Sod's Law

Why is it that when you're really into some one they never seem to be bothered about you? And when some one is really interested in you you're not really feeling them too much? I think it's what they call, "Sod's Law", and it's definitely the case with me at the moment. When BB was around I was crazy about her, constantly thinking of her, texting her, calling, wanting to meet up and she wasn't too keen. Now the roles are reversed with Spanish Girl, she's texted me every day this week saying she's thinking of me and she's really looking forward to seeing me etc, and to be honest I could take it or leave it. I know that probably sounds horrible, but there really isn't anything else there for me apart from some good sex, that's it. She was supposed to be coming over tonight and I've been thinking about it for most of the day, kind of looking forward to the sex but not really wanting to have to cook and entertain her and struggle with the conversation because A we don't really know much about each others lives and B the language barrier gets in the way. So when Mr C's girlfriend called me a little while ago and asked if they could come over tonight, I felt annoyed that I'd arranged to see Spanish Girl. I texted her asking if we could meet tomorrow instead and she didn't seem to understand what I meant, so we then had a very difficult phone conversation where I tried to say, "today is difficult so I would prefer to see you tomorrow. But, if you can't meet up tomorrow then we can keep it at tonight." She didn't really understand what I was saying and just kept saying, "no today? No tomorrow?" In the end I said, "yes, not today, tomorrow," and she said that she would check what was going on with her family and get back to me. I'm usually very patient when it comes to her not understanding things, but I was starting to get exasperated on the phone and tried not to let my irritation show because it's really not her fault.
So now Mr C and his girlfriend are coming over tonight, and God knows if I'll see Spanish Girl tomorrow, but to be honest, I don't mind either way.

What else has happened this week... Had a fantastic night out on Wednesday when I saw
Frank Skinner
live on tour. I spent most of the night on the floor crying with laughter, his stand up is fantastic. I won't give too much away in case anyone is reading who is going to see him, but his discription of both giving and receiving oral sex had me doubled up, and his songs were great too.

Yesterday I was out all day at the charity I'm volunteering with at the moment. I don't know why but when I woke up yesterday I had the horn majorly but didn't have time to do anything about it, and so spent the entire day counting down the hours until I could go home and make myself come. It didn't help that
Naughty Angel
and I were discussing sex and sex toys for some of it, plus I got some exciting emails from websites I contacted in the hopes of doing some professional product reviews for them, so stay tuned to hear more about that in the coming weeks. So it was out of the office at five thirty, on a tube and home by 7, and a quick session with my BOF's before dragging myself out of sleepy post orgasm bliss to get dressed and head back out again. Last night I met up with an old school friend who I haven't seen for about 5 years. We always got on well at school and neither of us have changed much so we had a really good night. Had quite a lot to drink, got some food and chatted about old times, oh and perved at the bar maid in the pub we were in and agreed that she'd definitely get it from both of us. I may be femme but I can turn in to one of the guys when I'm around them, which is quite scary really because I'm dirty at the best of times.

So tomorrow I have no idea what's happening. If I don't see Spanish Girl I'm going to try and organise a night out with some of the girls and on Sunday I'm off to see Maroon 5 in concert with DL and Baby G. Monday Jill Scott is playing and I'm going to see her too and my friend Rosey is coming down from Sheffield to go to the gig with me and staying over until Tuesday which will be lovely.
Now I'm off to go and sort out the mountain of laundry I washed today and then have a bath before my friends arrive. Have a good weekend.

Product Review: Twist n Shake by Fun Factory

Product Review, Twist n Shake by Fun Factory

So, after attending Erotica 2007 on Sunday which I’ll speak more about later, I decided to test out my main purchase today, and let you know what I think. The Twist n Shake I bought was in the design of a caterpillar, but looking on the internet it seems you can get them in a variety of designs. The basic shape of the toy is in the style of a Rampant Rabbit, with a long shaft for penetrative stimulation that rotates and another smaller vibrating section that serves the clit. What I really liked about this toy on first sight was that the shaft has been modelled on the G-Twist, which is ribbed and has a curved finish to better catch the G spot. I already have the G-twist and it’s one of my favourite toys, it really does hit the spot and usually makes me squirt, so I thought that this one would do the same. The toy is made of medical grade silicone, so has a good quality feel to it and is easy to keep clean, and inside the shaft are balls that rotate near the base when activated. The battery compartment is a rather large square block of plastic, a far cry from the G-twists subtle, smooth and easy to grip toy that just pops off with one click. This in comparison I found uncomfortable to hold and it was quite cumbersome. On the front of the compartment is an off-on button, and two roller switches to control the two part of the toy, the rotation of the shaft and the vibration of the clit stimulator.

When I first turned the toy on , which by the way takes 4 AA batteries, the first thing that put me off was the noise. Both the rotating shaft and the vibrating part are quite loud, and when turned up to their maximum strength are not easy to disguise. You would have to have music on in a room to disguise this one if you still live at home, or are in a house share etc. When I first inserted the toy it felt good, the ribbed shaft provides lots of stimulation and the curved point caught my spot on the way in. But when fully inserted so that the smaller vibrating component was on my clit the curved point was well past my G-spot, and I found that if I placed the shaft with the point on my G-spot the clitoral stimulator wasn’t long enough to meet my clit, so it really either had to be one or the other which was disappointing.

I masturbated for about fifteen minutes and the end result was an orgasm that had to be coaxed more than anything. If I’m completely honest I’m not a huge fan of the rabbit design, when I masturbate I usually use two toys, a vibrating bullet for my clit and something like the G-twist for penetration. That way I can control the two separately and ensure I get maximum pleasure from both. But, I have used better rabbit designs than this, and for £45 it leaves a lot to be desired.

So, let’s break it down… If there’s anything you think I’ve missed out in terms of grading, please do let me know. It’s the first time I’ve done a product review so there are bound to be things I’ve missed.

Noise: 3/10
Quality of material: 8/10
Comfortable to hold: 3/10
Power of vibrations: 7/10
Aesthetic design: 9/10
Easy to use controls: 9/10
Flexibility: 2/10
Maximum pleasure design: 5/10
Value for money: 4/10
Successful climax: 4/10
Overall score: 54/100

Upbeat

Burrr it's so cold! Yesterday I went out and bought a lovely thick cream coloured winter coat with flease lining and a big hud which I quickly wrapped around my ears while my teeth chattered. It's the kind of weather that makes you want to stay home with the curtains drawn and the heat turned up, wrapped in a blanket with the dog curled up next to you snoring away while the rain drums on the roof and it grows dark outside. I've not been doing much of that though over the past few days, I've seen quite a lot of DL and it's actually been really lovely. She came to commedy on Wednesday, and then on Thursday she came to my place after work and I made dinner, and then yesterday we spent the day shopping and went out for dinner last night to my favourite Thai restaurant. We've been managing to have quite good conversations about things and she knows that I'm seeing some one casually although she knows nothing about her, and she's going to start looking for a new place to live so that she can move out of her mum's in the new year. I also had a catch up phone conversation with my friend Sean on Thursday night and he made me really belly laugh when he did a very good impression of Borat, and told me about his gay crush. My comment in response to his embarrassment was,
"Everyone wants to get shagged up the arse at some point in their life whether they're male or female, gay or straight,"
to which he cracked up and said he was going to put it on his facebook page as one of his favourite quotes. He also said, "I really miss you. I can't talk about sex with anyone else," which was a complement, I think, and apparently he gets wine served in some of his evening lectures as part of his MA course which I thought was fantastic.

Tonight, well in about an hour actually I'm heading in to town to go for a meal and then to Soho with the girls for a birthday party, and tomorrow I have a fun packed day. In the morning I'm going to
Erotica 2007
with some friends and in the evening I'm meeting the girls from work to go to the pub. I'll try and write again tomorrow to let you know what I bought, no doubt I won't be able to resist walking past all the stalls selling sex toys without buying a little something to keep me tick tick tickking!

On the up

I've chosen this title to what will be a very short post because, fingers crossed, it looks as though things are on the up.
The first good thing that happened this week was that I received a call from the graduate scheme I went for the assessment centre with last week and I'm through and on to the scheme and will start work in the new year. Woo! Finally! So this means I can relax for a little while and not have the stress of applying for jobs etc and now make the most of the time I have left not working and look forward to starting a new job.

The second good thing is that I have been having and will hopefully continue to have extremely good sex right now. The Spanish Girl came over on Tuesday and is supposed to be coming over sometime this weekend for some more fun and believe me, it is lots of fun. I've been masturbating to the image of me riding her while she's wearing the strap on, something which we did last Friday, all week long and I want a repeat performance. Something else which has fueled my solo orgasms are a couple I've made friends with. I'll call them the femme couple as I met them at the femmes meet I went to, and we've been in touch ever since and they came to the commedy night yesterday evening. I have to say they are probably the hottest couple I've ever met, and they're both really flirtatious which really doesn't help. We were exchanging stories about what is in our respective toy boxes and when they were talking about the strap on they'd just bought the thought of them fucking stayed in my head for the rest of the night. They're supposed to be coming over for dinner soon, I wonder if they'd be up for a threesome. One is English, tall and blonde and the other is an Arab and is shorter and very feisty. They're both gorgeous women and I'd love to get stuck in the middle heehee.

The final thing I want to mention is a blog some one gave me the link too. The blog in itself is great but the pod casts are something else. I'll add her to my blog roll but in the meantime you can check her out
here

Happy Thanks Giving to those of you in the US.

Stick to what you know, or more importantly, where!

Just before I start with this post can I just tell you that my neighbour is in his shower and he’s either talking to himself or some one else who is there, but in a very odd, darlic esque voice. Sounds very strange coming through my wall…

Today I ventured to East London, and never will I venture there again if I can help it. God it’s so uncivilised! You probably think I’m taking the piss, but my gosh everyone I met was so fucking rude! The station staff were horrible, I approached the barrier and found the gate man shouting at some one, “don’t interrupt me when I’m talking, wait your turn!” And he didn’t seem to notice that I was trying to squeeze past with the dog, while some cunt with a push chair was repeating, “’scuse me! ‘scuse me” very loudly behind me as if I didn’t hear them the first time. The reason I went east was for my interview, and to be frank even if they offered me the job which I’m not sure they will I wouldn’t work there anyway. The office was really shitty and run down, and yes I am aware that I sound like a snob, but that’s because I am. The people who worked there were also rude, not bothering to introduce themselves or even tell me who was doing the interview so I could be all friendly and introduce myself. I was just taken to this room where four people sat around a table and I didn’t know if they were other candidates or the people doing the interview until they started firing questions at me. Then I was taken over to a computer where I had to do a test in excel and the woman supervising didn’t even say hello to me. I said, “nice to meet you,” in a very pointed way and she just muttered something I didn’t catch and wondered off. So that was a total flop and I’ll be writing an email to the head of recruitment complaining about the staff and their lack of disability awareness and recommend they get some training. I don’t take kindly to being poked in the back by some one in an attempt to show me which direction to go to get somewhere, and at one point one of the interviewers said, “ok so now you can go and do the test, and (insert name) will carry you to where you need to go.” Carry me! I wasn’t aware that I couldn’t walk. By this point I was not a happy bunny and was tempted to rip the piss out of her when she read that I could speak French and tried to speak it very badly to me, but I didn’t. Oh and I had a horrible cab driver who couldn’t find the right building and kept jamming on the breaks and complaining very loudly as if it was my fault that I’d never been there before.

So, after what was a stressful experience I came home and cooked myself pasta and vegetables in tomato and cheese sauce with garlic bread and read some more of my book. It’s been pissing down with rain all day, and I mean really pissing down. I got drenched on the short walk from the bus stop to my house and I can hear it drumming on the roof as I write.

Oh, and something that made me laugh out loud when I got home… It’s a good job I didn’t take off my suit jacket during the interview, because I’d put my blouse on inside out this morning and hadn’t even noticed. I think that says it all.

Great Weekend!

This weekend has been one of the best I’ve had for a while. Friday night was obviously great, and woke up on Saturday morning feeling slightly hung over and so didn’t really do a lot except sit around drinking tea and reading the new novel by Alice Sebold, which if you were thinking of getting it is very good indeed. In the evening Baby G and I were off to see Beverly Knite live at the Royal Albert Hall with two of our friends, one of whom cancelled in the afternoon because she was feeling ill. I have been slightly concerned as you know about my lack of sex drive lately, and even on Friday night it was more about her pleasure than mine. So on Saturday afternoon I put myself to bed with my toy box and refused to move until I’d given myself an orgasm. I think it’s done the trick, seems to have kick started my libido again thank god, I was starting to worry.

So in the evening I headed out in the freezing cold to go to the show. I have to say I’ve never really been in to Beverly Knite and I only went because Baby G had extra tickets, but I’m very glad I did. She’s one of these artists who sounds so much better live than she does in the studio, and her voice was outstanding. She did a set that lasted for almost two hours straight with hardly any breaks and her vocals were incredible. I’m going to get some of her stuff from Baby G to see if I can get in to her now that I’ve been to see her. After the show we went and got chips because we were all hungry and then Baby G came to stay at mine for the night. That in itself was lovely, when we used to live together we used to spend hours just lying in bed talking and listening to music and It’s something we’ve both missed. So last night was great, although we were both tired we still managed to have a chat before falling asleep. She’s like a sister to me and I’m so proud of what she’s accomplished. She’s just arrived back from New York after going to the women’s therapy centre to undergo treatment for vaginismus, a condition that she’s battled with for the past couple of years ever since she found out she had it. At one point she really thought she’d never be cured of it and that she would never be able to have sex with her boyfriend, but since going to the clinic in New York she has been treated and has now had sex and no longer has vaginismus. I know how hard it was for her to go through what she’s been through and the treatment was painful and emotionally draining. But she has done it and she’s like a different person, like she’s really come in to her own now that she feels in control of her own body. She bought us both toys back from the States, in celebration of vaginas which work, and I used mine this evening and it’s really good!

We didn’t wake up this morning until eleven thirty and had to get up and out in time to meet five friends in town for Mr C’s girlfriend’s birthday. So today was spent in the pub, most people getting slightly drunk and me trying to resist because I have a job interview tomorrow. I got tipsy but then stopped because the last thing I need tomorrow is a hang over so switched to soft drinks, and the roast dinner and chocolate fudge cake with ice cream helped soak up the alcohol. I was very amused when Mr C told me that when the cab arrived to pick him up from my house the other day the following conversation ensued:
Cab driver: “Is that your Mrs?”
Mr C: “No she’s just a friend.”
Cab Driver, “Are you sure?”
Mr C: “Yes, she’s on the other bus.”
Cab driver: “Really? Please tell me you’ve tried though, please!”
Mr C: “Yes I’ve tried, she’s definitely gay.”
Cab Driver: “does she use our cab service much?”
Mr C: “No not really.”
Cab driver, “Shit! I was hoping I would pick her up sometime. Does she have a woman then?”
Mr C: “She’s usually got a couple on the go at once I think.”
Men! That’s all I can say…

The conversation didn’t get much better in the pub today either, my friends are very very smutty:
Baby G to our friend Rids: “What do you want for Christmas then?”
Rids: “some anal sex!”
And at another point:
Me to Rids: “Oy you talk to me. I haven’t seen you for ages how are you?”
Rids: “Well you’re too far away over there, I can’t stick my fingers in you from here.”
Mr C’s girlfriend who was sitting next to me: “I’ll do it for you.”
Followed by much laughter from everyone.
Me: “Stop talking about my vagina!”
I love my friends!

Oh, and Spanish Girl texted me yesterday asking when we could meet up. I suggested Thursday. She said, “how about tomorrow, I can’t stop thinking about last night.” I told her I couldn’t because I had plans and she didn’t seem very happy, so I suggested we meet on Tuesday instead. God there’s no pleasing some people.

I got home from the pub just after 8 and have washed and dried my suit. It’s absolutely freezing outside and I called my cousin up north to wish her a happy birthday and she told me it’s been snowing there. Jesus, winter is finally here I think. Time to get out the winter duvet! Or find some one to share my bed with and snuggle up too on cold nights.

Waterfall

She arrived in a short skirt, knee high boots, fish net stockings and a basque.
We drank wine, lots of it, chatted, kissed.
We stood together in the kitchen while she smoked cigarettes, my hand on her waste.
On the couch we touched, she leaning her head on my shoulder, me stroking her hair and back.
Later in bed, our clothes on the floor we entered each other, bodies sliding together, kissing constantly.
She came. Everywhere. On the bed, the towels that I’d fortunately placed to hand. In my mouth. On my pelvis as we grinded together. Rivers of it, cascading from her like a waterfall, powerful, intense, beautiful. She apologised, I told her not to be sorry.
Afterwards we sat facing each other on the bed, legs entwined, my thighs on hers, arms wrapped tightly around each other, kissing and talking, my hands in her hair, hers on the small of my back.
“perfecto,” she said, over and over again.
Today I am left with a hang over, a lot of washing to do, and a smile.
I’m glad I returned her call.

Fragments

I have had bad dreams and disturbed sleep every night this week. I don't really remember what the dreams were about, I just don't wake up feeling refreshed. Last night though I do remember something about being covered in shattered glass, and the glass was all over the floor and there was a girl there who was crazy and who kept smashing things. I had tiny fragments in my skin and hair and kept trying to pick them out without cutting myself.
I am tired most of the time and tend to fall asleep in the afternoons if I am home.
I read The Afghan by Frederick Forsyth in a couple of days and although I really enjoyed the book, I was disappointed with the anticlimax of an ending.
I went for a job interview on Tuesday to be a recruitment consultant, but due to the long hours, pressured environment and there being a score board in the office with everyone's commission scores on it I'm not sure I want the job.
Yesterday I went to an assessment centre for a graduate scheme and think I nailed it.
My friend Mr C came over today with his guitar and he played and I sang for about two hours. We are learning
this
and this
and hope to get a set together to play live somewhere.
The last time I made myself come was on Saturday. I haven't even attempted it, or even thought about it that much since then. So for once sex isn't the primary thing on my mind. I'm not even bothered if the spanish woman and I don't have sex tomorrow, it might actually be quite refreshing if we don't, but chances are we will because she's not coming over to play scrabble.
DL bought me Leona Lewis's debut album and I really like it. She told me to listen to
track 3
and that made me sad, to know that she feels that way.
I am eating a lot more than I should be at the moment. It's probably comfort eating, but the guy I walk the dog with once a week came today and said, "are you putting on weight?" Thankfully my head was in a cupboard looking for the dog whistle so he didn't see my face, but it really pisses me off that men think it's ok to say that to women. The next time he comes over I will be tempted to say, "has your dick shrunk? Only the buldge in your pants looks a lot smaller today."
I ordered a cab yesterday only to have it come and then the driver refuse to take me because I had the guide dog. That is actually against the law, but what can you do if the driver just leaves except report his ass and hope the authorities will revoke his licence.
Francesca and I are no longer friends, and I'm not really sure why. She is a very complex person and I can't seem to see the wood for the trees as far as working out her meaning is concerned. It's a shame we're no longer in touch, but I think it's probably for the best as we view things very differently and never seem to meet in the middle.
I cried for the first time in ages the other night. Cried propperly, balling, heaving sobs in to my pillow until my eyes were sore, my nose blocked and my head hurt. The release felt good.
Despite all this, I don't feel depressed, just in transition. Where I'm going and what I'm leaving behind, I'm not entirely sure yet.

Typical!

So just as I set myself the strict rule of being single and celibate, not dating or screwing anyone, some one up there decided to set me a challenge. I got a call this morning, or rather missed a call, and when I checked my messages, I had one that went rather like this.
"Hi, this is *insert name of the stunningly sexy medetaranean woman I screwed the hell out of at
the party.)
Please call me back when you get this."

So, I debated whether to call her or not, part of me wanting not to bother because of the way I feel at the moment, yet the curiocity in me wondering what she wanted and why she had chosen now to call me. So I called her back. She wants to meet up for "drinks and a chat" on Friday night. It's a bit difficult to explain to some one who doesn't speak good English that that's probably not a good idea because I'm trying not to get involved with anyone, or think with my pussy more importantly at the moment so we really should not meet up. I said yes. She's coming over on Friday night. That poses the question of, if her English is awful, and my spanish isn't that great, what are we going to do?...
Fuck! I think I might have just signed myself up for an evening of casual fun with a hot, femme, sexy woman. Oh well... What's a girl to do?
Don't look at me like that!

Bad Choices

I think that's what I've been making for a long time now. It has to stop. People only need the slightest reason to walk away, and they're gone. I put my faith in people, only to have it thrown back at me. Maybe I'm wrong to have faith, to trust people on their word, hope that everyone has good intentions. Because the simple fact is, they don't and most of the time people are just out for what they can get with no regard for anyone else. This isn't just the Cherry thing which has gone cold without any explanation. Maybe I am the explanation. I don't know. All I know is that lately I've spent more time feeling lonely, hurt or disappointed, angry or upset than I have happy. So I'm closing down the ranks, I'm not going to put myself out there again to get rejected or hurt. I'm going to stop being so open with other people and become guarded. No more casual sex, no more jumping in too fast. For now, it's just me on my own, and no one else. I've had enough. A year on from my break up with DL and I'm as lonely now as I was then. Maybe even more so having experienced more dishonest people, more selfishness. Bad choices are what it comes down to. Well no more, not if I can help it. The next woman who comes along who seriously wants to win me over is going to need a lot of strength and determination and a great deal of persevereance. I'm done with being an open book.