Wednesday, January 03, 2007

New year, fresh start

Let me start by wishing all of you a very happy new year, I hope 2007 brings happiness for you all!

My first post of the new year is sadly going to be a short one, simply because I am too tired to write at length. I did want to fill you in on the basics though...
New year's eve was lovely, I welcomed the new year in with some of my closest friends and a good time was had by all. On new year's day I went over to DL's parents' for a roast dinner, and to stay the night as we were driving back to Sheffield yesterday. When we got up in the morning DL was extremely upset at the thought of going back and having to move out, so we spent some time discussing her options. The decision was eventually made that she wouldn't remain in sheffield, but quit her job and move back to live with her parents in London, mainly because of her emotional state at present. So DL and her mum drove me back home and took some of DL's things, and left. It was a lot more emotional than I thought it would be, when it was time for her to go I was choking back the tears and when she said goodbye we were both crying. On the positive side of things I have managed to find a suitable flatmate who I will refer to from now on as A. She came round last night to view the flat and said she'd like to move in straight away, and that the end of January, which was when DL said she'd be out by was too far away. I'm not going to go in to detail, but this caused quite a lot of unpleasantness between DL and I, because I wanted her to come get her stuff as soon as and sign over the tennancy agreement, otherwise I would be left with no flatmate and would have been up shit's creek. Eventually after a lot of fighting and tears etc she agreed to come this Friday with a van and move all her things out, so that A can move in on Monday. All day today my mum has been here helping me reorganise the flat so that I have all my stuff in one bedroom alone, so that it's fine for A to move her things in, and again this has caused ructions because I moved some of DL's things. She wanted us to do it together, but to be perfectly honest, it's just far too painful and I want it over and done with so that we can both move on. It mmay sound heartless, but today has been horendous, trying to separate our things, and that's without her even being here. I just couldn't have faced it. So all she has to do on Friday is check I've gathered everything of hers together and load up the van, rather than spending all day going through the entire flat. Maybe I should have waited for her, but I feel that up until now I couldn't have been any more curteous than I have been: I moved out for a month, I put up with snide comments from her family, a lot of emotional grief from DL herself, and it just has to stop. As soon as Friday has been and gone, I'll be able to start rebuilding my life, without her as my partner, I think I've waited long enough in limbo. I can't explain how emotionally drained I am, it'll be an absolute miricle if I don't fuck up my degree because of all this, I don't know how I'm supposed to write constructive essays when my entire being is one big mass of pain. I do know though, that in time it'll ease, and the only way I can start to heel is when I've put some distance between DL and everything that is hers.

So, here's to a fresh start...!


Dora said...


I hope that having space and time will help you heal. Would be nice to meet up with you and your new housemate when you feel up to it.

Hang in there hun, look after yourself.


Anonymous said...

Hang in there! It sounds like the worst is over and you have a new year to look forward to! Take care of yourself most importantly!

doctorlucy said...

I know your heart lady! I know an awful ot of things... trust me, I'm a scientist :).