Sunday, September 23, 2007

Fun times

Christ, I haven’t stopped this week. On Monday I was overjoyed to see my friend Kim waiting for me at reception in the building where I work. I came through the door and there she was, and we had the longest hug ever and it was lovely to see her. We spent the whole afternoon together, chatting, eating great food and shopping. We went to a fab Italian restaurant in Soho, wondered around and bought make up, and then I insisted upon taking her to First Out for coffee and cake only to find it was closed. So we ended up at the coffee shop in Silver Moon bookshop, where hilariously while I was in the loo, a woman recognised Una and said to Kim, “Haven’t I seen her in First Out?” Kim replied, “Yes you probably have, her owner goes there a lot.” I love how the dog gets noticed but I don’t, haha. It’s because she’s so bloody gorgeous that’s why! Anyway we didn’t stop talking all afternoon, catching up on everything that’s been happening, baring in mind we hadn’t seen each other for three months which is the longest we’ve ever gone without meeting up. Anyway it was fab fab fab to see her and I was sad to leave her and miss her lots! That evening I made my way home and didn’t do a lot, just read a little and went to bed.

Tuesday I took Una to the vets after work and then went out in the evening to the usual Tuesday group meeting. We were small in numbers this week and so decided to go to a bar rather than stay in First Out, and I think everyone had a bit to drink. I also invited the girls to my house warming on Friday, one in particular I was hoping would come because I have a rather large crush on her and she’s very, very attractive and I would quite like to kiss her for hours, hold her hand while walking down the street, cook her some good food, take her to bed and stay awake all night touching and tasting every inch of her body and then hold her while she sleeps in my arms. Anyway that’s besides the point… I left the bar feeling exhausted and crawled in to bed at around midnight.

Wednesday I tried to stay awake at work and then went out again with the same group of girls, lucky me, to a different bar this time. This one was quieter and more chilled and after a couple of diet cokes I gave in and spent the rest of the evening drinking Bailies and trying not to make eyes at the hot hot one. Did I mention that I wanted to kiss her for hours, hold her hand………

Thursday didn’t go especially well. DL called me in the morning on her way to work and we had a huge fight. Basically her birthday is on Monday and she’d said she didn’t want to do anything at the weekend and that she was intending to work instead. She’d been insisting about this for weeks and weeks and I’d asked her if she was sure countless times. So I went ahead and made plans for this weekend, and on Wednesday she dropped into the conversation that we were apparently going for dinner on Saturday night. “No we’re not,” I said, “I’ve made plans because you said you didn’t want to do anything.” So then she flipped out and said that she obviously wasn’t important, blah blah blah, and gave me a huge guilt trip, and to be honest I was so angry because she can be so damn manipulative. Not wanting to do anything turned in to, “I wanted to spend the whole weekend with you,” and I ended up hanging up feeling pissed off and upset and running late for work. We’d planned to see each other that evening to go to the cinema to see Atonement, so we stuck to that and she resigned herself to the fact that because she hadn’t communicated her feelings properly she wasn’t going to get her way this time, it still didn’t stop her feeling sorry for herself though. Jesus Christ, sometimes she can be intolerable. Anyway we had a nice evening even though I was feeling emotional, the film was great, but it didn’t end too well. We were in the car on the way back to my place when I got a text from BB. I’ve basically decided to leave that situation alone because she couldn’t give me what I wanted and I didn’t think I could really be friends with her, and when she texted me all the emotions of the day I’d been holding in just came to the surface and I sat there with tears streaming down my face and staring out the window so that DL wouldn’t see me crying. Of course she picked up that there was something wrong and I said it was nothing, just that it was about some one I’d been sort of seeing. When we got back to my place she hugged me goodbye and that started me off again, and then she started crying and saying that she couldn’t handle me being with other women, that it cut her up and she didn’t know what to do. To be honest I think that we are going to have to have a break from the friendship for at least six months because although she tries to pretend she’s ok with everything, she’s really not, and it’s a year on and she’s still not even beginning to get over the relationship. I know it must sound cruel the fact that we still meet up and spend time together, but I really do think that the break has to be her idea. I’ve tried putting distance between us before with disastrous consequences, and I think the more I push her away the more she’ll keep coming back. So I want it to be her decision because then she’ll be in control of her feelings and maybe taking charge of things will help her get herself back on track. I hope so at least. Anyway after a long chat she left and I went to bed.

On Friday I woke up not feeling much better and went in to work feeling like shit. I sat there wanting to cry for most of the morning, god knows where all this is coming from, I must be due on my period because that’s the only reason I can account for feeling so fucking sensitive about everything. Anyway on Friday afternoon I had my flat to clean and prepare for the party, and the excitement of the night ahead cheered me up. It was a lovely evening, all my friends came and also some people from work, the girls from the gay group including the one I really, really fancy. I put on a bit of food and wore a skirt with a fairly low cut top and sandals, the chocolate fountain came out and the wine was flowing, so much so that towards the end of the night I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor, woops. Thankfully the crush had left by then so she didn’t see the inebriated me.

So yesterday I woke up not being able to lift my head off the pillow. It felt like a thousand led balls were rolling around in my brain, and after a cup of tea and some tablets I felt only slightly better. I finally got up and cleared away all the empty bottles to be recycled, and did the washing up and hoovered and mopped the floors. That afternoon my blogger friend F was arriving for the weekend so I wanted the place to look nice. Let me give you a brief history of me and F so that you’re up to speed.

We met through blogging just over a year and a half ago, she was living in another country and I was with DL. So we were friends for ages, and then a little while after I finished with DL we started to cross the line of intimacy on the phone. By this time she’d moved to the UK to study and we went on in this fashion for a bit. We stopped talking for a while because I felt she was getting a little intense and I was still quite cut up about the break up, so we sort of fell out and didn’t speak for a few months. When I moved to London I sent her an email saying I hoped that she was ok and that I thought of her, and she got back in touch and we’ve gradually built the friendship back up. She’s somewhat older than myself and we’re from completely different backgrounds and cultures, so it makes for an interesting friendship. We spend hours on the phone debating about all kinds of things, and we have regular and great phone sex. So anyway we’d been talking about meeting for a while now so that we could put faces to voices etc, and this weekend was the date we’d arranged. I was pretty nervous having shared things on the phone but never having met her before, and for the first couple of hours I was a bit quiet and giggly and she kept laughing and saying how nervous I looked. Anyway we ordered take out and chatted for a while and we were both quite tired so went to bed fairly early. We stayed awake and chatted for a while, and I was surprised at how shy and awkward I felt. I’d not backward in coming forward as we all know, but when she’d make a comment eluding to something sexual we’d talked about I’d go red and laugh nervously, even though I just wanted to be as open and forward as she was being inside. After a while of talking I turned on my side and she spooned me, cuddling in close. I think we were both thinking the same thing because after a while of being restrained her hand crept around my waste and the rest as they say, is history. Two orgasms later I was shattered and starting to fall asleep as she was talking to me. I remember muttering my apologies and saying that she’d knocked me out and then I was away with the faeries. We woke quite early this morning and I made tea and we lay in bed chatting for hours. Until I said, “I really want to play with your nipples,” and then it started all over again, the poor neighbours. Feeling satiated we eventually got out of bed at about three, showered and had some food. She left around five and texted a little later to say she’d had a wonderful time. I have to agree. So now I’m catching up with emails and obviously blogging and getting ready for my last week at work. Boohoo! Tomorrow is DL’s birthday so we’re going out for dinner, I hope it goes without incident.

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