Friday, October 26, 2007

Discontent

I feel out of sorts today. I have lots to do and can't settle on anything. It's not the first time I've found myself feeling like this over the past few weeks, restless, unsettled and sad about something I can't really put my finger on. I'm fine when I'm busy, but when I'm alone with my thoughts I just get overwhelmed with being inside my own head. All I seem to be doing at the moment is reading, and although that's obviously due to my passion for books, it's also a form of escapism that I find myself longing for. I guess the way I'm feeling is due to a number of things, being out of a job and all that that affects, my social status, lack of routine and depleting finances. The worry of that and not really being able to share it with some one close. Having to depend on myself alone for support. Added to not really feeling connected to anyone at the moment is all making me feel off centre. I just feel like I'm going through the motions of day to day life, rarely feeling overly happy or excited about much these days. I'm generally an optimistic person, the glass is always half full, so I suspect this mood will pass sooner rather than later, but right now it's an effort just to get up in the morning because I feel like I don't really have much to get up for. Pathetic I know because I'm living where I've always wanted too, in my own flat with potentially a great future ahead, career wise, socially and romantically if I were to meet the right person. There's just something niggling away in my head, and I feel kind of empty. I've found myself waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and having to force myself to go back to sleep after lying awake for what is sometimes hours. I've become terrified of the prospect of spending any length of time by myself because it gives me too much time to think, and I'm absolutely dreading the onset of christmas.
Just needed to get that off my chest really, I'll be fine. :)

1 comment:

Sean said...

Just the time of year, maybe? I think the whole October-December period is generally a pretty depressing one for many people. Especially since the days are getting really short and gloomy now.

I'm sure you must feel pretty aimless without a job at the moment, but if you stay optimistic and keep your eyes open, I'm sure you'll find something. You're clearly smart enough - I think there are just periods where good work appears to be damn near non-existent. ESPECIALLY when you come out of a degree, if what I'm told is true - virtually everyone faces a bit of a lag period.

I think going out and meeting people as much as you do rather than staying in mooching helps a lot as regards staying happy. So you're on the right track!

As for the loneliness issue, I know I'm totally missing the point here, but I'm always at the other end if you want to talk at any time. Even if I can't seem to remember who I've given my landline no. to (I think it's all my years catching up with me - not only is my memory bad, for instance, but I'm also worried my hair's thinning at the back. Combover time!) And hey, you're always welcome here - I'll probably be missing company come Christmas.