prospect it is. But hey, I’m up for a challenge,
and now I have to wait for confirmation and then go ahead and arrange flights. I’ll be leaving on 3rd July and returning on 31st and I can’t believe it’s
actually coming real! O! My! God!!! The downside is that DL is gutted about me going away, and yesterday she was so miserable I just felt awful. To be
honest, I think it’ll do her good, and give her some independence in the relationship, but she doesn’t see it that way at all and is dreading the prospect
of being on her own for a month. She even said she didn’t want to go on holiday before hand anymore, but I got kind of mad and told her to not let it ruin
the couple of months in between now and me actually leaving, so she agreed and I’ve called the travel agent today to find out about going to Lanzarote
– she’s getting back to me with some details.

So yeah, emotionally it’s been a crazy few days, I finally handed in my essay this morning and so I’m going to relax until next week starts, then get down
to work again! I’m soooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today
So yeah, I'm off to Africa and I can't quite believe it! It seems quite unreal still, and I can't believe it's only 3 months away. Uni has finished now
for three weeks, and for the past few days I've been relaxing and reading a Sarah Water's novel from start to finish, which was great, and also finishing
off American Psycho, which was very sick and disturbing. Next week I'll have to do some work, as I have a lot to get through over easter, but it's also
mine and DL's 18 month anniversary, so we're going to do something special. Then, a week today we're off to London for the week, and I'll stay for half
of it with DL's parents, and then visit friends, mainly Baby G, for the rest of the trip.

On Friday night I went to the cinema with Kim and Sean to see Trans America, which was very funny and moving and handled well I thought, as the subject
was transexuality. I arrived home to find that DL had baked a yummy cake, and bought me flowers, which was a lovely surprise. Yesterday my dear friend
who I call A gajer came to visit with her boyfriend. (she's Chinese and it means big sister, and I probably spelled it incorrectly). We spent the afternoon
shopping, which was great, it was lovely seeing her again as it's been a few months since we last met up. DL also surprised me with a new naval bar and
the new Sarah Waters book which I mentioned I intended to buy for my trip to Africa. I am very spoiled! Last night we ate very late, watched more episodes
of 24, and had mind blowing sex, which, I should add, just keeps getting more amazing and I'm the luckiest woman in the world to get whenever I want it.
Tomorrow we're having an Us day, which will probably involve breakfast in bed, followed by a day of making love and spending quality time together. I can't
wait!

Anyway, it's great to be back, and I'm very greatful to NTL for fixing the problem, although next time, do it faster!
I'm also going to back date another post, for the 22nd March, so that'll appear below this one, so don't miss it!
I'm now going to catch up on blog reading, and then cook dinner.