Home is where I lay my hat

I’m not going to go in to the details of the stressfulness of what it’s like looking for somewhere to live in the capital, but it is surficed to say that this last couple of weeks have been one of the most stressful times of my life. I’ve been to view properties where people outrightly false advertise, I’ve been turned down countless times because I have the dog, I’ve searched and searched until last weekend I was contemplating having to move back up north because I was going to become homeless if I stayed here. Thankfully due to the wonderful strength of my friends and the support they gave me I managed to stick with it, and on the last day I had to look for places I got a studio flat in west London which I’m moving in to to tomorrow. I can’t tell you how relieved I am, plus utterly exhausted, as I’ve been working, on a training course for a few days, plus had an interview for another job in the meantime. So I’m off to bed and will write more as soon as I have the net up and running at the new place, just wanted to stick my head around the door to let you know I’m still here and doing ok. And hugs to everyone up north, I miss you and love you all very much, and I’ll be popping up very soon for a night out and hugs!

Sounding off

Forgive this post, it’s more for my own peace of mind than anything else, and I’m hoping that writing it will help me lay the situation to rest a little.

Apparently some of the things I’ve said in my blog have offended BB. Some of these things I totally didn’t mean to come across as offensive, like calling the stuff with her ex, “her shit”, and others were written because they were how I felt at the time. Anyway, my writing and her reading has resulted in her being very angry and upset and now she isn’t talking to me. I think one thing I’m beginning to realise since starting a blog is that sometimes things come across in a way I don’t want them too when I write them down, and I forget that those who read don’t actually see the whole picture, only what I choose to share on here. I think that sometimes I come across as a bit of a bitch when totally not meaning too, and I’m not bitchy in the slightest, hopefully those who see me in my everyday life can testify to that. But this situation with BB has really bothered me and still is because it isn’t resolved, so here’s what I think of it.

I met BB within a few days of us exchanging messages. When we spoke on the phone I immediately knew there was a connection there because like I said before I could have spoken to her all night. She wanted to meet the very next day and because I took a real liking to her I agreed and we went on a date, and the rest is history. But in the few weeks I’ve known her I’ve felt such a tumult of emotions it’s affected me in a big way. The first night we spent together was totally amazing as we all know and it completely blew me away. It wasn’t just about the sex, it was the chemistry, the emotional intensity I felt, basically she made me feel loved even though we weren’t in love and that was something very special that I don’t find with many people at all. So after that she was on my mind a hell of a lot, and we spent the next few days exchanging texts and emails and I got butterflies every time I heard from her. I was aware that there was stuff going on with her ex, they were trying to sort out either a friendship or getting back together, one or the other, and I was prepared for that. But during that week BB called me and said they’d had a huge fight and that they weren’t getting back together and that she felt relieved. I did warn her she’d probably feel totally different the next day because I’d been through the same situation with DL and know full well how hard it is to break up when you love some one so much. The next time I saw BB she came over for dinner, and again I was aware that she had counceling with her ex the day after. I honestly think we shouldn’t have met up that day because it did affect everything, plus I was extra emotional being on my period. Anyway it all kind of fell apart, BB got upset and so did I, mainly because I knew her mind was somewhere else while she was with me. Anyway she ended up leaving and I felt totally shitty and sat and cried for ages after she went home and that feeling lasted all the next day. I got a text from her in the morning asking me to give her another chance, saying that she was sorry she upset me and to please let her see me again. At that point I really wasn’t sure I wanted to see her again, because I knew that what she was feeling about her ex was effecting everything she was doing. But there was something about her that got under my skin and in spite of myself I found myself texting her saying let’s just put it behind us and start again. That weekend we were texting and I didn’t stop thinking about her throughout, and I suggested having coffee on Sunday afternoon. She said that was fine, that she really wanted to see me and to give her a couple of hours to get stuff done. So I didn’t plan anything for that day and pottered around the house waiting for her to text. The afternoon drew on and I began to get the feeling she wasn’t going to, and I started getting more and more pissed off. It wasn’t so much the fact that we weren’t meeting, just that she kept me hanging all day only to tell me at around four pm that she didn’t want to meet afterall. We were supposed to be meeting the following Monday evening to go to a concert together, and while I was at work I again got a message from her saying she wasn’t in the mood to go. So I asked if she wanted to do something else, i.e. are we still meeting up, and she didn’t really sound bothered which again offended me, but again I knew she wasn’t feeling great because of the whole ex issue. I should also mention she is trying to get pregnant and is having fertility treatment which isn’t going to plan, so all this was playing on her mind and so I was trying to make allowances. Baring in mind I’m not the kind of person who lets herself get fucked around by anyone, and if it had been anyone else I’d have broken contact after she made me feel shitty that second night. But there was something about her that I couldn’t leave alone. So that Monday night I went over and we talked, and decided to keep it at friends and to have casual fun when we felt like it, which I was fine with. The next couple of days I got really nice texts from her, like I mentioned in my last post she said I was amazing etc, plus she was taking the time to look for property for me which to me showed that she was thinking of me and that she cared what happened to me. Then on the Thursday I suggested we have some fun and didn’t get a response. I know now that the whole thing was bad timing, her head is fucked in terms of her previous relationship and she needs time to work out what she wants. I just let my feelings for her get in the way and yes I did feel disappointed when she cancelled, or didn’t respond when I suggested meeting up, even if only to say no.

So now she’s not talking to me, and she hasn’t even given me a proper chance to explain how I feel. I know she’s not really in the mood to hear anything I’ve got to say because of her own situation, but I know she thinks I was just paying lip service to the problems she’s having in order to get what I wanted, and that really wasn’t the case. The truth of the matter is that this woman has gotten under my skin no matter how much I didn’t want it to happen. I don’t know what it is about her that bugs me, but there’s something, and I basically tried to explain this when we were emailing the other day and she just waved it away because she’s so angry. When I write it all down here the whole thing just seems ridiculous. I’ve only known her a couple of weeks and it’s been a complete rollercoaster with more drops than highs, but I can’t stop her appearing in my thoughts, and I can’t stop wishing she’d text or call so we could sort this whole stupid mess out. I just want that connection back, I want her to be how she was when we first met, I want to feel that thing that was between us, that firey passion that made me give everything up to her that night, the tenderness she showed towards me and the care in the way she handled me. I know that’s not going to happen because of her relationship situation, but I at least wish she’d talk to me so that I could explain that I’m not a horrible selfish person who only thinks about getting what she wants, and I wasn’t being intentionally horrible and that all I want is for us to get on and spend some time together even if just as friends. I sound so silly, I know I do, she’s just really got to me and I feel like I can’t lay it to rest while she’s reading me in totally the wrong way. Maybe she needs to go away and heel herself before she’s ready to hear what I have to say, or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be at all, who knows. I just wish I could put it out of my mind, it just frustrates me that we’ve gotten off on such a bad footing when I personally think we could be good together, even if it just ends up being friendship. It makes me sad that I could give some one such a bad impression when most of how she perceives me isn’t at all the person I am, and it’s also ironic that something that was meant to be casual has got me feeling this way, and some one who I’ve only recently met and don’t even know properly has the ability to make me feel incredible or totally awful. I very strongly believe that every person we meet comes in to our lives for a reason, I wish I could work out why she’s come in to mine, and why I can’t put her out of my head.

Some Good News

While at work today I received some fairly good news. The place I’m working for want to extend my contract for another month. It’s doing something different to what I was originally there for, and it’s only part time, being half days, which is also reflected in the salary, but the good thing is it’ll at least pay rent on a new place to live and having the afternoons off will mean I can job hunt properly, or look for houses if I’m in temporary accommodation. So that cheered me up somewhat, I’m in work until the end of September at least. Feel slightly pissed at myself because last night BB and I were texting quite a bit and it was good to hear from her and just talk about ordinary stuff. At one point she said she’d been telling her best friend how amazing I was, which made me smile, but then I sent her a text today being cheeky and saying I was in the mood for some fun, any chance of getting any, anytime soon. The response I got back was very non committal, and teasingly I replied back that I could always get some one else to fill her spot. She didn’t respond to this at all and I sort of feel mad for putting myself out there again only to be waved away like some annoying child. God I don’t even know why I’m talking about it… On the up side though I’ve been chatting a lot lately with some one I’ve known for about a year now. We’ve never actually met in person, firstly started talking through blogging, then progressed to the phone. Now she lives about an hour away and there’s definite talk of us meeting up soon. Over time we’ve become really good friends, and on top of that we have amazing phone fun, but we stopped talking for a while because I was going through loads of shit with DL and it was effecting how I felt towards her. But we’ve recently reconnected and are becoming close again which is lovely, and I’m curious to see how we’d get on in person. She’s very hesitant about meeting, probably because she’s older and wiser than myself and is therefore being over cautious. Sometimes I get frustrated by this and she knows that, I’ve never been the most patient of people, but when I get settled in my new place she says she’ll come and visit. At the moment I’m enjoying getting both affectionate and smutty texts from her, phone calls that last for hours when I intend them to be minutes, plus she always makes me giggle, and has a way of boosting my mood if I’m feeling crap. At the moment we’re good friends more than anything, but it’s certainly nice to get some attention and to know some one is thinking of me in kind of a romantic way. God what’s wrong with me at the moment? I think the ice may be starting to melt… Anyway I’m waffling, mainly because I don’t have much to do this evening, and I’m trying to distract myself from having yet another session with my new toy that I bought on Saturday, it’s fab! This weekend my mother is coming to visit, which will be… nice, lol. God knows what I’m going to do with her though. And my God I need to get laid, I have to find myself a regular playmate, this is ridiculous!
Sorry that post was mainly random thoughts, it just works out that way sometimes.

Better Days

The three main things that hold life together for me are all going topsy turvey right now. Firstly I still haven’t found a place to live. Was supposed to be going to view a house tonight and when I spoke to the woman living there she sounded lovely and was actually quite flirtatious on the phone. Then she called me today saying that some one had already been to view and had taken the room. If she’d told me others were already going to see it I would have gone last night, but she implied otherwise and declined to say that I had competition, silly me I should have known better, it is London after all. So that put a dampener on my day and I don’t have any other prospective properties to look at either. Two and a half weeks and counting down until I have to vacate my friend’s living room…

The second life change is my job of course, and I’ve been so busy looking for houses I’ve only applied for one job which I don’t think I’ll get. Anyway it’s a viscious circle because even if I do land a job I need somewhere to live, so the housing situation has to come first. I know I can support myself for a few months if I’m without work, but it’s still highly stressful as most land lord’s want working professionals to rent their rooms so they have some security that the rent will get paid. I would pay it of course even if I wasn’t working but how are they to know that I’m reliable when it comes to finances?

The third major balls up is my love life. Things have totally gone off the boil with BB, I don’t really want to talk much about it, but let’s just say her ex is still very much on her mind and it’s making things very complicated. We hooked up last week and she was supposed to stay over, but because she had other stuff on her mind we didn’t really connect and she ended up leaving and I went to bed feeling awful. We’ve spoken since and I’ve made the decision to basically back off and try not to contact her unless she says she wants to meet up. She needs to sort her shit out before she can even think about being with anyone else, casually or otherwise I think. So what I was hoping was going to be a hot as hell, can’t get enough of fucking and spending time with each other situation, based on what it was like the first time has gone ice cold. Shame because there could have been potential there, but I do know how she’s feeling because I was in no position really to think about anyone else when I’d just broken up with DL. Maybe given time she’ll realise what she’s missing, who knows.

So today I’m feeling fed up, stressed out, and to be honest, rather lonely. It’s times like this I do miss having some one to share things with, and I know I’d feel so much better with a little TLC. See, I might be all yeah women this and women that, casual no strings fucks and miss independent, but I do have a softer, more vulnerable side, it’s just afraid to show itself when I know I’ve only got me to rely on. It’s coming out today though. I just want some one to cook me some dinner, run me a hot bath, then take me to bed and release all the tension that’s built up in my body by making love to me tenderly, then hold me and tell me that it’s all going to be fine, and that I’ll find a house and a job and some security sometime soon. Instead I’m going to go and make a sandwich because I can’t be arsed to cook, have a shower and go to bed and cuddle the dog and mope and feel sorry for myself. Life could be better.

Less is more

Do you know, I’ve felt myself changing quite a lot over the past few months, I don’t quite know how to explain it, it’s just that something in me has shifted, and although I had a zest for life before, it’s so much stronger now. I literally never stop, from when I get out of bed at seven in the morning until I collapse in to it at midnight if I’m lucky. I used to love curling up to read for hours, now I find myself getting easily distracted because I want to be on the go all the time, and when I do sit down for a period of time I usually fall asleep because I’m tired. Not sure if it’s healthy though because I rarely feel relaxed these days. Saturday was a complete and utter blurr really, I spent most of the day falling asleep and felt really bad because DL had come over to see me. I think she was mystified as to why I was so tired bless her, but I did wake up enough to cook dinner and then turf her out to sleep some more. We have actually had a discussion lately and we’re not going to see each other quite so much anymore, because to put it plainly she’s still in love, and I no longer feel that way for her. Plus I think being around me is making her view her counceling in totally the wrong way, that is she’s doing it in the hope that she’ll change in to a person I’ll fall back in love with. I know I’m being quite matter of fact, but to be honest it’s been over nine months now since the split, and enough is enough. No more emotional blackmail and feeling like if I distance myself from her she’ll do something stupid, it’s time for her to take responsibility for her actions, and me for mine and we both have to accept the fact that maybe we can’t really have a proper friendship yet, or maybe even ever unless we both properly move on. The other day she sent me flowers at work in the hope to cheer me up as I was pissed off, but it made me so mad, I actually thought, “why the hell are you of all people sending me flowers?” Maybe that’s a bit extreme but I just feel like a lot of the things she does are bids to try and pull at my heart strings, and while she can be sweet and send flowers and do things for me, she couldn’t let my graduation go by without causing a scene and making me cry, and it’s those things that matter to me and all the flowers in the world won’t change my memory of that day now. Anyway enough of that, onwards and upwards…

I had a meeting with my manager on Monday about the job offers, and I’m going to apply for a couple and see what I get. Maybe nothing will come of it, but all I can do is try I guess. I am slightly panicking about my living situation because I really do have to be out by the end of August and still haven’t found anything, so I could potentially be jobless and homeless by the end of the month. I’m trying to stay positive though, something will come up I’m sure. Work has been quite fun this week, it’s going surprisingly quickly and I’ve been busy until today. I’m sort of finishing the project I’m doing now and starting something new tomorrow so at the moment I’m at a bit of a loose end, and I figured that typing away furiously makes it look like I’m busier than if I sit playing with two five pence coins and dancing in my seat to my ipod, even if I am blogging. Last night I went to a new lesbian group in town and it was rather fun if a little tame. Tonight I’m going to the usual Wednesday group and tomorrow night I really have to spend surfing the net for properties. BB and I have also been keeping in touch since the weekend and I think we’re going to meet up on Friday, we need to discuss boundaries if we’re going to do the whole sub/dom thing, what is and isn’t acceptable that kind of thing. I really like her actually, she’s very sweet and thoughtful and obviously totally does it for me sexually so hopefully we’ll get on well as friends and playmates. This weekend I’m going to Brighton pride, woo! Ladies ladies and more ladies, not that I’m obsessed or anything haha. God I do love being single though, so many opportunities!

Suppose I’d better go and find something constructive to do, will write again soon. And to my real life friends who read this, I will send you emails soon, I promise, I know I’ve been crap at keeping in touch lately, still love ya though!

The Morning After

I don't think I've ever really been lost for words until now, but I am on this occasion...

I got in from work at about five thirty and started getting ready to go out. I had a long hot bath with a coco butter bath bomb from Lush, shaved, moisturised and blow dried my hair. After consulting my flatmate I decided to wear a black top that shows off my figure with faded jeans and boots, so I dressed, did my make up and ordered a cab. BB, as I will call her here arrived a little early and so I was anxious not to keep her waiting, and also very nervous about meeting up and wanting to make the right impression. I should add that the reason we got talking in the first place was that I posted an add on a site looking for some casual fun and friendship with the right woman, and she responded. It turns out she's in a similar situation to myself, just out of a long term relationship with an ex still very much on the scene, and she was interested in meeting up to see if there was any chemistry between us. So we met and I liked her instantly. We hugged when I got out of the cab and then walked a little way to a fairly quiet bar where we sat and had drinks and chatted. After a while we decided to go and eat so that the alcohol wouldn't take over, and we went to a lovely restaurant and shared a platter of gorgeous food and chatted some more. You know when you meet some one and you feel like you could chat to them all night? Well that's how it was, certainly for me anyway. It had been that way on the phone but was even stronger in person, and after heading back to the origional bar we were in for a while we debated what to do because it was getting late but neither of us wanted to part company. My house being closer we decided to head there for coffee, and BB met my flatmate and we all sat around and talked for a while. I did want to throttle him at one point when we were talking about how nice the area is and he said something like, "well when you leave in the morning you'll see how good it is." I was slightly horrified and very embarrassed and I think she was too, the bloody bastard, fancy saying that! I told him not to assume things and to shut up.

Anyway O went to bed and we moved in to my bedroom/livingroom and put on some music and cuddled up together on the sofa. She asked me lots about my blindness among other things, how it affects my life, how I do certain things and so on and I tried to answer as best I could, being constantly distracted by the way she ran her fingers over my skin and lightly kissed my face, and the cent of her perfume and how strikingly beautiful she was. Anyway as you can imagine after a while we stopped talking and started kissing, and I was left breathless by the way she handled me. We'd briefly spoken about sex on the phone and I was impressed at the time that she seemed to know exactly what I liked, and in person it was so intense I can't even describe it. I think I could have orgasmed even if she hadn't fucked me. After a while we slowed down and I was quite honest with her, saying that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, because I felt like we should wait until next time, the whole not getting down on the first date thing heavily on my mind, and yet I wanted her so much. She was very understanding, although secretly I think she knew I would eventually give in because after the things she did to my body, any resolve i had flew out the window.

She touched me in ways I've never been touched, especially by some one I've only just met. She practically read my mind and totally listened to my body, explored deep and dark parts of my sexuality that I'd barely scratched the surface of until now. She fucked me endlessly and still I craved it, she hurt me so good and so caringly that the intensity of it made me weak. She held me so tenderly that I wanted to melt, and she awoke the sub in me that I didn't totally realise was there until now. I gave myself up to her, let her have what she wanted, put my trust in her and I don't think I've ever felt so respected and cared for by some one who I'm seeing casually. She was dominant and I allowered her to take full control and I will willingly become her slave if that's the reward I get for being a good girl.

This morning I am bitten and bruised, scratched and sore, and while I sit and think over the night's events while I let my body become tranquil again, I know that she has awoken something in me that won't be quieted for very long. If I do see her again, which I hope I do, I will be her sub, and she my dominant black buty.

bored at work

I'm so bored at work that I'm writing a blog post ready to publish when I get home as I can’t access it from here. It’s been kind of a strange
and hectic week this week, and in some ways I don’t know where it’s gone in terms of my evenings, whereas work has dragged.

On Monday night Baby G came over for dinner. I went to get her from the tube station in the pouring rain with the dog being a bitch because she didn’t want
to go out in the wet. I made a spicey vegetable rice which I don’t think Baby G was too keen on, but then she does only eat pizza and beans on toast, oh
and currey with crisps in it haha. I bet she reads that and has something to say… Anyway we had a lovely evening, it was good just to catch up and I tried
to make her feel better about her dissertation, poor thing. On Tuesday I didn’t have anything planned for the evening, and was going to have a quiet night
at home, but got dragged out with work to a civil partnership reception, where I proceeded to get absolutely fucking wasted along with everyone else. It
was totally accidental, and I haven’t been that drunk in a while. One of the conversations interestingly though that a few of us had was about how many
gay people there are in our office. There’s a team of about 40 here, and we know of at least seven who are gay, and those are the ones who are out. I barely
remember getting home, don’t remember anything after that, apparently I drunkenly called my friends and stumbled around the flat for a while lol. Had a
fab time though and the woman in the office who got married and her girlfriend, or wife as she now is make a lovely couple. I also have to say that I think
it’s absolutely wonderful that so many people from work went to the reception without batting an eyelid. Times are really moving forward for us.

On Wednesday I had the hang over from hell and practically crawled in to work with my head up my own arse and spent most of the day feeling terrible. Went
to group in the evening which was good and I found out about another social group that happens on a Tuesday which I think I’ll go along too hopefully next
week.

This brings me on to yesterday now. Nothing really to mention about work apart from that I was manicly busy all day, but I did spend a lot of last night chatting
to a woman I started talking too online. We ended up speaking on the phone for a while and we’re meeting up for a drink tonight, and I have to admit I’m
rather excited. She sounds lovely, very sexy and intelligent so hopefully we’ll get on well when we meet. I’ve been fairly tired all day because I didn’t
get to sleep until late last night as we continued texting each other after we got off the phone supposedly to go to bed, and I have to say she's equally as flirtatious as I am and I wavoured between being very turned on and very tired for a while before finally going to sleep. We've also been emailing each other today, she's a little minx. so I’m going to go home and freshen up before going out again. Tomorrow I’m off to blue water to do some shopping and
then to a friend’s bbq in the evening, and Sunday I have the day to myself. Woops I just accidently kicked the dog who is lying under my desk, poor love.
She doesn’t seem that bothered though lol. I suppose I’d better make it look like I’m doing something constructive, I’m still waiting around for a meeting with my manager that should have been at
ten and that still hasn’t happened yet, and it’s almost three PM. Two hours to go until I can go home and start getting ready for tonight.

The Graduate

On Wednesday of last week I made the decision to stop thinking with my pussy and use my head for a change, and so I actually declined the offer of sex that evening by texting HBS in the morning saying that I couldn’t meet her after all. I did this because I don’t really like the situation, and it’s my fault, because I knew she was just experimenting from the beginning, but she really is very straight acting and I get the feeling that sleeping with me is kind of a game to her, and I’m not in to that. She has no idea how to treat a woman, no idea how to seduce or how to act afterwards, and the last time she came over she left me feeling rather strange and displeased. It’s not really any fault on her part, she’s just fundamentally heterosexual and that’s the way it is. This being proved by the fact that after I texted her she spent a little while texting me telling me about a guy she’d met up with the day before and how wonderful he was and how she’d loved “making out” with him. My point proven I think.

So instead of getting laid I went home to O’s house to have dinner with him and his friend A, who is rather sexy herself, and spent the evening perving, flirting, eating fantastic food and getting passively stoned from their smoking, and finished it off by having a fantastic orgasm while having phone sex with a friend. Much better I think.

Thursday was hectic, was up at six thirty, at the office by 8, on the way to Swindon by 9 where I spent the day with work, then headed straight back to London in the evening where I just made it in time to get the train with DL to Sheffield. Actually it was a bit of a nightmare because there were two trains on platforms next to each other, one going to Sheffield and the other going somewhere else, and we ended up getting on the wrong one because we were rushing and so had to get off at Leicester and wait for another one. We eventually arrived at the hotel at just after eleven in the evening and fell in to bed after grabbing a snack. Up at 8 the next day all excited and nervous about my graduation, and by ten the family had arrived and I was on my way to have my robes fitted. I have to say it was much more exciting than I thought it was going to be, it felt really good wearing the cap and gown and having everyone their to see me graduate. Photos to come, I promise, when I get the time to put them up online. The only bad part of the day was when DL got in to a strop because she wanted some photos taken by the professional photographer, and she and the family were disputing because each package cost a different price and she wanted one thing while everyone else wanted something else, and it all got a bit heated. It ended up with her causing a bit of a scene in front of everyone and my mother losing her temper with her and saying she thought DL had better leave. At this point I burst in to tears because they were both fighting with each other over some stupid photos that didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things, and DL disappeared in shame while my family tried to console me. It was a bit of a nightmare, but it all got sorted out and DL apologised and the photos got sorted, it just put a bit of a blemish on what was otherwise a perfect celebration. In the evening we met up with some friends of mine in the pub for a drink, and afterwards they went on to a club while we headed back to the hotel because I was shattered. My friend Sean won two prises, one for the best undergraduate dissertation and the other for the best mark in film, and I was really proud of him and expect to see him go on to become a professor in the next few years.

So yesterday we were up and out of the hotel and on a train back to London by the early afternoon, and last night I went to the theatre with Baby G to see an audio described performance of “Mother of a Brown Boy” performed by Chicken Shed theatre company in north London. We’d gotten free tickets because they wanted feedback on the audio description, and it was a really great performance all in all. We spent the evening with a woman we know from the Beeb and her girlfriend, and I got a little tipsy on vodka and coke and got home at around half past midnight. Today I’ve been being a total slob, haven’t even got dressed yet. I’ve been lounging around house hunting on the net, finishing off a Karin Slaughter novel and doing washing and it’s been blissful just to have some time to myself around the house. This evening I’m going to make pasta with fresh prawns in a sauce of olive oil, garlic and chilli and whatever else I can find to throw in the pot, and settle down to begin reading Snow flower and the Secret fan by Lisa Sea, which I’ve finally managed to get hold of as an audio book. Tomorrow night Baby G is coming over for dinner, Tuesday I have a singing lesson and on Wednesday it’s the discussion group, so that’s how my week’s looking so far. Oh and there’s work of course, and I forgot to mention that I’m going to apply for a full time position there at the end of my placement, so fingers crossed I get that because I’ll get a rather hefty pay rise.

* * *

Tried to post this earlier but blogger wouldn't load. The prawn pasta was yummie, and I don't know for how much longer I'll stop thinking with my pussy, because I've been uber horny today and have spent the past hour looking on various sites for women who want no strings fun. Well I can't help it, ikt's biological I tell you. I'm off for a bath and a play with the shower head.

Too busy living life to write about it

I haven’t really been in the mood to blog just lately, mainly because I seem to be on the go from the minute I wake up until I fall in to bed, usually with far too few hours to sleep until I have to get up again. Life in London is most certainly hectic, and I have to say I love every minute of it. Work is going really well, I’ve been really busy over the past week and am steadily getting to know my team better as time passes. I don’t much like the travelling in on the tube, I arrive at work looking flushed and sweating because we’re all packed in like sardines on the trains, but everyone’s the same really. I spent almost every night last week going to view houses, none of which were suitable for one reason or another, and my saving grace came in my friend O who insisted I not stay in that awful house any longer and move in to his flat, which I did on Sunday. I have to say he is an absolute godsend, he’s been such a lovely friend in my hour of need, I really do think I’d have gone crazy if I’d had to stay there any longer.

So I left work on Friday night planning to go for drinks with a friend of mine and his girlfriend. Unfortunately the traffic was worse than usual and it took me just under two hellish hours to get home in a cab, making me late to meet them. So I rushed around getting changed and headed straight out again, and we had a lovely evening catching up over dinner and drinks. Saturday I started packing as much as I could, and then in the evening I went out for drinks with a woman I met at the Wednesday group, so I’ll call her Group Girl. I met Group Girl and her friend in Soho and we went to The Edge bar and stood outside with drinks until it started raining, then headed to Rush which I absolutely love because it has bean bags downstairs and so you can just lounge around on the floor and it’s really chilled. Then we moved on to GAY which none of us particularly liked because it’s too cheesy by far, and then ended up in Trash Palace and stayed there until it was time to get home. I have to say I also have a new crush, but I’m not telling you whether it’s Group girl or her friend.  Anyway we headed to Leicester Square tube just when a fight was breaking out in the station, in time to find out that the Piccadilly line was down so no tubes home for me. I was very drunk by this point and so jumped in a cab and called O, woke him up, the poor thing and asked to stay at his place because it was closer. He was looking after the dog for the evening anyway, and I arrived on his doorstep with him in his dressing gown calling me a bastard, and the dog running around very pleased to see me and me wobbling drunkenly up the stairs. A good night all round then lol.

Sunday O and I just lounged around for most of the day and went to the supermarket, then DL came over in the evening to help me move some of my stuff in the car. We didn’t get all of it, and to be honest I was absolutely pissed off at my now ex housemates attitude. One stayed in his room and smoked weed which is nothing knew, and the other was too busy slobbering over the new German guy that had moved in to give a shit about what we were doing. I wouldn’t have minded, only they had used my crockery and cutlery, and it was everywhere and non of it was clean, and they didn’t seem arsed when some pieces from the very expensive set that DL and I bought couldn’t be found anywhere. I told them in no uncertain terms to find everything before I came back to get the rest of my stuff, whether it had any effect is anybody’s guess.

I left the house feeling quite stressed about it all, but soon relaxed when we arrived at O’s and unpacked my stuff. My room is what was his living room, and I have my TV and stereo and everything here, and I can get a wireless internet signal from some one else’s house, so I feel quite at home. He also has a lovely kitchen, so last night I cooked chicken stir fry with rice and bean sprouts for DL and I and then had a relaxing bath before going to bed. I can’t tell you how much more relaxed I feel just being here, the dog absolutely loves it because there’s plenty of space to run around, plus a garden, and the tube is two minutes away so no buses. I know it’s only temporary, but for now it feels like heaven.

So here’s how the rest of the week looks… Tomorrow night O’s friend A is coming over for dinner, plus I’m having another singing lesson. Wednesday I’m meeting HBS after work, she texted me yesterday hinting very strongly at another meet. Thursday I have to go out of town for work, then straight up to Sheffield that evening with DL in time for my graduation on Friday. Staying in Sheffield until Saturday to catch up with friends, then heading back on Saturday night to go to the theatre. Baby G and I have been given free tickets to an audio described performance on the condition that we write a review for the theatre company, so that’s all good. In between all that I have to look for houses, god knows when.

I know I'm open minded, but even I have limits!

I've been living here for five weeks now and I've been steadily growing more unhappy with every passing day. There are a number of things very wrong with the house I'm living in, but I thought I could just about handle it, until this weekend. Saturday night I got in and walked up the stairs to my room. I was going to call out and say that I was home, when i heard groans coming from the boys room so decided against it. Sunday morning I was woken up by very loud noises. It turns out the guys had decided to advertise on the net for people to come join them, and an all male orgie was taking place in the next bedroom. That's when I decided to move out. Having strange men walking through my house, using the bathroom, smoking weed and fucking each other all day long is both unacceptable and extremely offensive to me. I spent most of yesterday at O's house, not knowing what the fuck to do, and today I've been back on the net house hunting. It's not just the incessant sex parties that are the problem, it's the lack of space, the broken freezer that they haven't replaced meaning it's difficult to cook, the dirty plates all over the kitchen, the grotty bathroom, my tiny tiny bedroom, their constant smoking of weed in the house, I just can't take it anymore. I told them tonight that I was moving out as soon as possible, and to be honest, I don't give a fuck whether they like it or not. I'm not an unreasonable kind of person, but this has pushed me to the limit and I either need to move out soon or I'll seriously flip my lid and have some kind of emotional breakdown, lol. Anyone got a spare room?