Thursday, September 07, 2006


I’m feeling annoyed! That’s the only word I can think of to describe the niggling in my head. It began last night for no proper reason at all really, DL and I had returned home after going for a meal with a lesbian group we’ve discovered, which went really well considering we were both slightly terrified about walking in to a restaurant and sitting down at a table of people we’d never met before. I was reading more of Tipping the Velvet to her as we lay together in bed, and after a while I heard her breathing change. I asked her if she was asleep and she murmured that she’d been dozing. That’s when it started, I just wanted to say, “If you’ve been dozing and not paying attention for however long why didn’t you stop me?” I’ve no idea why I was so vexed, she’d been up since six and was bound to be tired by ten, it was quite irrational but I couldn’t stop myself from sounding pissed off. So I put the book down and went to fetch one I’d been reading alone, the new Sarah Waters novel The Night Watch. So I started reading that to let DL sleep, and then she started talking to me, so I kept stopping and starting reading in order to talk to her, and after about half an hour she asked if I was horny. When I replied a little, she tried to turn me on, but that made me even more annoyed because I knew she was only doing it to please me, and that really she wanted to go to sleep, not make love, and I didn’t want it to be like that, so after asking her to stop repeatedly I finally snapped at her and pushed her away. She didn’t understand why I was so pissed off, and to be honest I wasn’t really in the mood to explain. I just told her to go to sleep, and we fell in to angry silence and ended up going to sleep upset with each other for really stupid reasons.

I think it was more my fault than hers, because I feel the same this morning. I’m not annoyed at her anymore, when she got up for work I made an effort to wake up and gave her a cuddle and apologised before she left. But now I’m pissed off with everything else. Mainly the flat. Since having the dog, it’s not been properly clean, and I’m getting so frustrated with it. As soon as I’ve hoovered there are dog hairs on the floor. The rug in the living room and the bedroom carpets, both being thick, have hairs stuck in them, and I really have to go at them to even get the surface ones off. The dog’s hair is very short with her being a labradoor, so they’re the type that get stuck and won’t come out, like pine needles off a Christmas tree. And it’s driving me mad! I just want clean floors and carpets, and it seems to be impossible unless I spend at least an hour working on the carpets every day. I know it’s not the dog’s fault, and that’s a small negative in comparison to the positive aspects of having her, but right now I just feel like I want to go away somewhere while some one scrubs the place with bleach from top to bottom and have it stay like that for a few days at least. The thought has crossed my mind of having some one come in once a week to really go over the carpets and do the hair that I’ve missed, but we can’t realistically afford that. Oh and on top of that my dad’s coming today with Beby Hound to see how the two dogs get along, as we’re looking after BH in a couple of weeks when dad goes on holiday, so that’ll be twice the amount of cleaning!

Ignore me, I know I’m just moaning for nothing, I just needed a place to vent. I think the reason for my hypersensitivity is that I’m due on my period any day now, so that kind of justifies why I feel like stabbing someone! And if my dad dares pass comment on how the place is looking, he might be the one that gets it!

1 comment:

Hai-Man said...

Aww Hayley mui! Don't be annoyed, I'm feeling annoyed today aswell. *hmpf*

It's never right for us is it?

And I'm still very grateful for you listening to me warble on at 3am in the morning!

Things are much better at home now, my parents seem calmer and they can talk about me and Jason calmly. I hope everything will be fine. At least I have a year abroad to solve things.

Take care and don't stress too much!

Hai-Man ah ga jeh! xxx