Monday, November 27, 2006

Dinner, drunkenness and disappointment.

Gosh I have quite a lot to write about and didn’t really want to put it all in to one post, but I haven’t had time to write over the weekend…

On Thursday night I went to the flat to have dinner with DL. I don’t really know what to say, other than it didn’t go very well. Within minutes we were fighting, she said I was obviously moving on nicely because I was cold and hard, I said she was wallowing a little in her own self pity, and I nearly ended up leaving before we’d eaten. But she called me back and apologised and we ate dinner, but the atmosphere was difficult, because apart from the relationship it’s hard to talk about other things in a normal way. I’m sure things will get better over time, but we both agreed it was far too soon to try and be ok around each other, when the hurt is still so prevalent. So she drove me home at around eleven thirty and walked away without saying much, and I went to bed feeling like utter shit and like I’d taken three steps forward and two steps back mentally.

Friday was better, woke up feeling more positive again and determined to not let it affect all the mental resolve I’ve built up over this past week. I was supposed to spend the whole of Friday essay writing, instead I ended up procrastinating and didn’t get much done at all. Made a lovely pasta meal with S for dinner, we spent ages preparing vegetables and meat together and chatting constantly which was really nice, then I spent most of the evening either chatting on the phone or online, so didn’t get much done then either.

This weekend DL’s cousin, A was around for the weekend and he’d particularly insisted that the three of us go shopping together. I wasn’t sure after Thursday night whether to go or not, but I asked DL not to mention the relationship while we were out and to try and be as positive and cheerful as she could, and she agreed so I went along with them. It was a nice day actually, I bought some new make-up, a dressie top, some new underwear and a pair of jeans, so didn’t do badly at all. In the evening a group of us from my department went out, and I got absolutely plastered. It was rediculous actually I should never have had so much to drink and I should have eaten more during the daytime to soak it up, but the people I was out with drink heavily anyway, so I guess I just lost count in the end. We drank at F’s house before going on to the club and I was more than a little tipsy before we even left the house. On the way to the club we stopped at an ATM to get cash. There was a huge queue of people and it was taking ages, but everyone was laughing and joking and singing xmas carols to pass the time, until it got to mine and F’s turn. All the people in front had gone, and a couple of girls walked up behind us and started really throwing abuse at us for taking so long. I mildly turned around and asked them to be patient, it was the machine that was being slow not us, and one of them said something like, ‘F**k off you stupid B**ch, if you don’’t get a move on you’ll get my high heel around your f**king head.” I just got on with getting cash, but was riled at the way she’d unnecessarily spoken to me, so as we were walking away I muttered something about her shoving her high heel up her arse. Anyway she heard me, took her shoe off, ran after me and absolutely smacked me around the back of the head with it. Not wanting to start a fight I told F to keep walking and that I was ok, but it really shocked and appalled me that some one would do something like that. She could have easily knocked me out or cut me or worse! Luckily it hadn’t broken the skin, and I just woke up yesterday with a pounding, very sore head. Don’t really remember much about the rest of the night, just that we carried on drinking and dancing, and then later got a cab. F’s friend stayed in it with me after the rest of them got out, but the cab driver dropped us on the road next to S’s house, a road I’ve never even heard of, and because I was absolutely pissed and could hardly walk and I was frightened and thought we were lost, I ended up calling DL to come with the car to find me. She did, and we went back to S’s to get Una, as apparently I insisted that I wanted to be taken back to the flat, and S and DL got in to an argument because S was saying she didn’t think DL should take me there when I was in such a state, and that it was my decision. I don’t remember any of this at all, apparently I was crying though. I don’t think I’ve ever been so drunk in my entire life. I ended up puking in the toilet, being driven to the flat, helped in by DL and cousin, and then apparently I just passed out on the bed. I really feel awful about calling DL, it can’t have been an easy thing for her to do, and I appreciate that she looked after me more than anything. It was stupid to get that wasted, and believe me I more than paid for it yesterday, when I did actually have to write my essay.

Got up this morning to find an email saying the uni magazine wouldn’t accept my short story submission this time, that it needed editing first. They did write useful points as to how I could rework it a little, but I’m still disappointed. I guess it reflects how close I was to the character I was writing about, maybe I’ll come back to it in a couple of months when things have calmed down and see what I can do with it then. Tonight I’m going to a lecture about the state of poverty in Africa, and then I’ll have to come back and do more work.

I will be honest and say that I have considered starting my blog somewhere else, because I know DL reads it, and not that I’ve got anything to hide, but I am being careful of what I write because I don’t want to add to her pain. But I know she’ll do her best to find it anyway, so I’ve decided to stick with this one and write as honestly, but as sensitively as I can. For those of you who haven’t started a blog, the main point is to not tell everyone you know you have one, because then they read it, and sometimes that’s not such a good thing.


Anonymous said...

Hon, sometimes we all need a night of craziness and getting pissed drunk. I proved it myself last Saturday. And, it's ok that you called DL - you were scared and something could have happened to you (maybe that evil woman with the shoe could have come back) - what's important is that you're safe, no worse for the wear and the only thing suffered is a little pride.
I hear ya on the blog thing. I let just a few of my friends read it but that's it.
Take care of yourself!

Sean said...

Hope that cow's heel split and she had to walk around all night with one shoe on. What a mindless bitch. Kudos to you for not whacking her teeth out, though.

What did you submit to the uni magazine? You must've told me, but thicko that I am, I've forgotten. They can be pretty damn petty about the things they ask you to edit (and from experience, they don't actually justify their pointers all too well either), so don't be disappointed. We all know you rock as a writer.

As Trinity says, we all need to get proper slaughtered some times. Don't feel stupid for doing it once in a long time! Speaking of which, we really need to do something more exciting than eating Interval potato wedges (awesome though they are) this week - are you free on Thursday or Friday night (preferably Thursday - I have work ridiculously early ... okay, 10.30 ... on Saturday)? I really need a good night out (then again, if you're sick of my stupid face, don't hesitate to decline, heh).