Still here.

I’m still here, I just keep meaning to blog and never get round to it.

Last weekend was kind of an up and down weekend of sorts. While we were supposed to be getting ready to go out clubbing, DL and I somehow ended up having this huge in depth discussion, that I really don’t have the energy to even begin to explain right now. The basics were that I confessed that while she was away I didn’t really miss her, and was glad of the time apart, and that I wasn’t sure I feel about her the way you should feel about your partner. I don’t know whether it’s just a settling down contentment I feel, we’ve been together for two years after all, or whether I’m just happy with the life/house/car/domesticity we have, rather than the relationship itself. We both got quite upset, and DL asked if I wanted a break. I said that I didn’t, and even if I did it would be almost impossible as we live in the same house. We chatted about lots of things, and decided to see how it goes. This week has been great, although we’ve not seen as much of each other as usual as we’ve both been busy. For now we’re trying not to put too many demands on one another, just enjoying each day at a time. The last thing I want is to leave her, I just feel like some one has put my emotions on ice, and I don’t really feel much of anything at the moment. I still haven’t cried properly since I returned from Africa, and I’m just sort of going along day to day just getting on with things, I feel like I need something to make me snap out of the numbness I seem to have gotten myself in too.

Apart from that, my mother’s been to stay, and we’ve also been looking after Albert for the week, which we won’t be doing again in a hurry. To be honest he’s been a pain in the arse, growling at Una if she gets too close, lying in her bed, which means she has nowhere to lie because his bed is too small for her, and generally competing for attention. He also goes mad when I take Una out and leave him behind, barking and standing by the door, which he’s always done, but it makes it hard to get her out without him sneaking through too. I think my dad’ll have to find another dog sitter if he goes away for long periods of time in future. Una’s also cut her foot quite badly on a walk today and it keeps bleeding, but because the vets are closed at this time I’ve just bandaged it up, and if it’s no better by tomorrow I’ll take her then. I also joined the local LGB choir this week, and was very nervous about going, but it was fantastic and I’ll definitely be a regular member there. I’ve also started on protein shakes to help shed the pounds, I haven’t put on any weight in the past few months, but can’t seem to get down past a certain weight, so I’m hoping these will give me a kick start.

This weekend it’s DL’s birthday. Tomorrow night we plan to go out just the two of us, as she has VIP entry in to a local gay club, then on Saturday her mum is coming up, as well as Baby G, and a group of us are going out for cocktails and tapas. Then on Sunday I’m taking her for a picnic in the park if the weather’s nice, and then I’ll cook a romantic meal in the evening. Hopefully that’ll all make her feel special and a bit more loved, she’s still convinced I’m going to end things. I’ve also gotten her a great present, well if it was for me I would love it anyway, and I think she will too. The weekend after that her cousin is coming, and the one after that it’s our two year anniversary. We’re also going to the York Lesbian Arts Festival at the end of October, to see Christina Aguilera in concert in November, and to see Pink in December, so lots to look forward too. We’re also hoping to meet up with Deadly Female and Saphirine for dinner next week before she whizzes back off to the US.
Now I’m going to go and call Hai Man, who apparently isn’t enjoying herself in Belgium to find out what’s going on, and then we’ll settle down for another instalment of The L-word.

Afterthought: I’m stealing an idea from Creepy Lesbo, and leaving my msn details here, so feel free to add me for a chat. It’ll be interesting to see how many or what kinds of people read my blog.

MSN: hayley0810@hotmail.co.uk