Sunday, June 10, 2007

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye!

And already, it’s time to go…

I’ve spent my last few days in Sheffield flitting between meeting up with various different friends to say my goodbyes, and returning to the flat to pack an endless amount of crap in to boxes. I’m now sitting in my lounge and there’s not much left in here, save the furniture that was already installed before we got here. I have nothing to eat from as all the kitchen wear is gone, all my clothes are packed up apart from what I’ve left out for tomorrow, and everything else, cd’s, dvd’s, sterio etc etc is sitting in the multitude of huge boxes that are filling the lounge, hallway and bedroom. I shouldn’t have been leaving until Tuesday, but late this week I got an email from a graduate scheme inviting me to an assessment centre this Wednesday. Not the most convenient of times, and when I tried to call and change the day, the leader kindly informed me that this was the last assessment centre until September. I’m quite annoyed because they’ve only given me the option of this one, and it’s in fucking Manchester of all places, which really doesn’t help. So now I have to go to London tomorrow, drop all my stuff, go to my parent’s in Staffs on Tuesday and stay the night and get the train to Manchester on Wednesday morning, heading all the way back to London that same night. What a nightmare! I also have a presentation to prepare with a title that really doesn’t mean much to me at all, so I get the feeling I’m going to fuck it up good style. Really I should have waited until the September assessments, but obviously I don’t want to be out of work at all if I can help it and so the sooner I get something permenant sorted the better. So we changed the moving date to tomorrow and my parents are heading up with a van in the morning.

Thankfully XDL came up this week because we had tickets to go and see Beyonce at the Nottingham arena, so on Wednesday we spent the day there shopping and saw the concert in the evening. She was absolutely fantastic, I have to say, well worth going to see. I’ve also booked tickets this week to see Maroon 5 at Wembley in December. So XDL has been helping me pack, something which I’m very greatful for because there’s no way I’d have got it all done on my own. The downside is that we’ve been arguing a lot this week. She’s been in a really bad mood and I started the week with really bad PMT, not a good combination. She’s also gotten really depressed again and I’m not feeling at my most sympathetic, partly because I do think that she could do more to help herself, and so that wasn’t a good combination either. Added to the fact that while we were packing everything up we found some of her things that had gotten left out of the boxes I packed for her in January when she moved out. So she started ranting along the lines of, “if you’d just have let me pack my things myself instead of boxing everything up before I got here,” and I retaliated with, “well if you’d got yourself sorted sooner I wouldn’t have had to would I?” And you can imagine the rest. The argument ended with me shouting, “and you wonder why we are no longer together!” and she stormed out of the flat leaving me fuming. That was yesterday. Today she’s been sullen and not very talkative and I’ve tried to be nice. She also thinks that now I’m moving to London I won’t make time for her, and to be honest I think that not spending much time together might turn out to be a good thing because she really needs to get her head around the fact that we are well and truly over, and obviously seeing me isn’t helping that along any. So yes, while she’s been an absolute godsend in the packing up sense, the emotional side hasn’t been so good.

I was doing really well at saying goodbye to everyone, keeping very cheery and maintaining the “we’ll definitely keep in touch” thing, and it didn’t really phase me until I was sitting in my friend Simon’s garden this afternoon with a cup of tea. He was saying how much he’d miss me, and it suddenly hit me that I’m leaving tomorrow, and I’m not taking all of my lovely friends with me. And so I started to cry. Then he started getting tearful, and we ended up sitting on the grass and holding each other very tightly and I sniffled in to his shoulder while he tried to mutter words of reassurance. I can’t believe it’s actually happening now. It’s hard to imagine not coming home to this flat again, not seeing the people I love so much on a regular basis. I’m moving to a very big city and I only know a handful of people at the most, I’m starting a new job, I’m living with complete strangers and to be quite honest I’m starting to feel very, very nervous about the whole thing. Deep down I know I’ll be fine, but I also know that it’ll take me a while to adjust. And I’m very aware of the fact that I don’t want to lean on XDL too much for support because she’ll probably end up reading more in to it and that’ll start getting even more messy than it already is. So, if there are any warm and friendly sociable people reading this, preferably female, who live in London and who want to befriend an initially very shy, rather scared but very friendly gay girl in her early twenties, just shout!

So I’m going to make my last post from Sheffield, and I’m also changing the title of the blog as you may notice. This evening we’re going out to eat, and then going to the pub with my flatmate and the people from upstairs for my final fairwell drink. Then it’s all systems go in a transet van down the M1. Fingers crossed we A don’t break down, B don’t get lost, or C my separated parents don’t end up killing each other on the way. So long Sheffield, hello London!

3 comments:

Rosie said...

Good luck love. Will be thinking of you and miss you lots. Rosie xxx

Kris said...

New blog name....Cool!
Wow, you're just moving right along now. It's amazing, from here, that it's time to go already. Back when you said that it wouldn't be until around this time, it seemed like forever. And that was what, 10 days ago or so?

Hey! I looked up Sheffield and London (images/photos). I took a virtual tour. I saw the most awesome bridges and buildings and tunnels and water and trees and...just beauty. I took notes and thought I'd go around town here and take some pictures of OUR old buildings and "cool" bridges, etc etc. so that I could SHOW you the STARK difference in our worlds. And I do mean STARK! But...

Well, I can't wait for you to get settled in and tell us all about it! It's so exciting!

Be careful this week. Good luck. Can't wait for you to get back!

Kris said...

Are you on your way back to London from Manchester yet?!!