Office Xmas Party

Ug! I feel like death! It was the xmas party of the company I used to work for last night and I got an invite so went along. I have to say I haven't been that wasted in a while but I was one of about 400 people who were all hammered so at least I wasn't the only one. The party was held at a beautiful stately home type place that has been converted for public use in Belgravia and the theme was Las Vegas. I wore a black dress which was long and low cut with kitten heels, my hair down and my set of rose quartz jewelery. I think I've lost some weight recently and felt really good last night and I was really excited about seeing all my coleagues again because they are lovely people. I don't think I did anything too embarrassing, I didn't grope the boss or end up shagging some one I worked with or anything like that, but I did fall over quite spectacularly on the dance floor. I was dancing with one of the gay guys who happened to be wearing a kilt and I guess I must have tried to wrap my legs around his waste or something, because one minute we were dancing, the next minute I was flat on my back on the floor with him on top of me, his kilt up around his arse and people lifting him off me and helping me up. It was actually quite hilarious, he was obviously too pissed to hold my weight so we'd just hit the floor instead. I'm amazed my back is ok today though.

H and S were also there, the married lesbian couple I made friends with through work and they were trying to set me up with some random gay girl who apparently works there but who I' had never seen before. I don't think she was particularly interested though because after dancing together for a while she wondered off and later I saw her in the loos having a rather passionate snog with some other woman, which was fine with me because I just wanted to dance and wasn't interested in getting laid. At the end of the night we were all trying to get cabs and they were few and far between, so I ended up sitting on the pavement, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and then when the cab droppped Caroline and me off near my house she tripped over and went sprawling and I went down with her, ending up on my back for the second time that night. I vaguely remember making us cups of tea when we got in and somehow managed to take the dog out for a wee and then we must have just collapsed in to bed because the next thing I remember is waking up at around six this morning in my underwear dying of thurst with Caroline flat out beside me.

Apart from the fact that I'm paying for getting totally wasted today it was a fantastic night. It was a free bar so I hardly spent any money, I got to catch up with everyone again, I danced my arse off and had a really good giggle and then spent this morning drinking tea, eating toast and reliving the night's events with Caroline. I'm supposed to be meeting Naughty Angel tonight and possibly some other people for a night out, I think I might suggest going for a civilised meal or something because I don't think I could drink again. Spanish Girl has been making noises about wanting to come over tomorrow so maybe I'll see her once more before christmas and that'll be it. She's going back to Spain in the new year for a while so it'll probably fizzle out naturally then anyway. I'm off to have a nice long bath with a bath bomb from Lush and try and get back to feeling human again.

Je vais a Paris!

I have spendtmost of the afternoon on the phone to friends in Sheffield, my friend Simon in Paris, and Eurostar, trying to get a trip to go and see him sorted out. I mentioned that I wanted to go a while back but that the tickets were too expensive, but we've managed to get really cheap ones going in January. So three of us, Frankie, Helen and I are all going to Paris for the weekend to visit Simon and I booked the tickets a few minutes ago. I'm very excited, I haven't been there since I was a child and it'll be lovely to have a sort of girlie weekend away with friends to blast away any new year blues.

In other news this week my sex drive seems to have gone through the roof. How high can it get you might be thinking, but remember when I had that week of not masturbating at all? Well I've definitely been making up for it this week, my BOF's haven't had so much atention in a while. On a mental score I'm feeling really great at the moment as well, and although I do hope DL is doing ok I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I am no longer being made to feel guilty for living my life without her.

Yesterday I was in the office all day doing my charity stuff and then Baby G and CC came over for dinner in the evening. Today I haven't done much at all and I'm having a night in front of the TV tonight saving my pennies and avoiding the rain that has been pouring continuously for what feels like weeks now. Tomorrow Mr C is coming over for another jamming session and that reminds me I need to learn a song in preparation so I'll be doing that tonight as well. On Monday my mother is visiting for a few days and then I have two christmas parties to go to at the end of the week. I can't believe it's nearly christmas, time to definitely do some shopping and I need to book my train tickets to go and see my parents as well. I plan to leave London on the 23rd and return on the 28th in time for new year celebrations. Right now though my dinner is cooking, it's nice and warm and I'm going to curl up with a book in a bit and have an evening to myself.

The Spirit of Christmas

Firstly, I want to thank you for the comments, emails and phone calls I have received. I'm not going to get all soppy and emotional but I am very much aware of how lucky I am to be surrounded by such an amazing network of friends, and family too although hopefully my family aren't reading this. DL called me yesterday and I was silly enough to pick up the phone. She was hysterical and I ended the call very quickly and she hasn't tried to contact me since. I'm hoping in the nicest possible way that she'll go away quietly and deal with her feelings with her family for support and not behave irrationally towards me, something which I am slightly concerned about at the moment and I know others are too. But I'm doing ok, I spent today with Baby G at her house having a much needed catch up session and some relaxation time and I had a good long chat with my parents on the phone tonight and I'm actually quite looking forward to christmas now. I'm going back up north to see my family and I think I'll be spending christmas day with my mum, ex step mum (they are very good friends, don't ask, it's complicated) and my step sister which will be great. She's 12 now and I don't get to see her much because I live down here and obviously she's in school and is too young to come and visit on her own so it would be good to spend some time with her and find out about her latest crush, the bands she's in to who I've never heard of and how school is going. The last time I saw her she said to me,
"Amy and I aren't really friends anymore," Amy being her best friend.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Well we hang around in different crowds at school now, and well, I'm sort of gangster and she's not."
"Gangster!" I said, "What do you mean gangster?"
"You know!" She said looking exasperated and proceeded to try and tell me what "gangster" was and I was still none the wiser by the time she'd finished. The time before that when I saw her she described herself as, "Emo." I wonder what she'll be this time round?

So anyway on the christmas note I've told myself to stop being a miserable cow and to actually start getting in to the christmas spirit. I'm going to start my shopping and new year's eve should be really great because some friends down here want to get together, Sean is definitely coming to join us and Kim might also be coming down from Sheffield so the whole lot of us getting together will be fantastic whatever we decide to do on the night.

Last night I went to see Jill Scott in concert with Baby G and Rosey and she was absolutely fantastic. We all got the impression she's having a really hard time at the moment, she mentioned her divorce and she seemed really low in spirits, plus she mentioned repeatedly that she's not getting laid at the moment, I offered to give her a helping hand on that one but I was right at the back so I don't think she heard me. I'm also absolutely loving Alicia Keys' new album. I have to say it took me a while to get in to, but I think it's her best one so far.

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, my first in about four years in the morning and then in the evening the usual group of friends are going out for a meal to welcome Baby G's boyfriend, Will, back from the states where he has been for the past four months. I think it's about time I put the kettle on and climb in to my lovely bed to fall asleep listening to an audio book. Not quite sure what yet though, I've been reading Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson and Wire in the Blood by Val McDermid, two of my favourite authors, but I think I want something lighthearted tonight, so I'll go on the hunt for some trashy fiction, Jackie Collins or something like that.
Night night, and sorry for the randomness.
Oh, I should also add that all the stress of the past couple of days is making me really horny. I need to get Spanish Girl back over here to hit that spot she so expertly found on Saturday night. She wanted to meet up tomorrow but I couldn't and when I texted her saying so I didn't get a response. I get the feeling she's a woman who likes getting her own way and she doesn't like not being in control of a situation, but I've had quite enough of that for the time being so she'll either have to like it, or lump it.

Lost in Translation

Mr C and his girlfriend arrived dripping wet from the horrible down pour that lasted for hours just after 9. We ordered pizza, opened the wine and chatted. Just as the pizza arrived my mobile rang. I ignored it to collect the delivery and then went to look who it was that had called me. It was Spanish Girl, so thinking she had called to make arrangements for tomorrow I called her back.
"Hi," I said,
"Hi," she said, "I sorry I here, terrible rain, what your apartment number again?"
Mr C and girlfriend were happily tucking in to pizza blissfully unaware that my shag was downstairs, and in a panic I said something like, "Oh, urm, oh God, you're here? Shit!"
"You busy tonight?" she said.
"Yes, that's what I was trying to tell you earlier."
"Oh," she said, sounding like some one had smacked her in the face. "I go, I call again tomorrow."
Fuck fuck fuck! I thought as she hung up on me. This might just be a casual thing but I hate upsetting people and unintentionally hurting their feelings, and our earlier conversation had evidently been lost in translation. After a few minutes I called her back. My friends were telling me to invite her up, but I had the awful image of us all sitting eating dinner awkwardly, our evening's conversation stilted by a stranger they didn't know and for whom most of what we were saying would have been lost.
"Where are you?" I asked.
"In the car," she said, sounding very pissed off.
"I'm so so so sorry, I told you I couldn't meet tonight."
Then I lied, "I'm not even at home." At this she sounded better and I told her that some friends had wanted to see me who weren't in town very often, which wasn't strictly the truth, but wasn't a complete lie either as I was spending the evening with friends.
"I call tomorrow?" she said, and I told her to do so.
I'm not sure if she will though, that might have put an end to that.
Oh well, shit happens, and anyway I started to think after we spoke that even if she had thought I could have met her tonight, she was supposed to arrive at 8 and I was supposed to be cooking dinner, so showing up at ten without a call to say she was running late wouldn't have been acceptable anyway, so I don't feel so bad afterall.
Off to bed now as I'm pretty drunk so this post is probably full of typo's.
Women!

Sod's Law

Why is it that when you're really into some one they never seem to be bothered about you? And when some one is really interested in you you're not really feeling them too much? I think it's what they call, "Sod's Law", and it's definitely the case with me at the moment. When BB was around I was crazy about her, constantly thinking of her, texting her, calling, wanting to meet up and she wasn't too keen. Now the roles are reversed with Spanish Girl, she's texted me every day this week saying she's thinking of me and she's really looking forward to seeing me etc, and to be honest I could take it or leave it. I know that probably sounds horrible, but there really isn't anything else there for me apart from some good sex, that's it. She was supposed to be coming over tonight and I've been thinking about it for most of the day, kind of looking forward to the sex but not really wanting to have to cook and entertain her and struggle with the conversation because A we don't really know much about each others lives and B the language barrier gets in the way. So when Mr C's girlfriend called me a little while ago and asked if they could come over tonight, I felt annoyed that I'd arranged to see Spanish Girl. I texted her asking if we could meet tomorrow instead and she didn't seem to understand what I meant, so we then had a very difficult phone conversation where I tried to say, "today is difficult so I would prefer to see you tomorrow. But, if you can't meet up tomorrow then we can keep it at tonight." She didn't really understand what I was saying and just kept saying, "no today? No tomorrow?" In the end I said, "yes, not today, tomorrow," and she said that she would check what was going on with her family and get back to me. I'm usually very patient when it comes to her not understanding things, but I was starting to get exasperated on the phone and tried not to let my irritation show because it's really not her fault.
So now Mr C and his girlfriend are coming over tonight, and God knows if I'll see Spanish Girl tomorrow, but to be honest, I don't mind either way.

What else has happened this week... Had a fantastic night out on Wednesday when I saw
Frank Skinner
live on tour. I spent most of the night on the floor crying with laughter, his stand up is fantastic. I won't give too much away in case anyone is reading who is going to see him, but his discription of both giving and receiving oral sex had me doubled up, and his songs were great too.

Yesterday I was out all day at the charity I'm volunteering with at the moment. I don't know why but when I woke up yesterday I had the horn majorly but didn't have time to do anything about it, and so spent the entire day counting down the hours until I could go home and make myself come. It didn't help that
Naughty Angel
and I were discussing sex and sex toys for some of it, plus I got some exciting emails from websites I contacted in the hopes of doing some professional product reviews for them, so stay tuned to hear more about that in the coming weeks. So it was out of the office at five thirty, on a tube and home by 7, and a quick session with my BOF's before dragging myself out of sleepy post orgasm bliss to get dressed and head back out again. Last night I met up with an old school friend who I haven't seen for about 5 years. We always got on well at school and neither of us have changed much so we had a really good night. Had quite a lot to drink, got some food and chatted about old times, oh and perved at the bar maid in the pub we were in and agreed that she'd definitely get it from both of us. I may be femme but I can turn in to one of the guys when I'm around them, which is quite scary really because I'm dirty at the best of times.

So tomorrow I have no idea what's happening. If I don't see Spanish Girl I'm going to try and organise a night out with some of the girls and on Sunday I'm off to see Maroon 5 in concert with DL and Baby G. Monday Jill Scott is playing and I'm going to see her too and my friend Rosey is coming down from Sheffield to go to the gig with me and staying over until Tuesday which will be lovely.
Now I'm off to go and sort out the mountain of laundry I washed today and then have a bath before my friends arrive. Have a good weekend.

Upbeat

Burrr it's so cold! Yesterday I went out and bought a lovely thick cream coloured winter coat with flease lining and a big hud which I quickly wrapped around my ears while my teeth chattered. It's the kind of weather that makes you want to stay home with the curtains drawn and the heat turned up, wrapped in a blanket with the dog curled up next to you snoring away while the rain drums on the roof and it grows dark outside. I've not been doing much of that though over the past few days, I've seen quite a lot of DL and it's actually been really lovely. She came to commedy on Wednesday, and then on Thursday she came to my place after work and I made dinner, and then yesterday we spent the day shopping and went out for dinner last night to my favourite Thai restaurant. We've been managing to have quite good conversations about things and she knows that I'm seeing some one casually although she knows nothing about her, and she's going to start looking for a new place to live so that she can move out of her mum's in the new year. I also had a catch up phone conversation with my friend Sean on Thursday night and he made me really belly laugh when he did a very good impression of Borat, and told me about his gay crush. My comment in response to his embarrassment was,
"Everyone wants to get shagged up the arse at some point in their life whether they're male or female, gay or straight,"
to which he cracked up and said he was going to put it on his facebook page as one of his favourite quotes. He also said, "I really miss you. I can't talk about sex with anyone else," which was a complement, I think, and apparently he gets wine served in some of his evening lectures as part of his MA course which I thought was fantastic.

Tonight, well in about an hour actually I'm heading in to town to go for a meal and then to Soho with the girls for a birthday party, and tomorrow I have a fun packed day. In the morning I'm going to
Erotica 2007
with some friends and in the evening I'm meeting the girls from work to go to the pub. I'll try and write again tomorrow to let you know what I bought, no doubt I won't be able to resist walking past all the stalls selling sex toys without buying a little something to keep me tick tick tickking!

On the up

I've chosen this title to what will be a very short post because, fingers crossed, it looks as though things are on the up.
The first good thing that happened this week was that I received a call from the graduate scheme I went for the assessment centre with last week and I'm through and on to the scheme and will start work in the new year. Woo! Finally! So this means I can relax for a little while and not have the stress of applying for jobs etc and now make the most of the time I have left not working and look forward to starting a new job.

The second good thing is that I have been having and will hopefully continue to have extremely good sex right now. The Spanish Girl came over on Tuesday and is supposed to be coming over sometime this weekend for some more fun and believe me, it is lots of fun. I've been masturbating to the image of me riding her while she's wearing the strap on, something which we did last Friday, all week long and I want a repeat performance. Something else which has fueled my solo orgasms are a couple I've made friends with. I'll call them the femme couple as I met them at the femmes meet I went to, and we've been in touch ever since and they came to the commedy night yesterday evening. I have to say they are probably the hottest couple I've ever met, and they're both really flirtatious which really doesn't help. We were exchanging stories about what is in our respective toy boxes and when they were talking about the strap on they'd just bought the thought of them fucking stayed in my head for the rest of the night. They're supposed to be coming over for dinner soon, I wonder if they'd be up for a threesome. One is English, tall and blonde and the other is an Arab and is shorter and very feisty. They're both gorgeous women and I'd love to get stuck in the middle heehee.

The final thing I want to mention is a blog some one gave me the link too. The blog in itself is great but the pod casts are something else. I'll add her to my blog roll but in the meantime you can check her out
here

Happy Thanks Giving to those of you in the US.

Great Weekend!

This weekend has been one of the best I’ve had for a while. Friday night was obviously great, and woke up on Saturday morning feeling slightly hung over and so didn’t really do a lot except sit around drinking tea and reading the new novel by Alice Sebold, which if you were thinking of getting it is very good indeed. In the evening Baby G and I were off to see Beverly Knite live at the Royal Albert Hall with two of our friends, one of whom cancelled in the afternoon because she was feeling ill. I have been slightly concerned as you know about my lack of sex drive lately, and even on Friday night it was more about her pleasure than mine. So on Saturday afternoon I put myself to bed with my toy box and refused to move until I’d given myself an orgasm. I think it’s done the trick, seems to have kick started my libido again thank god, I was starting to worry.

So in the evening I headed out in the freezing cold to go to the show. I have to say I’ve never really been in to Beverly Knite and I only went because Baby G had extra tickets, but I’m very glad I did. She’s one of these artists who sounds so much better live than she does in the studio, and her voice was outstanding. She did a set that lasted for almost two hours straight with hardly any breaks and her vocals were incredible. I’m going to get some of her stuff from Baby G to see if I can get in to her now that I’ve been to see her. After the show we went and got chips because we were all hungry and then Baby G came to stay at mine for the night. That in itself was lovely, when we used to live together we used to spend hours just lying in bed talking and listening to music and It’s something we’ve both missed. So last night was great, although we were both tired we still managed to have a chat before falling asleep. She’s like a sister to me and I’m so proud of what she’s accomplished. She’s just arrived back from New York after going to the women’s therapy centre to undergo treatment for vaginismus, a condition that she’s battled with for the past couple of years ever since she found out she had it. At one point she really thought she’d never be cured of it and that she would never be able to have sex with her boyfriend, but since going to the clinic in New York she has been treated and has now had sex and no longer has vaginismus. I know how hard it was for her to go through what she’s been through and the treatment was painful and emotionally draining. But she has done it and she’s like a different person, like she’s really come in to her own now that she feels in control of her own body. She bought us both toys back from the States, in celebration of vaginas which work, and I used mine this evening and it’s really good!

We didn’t wake up this morning until eleven thirty and had to get up and out in time to meet five friends in town for Mr C’s girlfriend’s birthday. So today was spent in the pub, most people getting slightly drunk and me trying to resist because I have a job interview tomorrow. I got tipsy but then stopped because the last thing I need tomorrow is a hang over so switched to soft drinks, and the roast dinner and chocolate fudge cake with ice cream helped soak up the alcohol. I was very amused when Mr C told me that when the cab arrived to pick him up from my house the other day the following conversation ensued:
Cab driver: “Is that your Mrs?”
Mr C: “No she’s just a friend.”
Cab Driver, “Are you sure?”
Mr C: “Yes, she’s on the other bus.”
Cab driver: “Really? Please tell me you’ve tried though, please!”
Mr C: “Yes I’ve tried, she’s definitely gay.”
Cab Driver: “does she use our cab service much?”
Mr C: “No not really.”
Cab driver, “Shit! I was hoping I would pick her up sometime. Does she have a woman then?”
Mr C: “She’s usually got a couple on the go at once I think.”
Men! That’s all I can say…

The conversation didn’t get much better in the pub today either, my friends are very very smutty:
Baby G to our friend Rids: “What do you want for Christmas then?”
Rids: “some anal sex!”
And at another point:
Me to Rids: “Oy you talk to me. I haven’t seen you for ages how are you?”
Rids: “Well you’re too far away over there, I can’t stick my fingers in you from here.”
Mr C’s girlfriend who was sitting next to me: “I’ll do it for you.”
Followed by much laughter from everyone.
Me: “Stop talking about my vagina!”
I love my friends!

Oh, and Spanish Girl texted me yesterday asking when we could meet up. I suggested Thursday. She said, “how about tomorrow, I can’t stop thinking about last night.” I told her I couldn’t because I had plans and she didn’t seem very happy, so I suggested we meet on Tuesday instead. God there’s no pleasing some people.

I got home from the pub just after 8 and have washed and dried my suit. It’s absolutely freezing outside and I called my cousin up north to wish her a happy birthday and she told me it’s been snowing there. Jesus, winter is finally here I think. Time to get out the winter duvet! Or find some one to share my bed with and snuggle up too on cold nights.

Disasterous evening!

Oh my fucking God, my worst nightmare just happened...

I went in to town this morning to meet my friend Col who I haven't seen in about three years. We were good friends when we were at college together but drifted apart when she got a boyfriend and hadn't really kept in touch. But recently through the wonders of facebook she had looked me up and we've been chatting. So today I went to meet her and it was actually great to catch up and see how she's doing. She's a diabetic and had gone in to renal faliure and has been on dialysis for some time now which was quite a shock. She's doing ok though and doesn't seem to be letting it stop her from doing much. We had lunch together and at about two I got a call from Cherry to ask what time she should come over. She mentioned that she was really hung over and hadn't gotten in until 6 this morning from a night out but said she was just getting up and we agreed she'd come over at around 7 or 8. I left Col at around three and on my way home I stopped at the supermarket to buy croissants, strawberries and some wine. I came home, cleaned the flat, put fresh sheets on the bed, put new batteries in the toys I thought we might use, showered and moisturised, put on sexy underwear and perfume and was just getting ready to start cooking dinner when the door bell rang. My God she's early, I thought, but excited all the same I ran to open the door. And you'll never believe who was there. The weird woman from downstairs. I couldn't believe it, my face must have been an absolute picture, and I was so shocked that before I knew what was happening she had pushed past me and was taking a tour of my flat. I stood in the living room, my hands on my hips, a look of complete bewilderment mixed with outrage on my face. When I didn't offer to make her a cup of tea she said, "have I called at a bad time?"
"Well actually yes you have," I said. "I'm having a friend round for dinner and she'll be here any minute."
"Oh," she said, and still didn't make any move to leave. She'd been talking about something or other for a couple of minutes when my mobile rang. This is where it gets worse because it was Cherry saying that she'd been throwing up all day and couldn't get out of bed, and could we reskedule for tomorrow. I felt kind of awful on the phone because although I was obviously gutted that she wasn't coming round, I was more mortified that the woman from downstairs could hear every word of my conversation, and I could almost feel the pleasure coming off her. When I ended the call she said, "Oh, is your friend not coming anymore?"
"No," I said through gritted teeth, and she sat down. So I had no choice other than to put the kettle on and make a cup of tea, to which she followed me in to the kitchen and told me exactly how she liked her tea, and because I didn't make it strong enough the first time around she would very much like a second cup. By this time I was beside myself. I just wanted her to leave and she wouldn't stop talking, and I was sitting on the floor chanting in my head, "please fuck off! Please fuck off!" Over and over again. She stayed for two whole excruciatingly long and painful hours. I've found out more than I needed to know about her personal life. Apparently she is not gay but has always been curious about lesbians, she is very highly sexed and likes men with big cocks, her current lover doesn't have enough staminer, she likes anal sex, she has slept with "many men", and she even started to hint at going on to the internet to look at porn on my lap top that was sitting on the table in front of her. Why oh why oh why do I always attract the weirdos? When she was leaving she asked for my number, and I gave it to her and took hers because at least then I thought, I can see when she's trying to call me. The problem with this building though is that if you knock on some one's door you can hear if they are in if they have music or the TV on which I usually do, so if she just decides to come calling like she did tonight, I'm fucked! On her departure she lingered in the door way, saying, "well, goodbye then," over and over, I think she wanted a hug or some kind of physical acknowledgement, but I just stood there willing her not to touch me and started to close the door. I had just called my mum to tell her what had happened when the doorbell rang again. With my heart pounding I stood stock still not even daring to breathe, holding the dog's collar trying to keep her from moving and making a noise, hoping that she would go away. When the bell rang again a few minutes later, I called out through the door and she said that she hadn't inputted my number correctly in to her phone. So I gave it to her through the door, and firmly said, "goodnight then," the door staying well and truly locked. I listened and heard her standing in the corridor for some time messing around with her phone, before she slowly moved off. What on earth am I going to do now? I have a fucking weird, lonely, very apparently psychologically unbalanced woman in my building who seems to have taken a liking to me.
And what is more, I am not getting laid tonight, and the food and the sexy underwear and crisp clean sheets are all untouched, and I am extremely pissed off!

Fun Fun Fun!

So, as you’ve probably gathered, I got some good loving on Tuesday night. It was actually very spontaneous, I had been discussing sex online with a friend and complaining that I wasn’t getting enough, when a girl I’d been talking to online asked if I was up for a casual meet that evening. I was a bit apprehensive as we’d only just started talking, but we were both looking for some fun so I thought why the hell not and invited her over. I spoke to her for a bit on the phone first and we seemed to get on well so she headed over at about seven. She’s very attractive, black, about five feet five with long hair and she’s very slim, and oh my god such a fine ass! So we chatted over a bottle of wine for a couple of hours, she’s very funny and upbeat and we’re in to the same type of music and chatted about our families and our time at uni. I was in the middle of saying something about a Jill Scott gig I’d been too when she just leaned forward and kissed me with the fullest, softest lips. Now I do like a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it, so of course I responded. After a while we broke apart and laughed and looked at each other, I think she must have thought she’d moved too soon and started to pull back, so I touched her arm and pulled her close again. Once she’d got the idea that I was interested she was as feisty as hell and before long we moved from the sofa to the bed and that’s where we stayed for the next couple of hours. I’m not going to go into too much detail but I will say that she’s not in the least inhibited, and among other things it’s finally so nice to meet a black woman who is in to women and who isn’t afraid of using her tongue in all the right places. Mmm! So anyway, Cherry as she will now be known (and no that’s not because I popped hers) wanted to stay for the night but had to go to work the next day. So she’s coming over tomorrow evening and staying until Sunday, she called me from work yesterday and sent me a rather filthy email. She lives just down the road, so if things continue to go well it appears that I’ll hopefully have a regular fuck buddy. Finally! It’s taken since months of living here god damn it! Lol!

In other news, I also got hit on yesterday by a woman who lives in my building and who is the type of lesbian that I would run a million miles from. I don’t mean to be rude, but she stood far too close and commented on my “perfect teeth,” my “large breasts”, my “lovely blue eyes”, all within the first ten minutes of talking to her. I mean it’s lovely to get complimented, but there’s nothing worse than getting bombarded with them by some one you’ve only just met and you absolutely would never ever even think of dating or doing anything remotely like that with. I told her my age in the hope that would put her off, and she made the kind of disappointed noise that suggested she’d been thinking about shagging me for the entire conversation and had then realised how big an age gap there was. Even so she asked if I was free for coffee at some point which I gave a very vague answer to and tried to make my escape. So I’m a bit edgy every time I go down to the lobby in case she’s there. Scary predatory dykes, haha. I wouldn’t mind if she’d been femme and lovely, we all know I’m not adversed to getting involved with older women but she really wasn’t my type.

Last night I went to Caroline’s with H and S for dinner and had a fabulous time. We had such a laugh, Caroline has always got a story to tell about something or other, and it’s all in the telling because we usually end up crying with laughter by the end of it. We were also highly amused by how Una and her Cat reacted to one another, a kind of nervous excitement in them both that had the potential to explode in to either chasing, or spitting and growling, or both. They were both really well behaved though and Caroline has offered to dog sit anytime I need some one. I had rather a lot of wine and then had to make my way home from the other side of London which took ages and finally collapsed in to bed at around one to have a session with my new toy from
Sh
which arrived yesterday. The combination of
this
and
this
Meant that I had such a powerful orgasm that I fell asleep immediately.

I don’t have a lot planned for tonight, tomorrow morning I’m meeting an old college friend in town who I haven’t seen in years so that should be interesting. Then in the evening Cherry is coming over and no doubt that’ll be the better part of Sunday taken care of. Sunday evening if I make it out of bed I’m heading in to town to have coffee with a newly discovered lesbian social group.
Fun Fun Fun!

Boo!

I have a cold!
I thought I was doing well this year, most of the people I know having had one at some point. And there I was thinking how good my immune system must be, until yesterday. I met Mr C and his girlfriend in the pub in the afternoon for food and drinks, and I noticed I started feeling a bit ropey after we headed back to mine, and this morning I feel worse. Kind of a bit fuzzy with a sore throat and sneezing. We spent almost the entire evening talking about sex last night. I don't quite kno why, but it just happened that way. I think I know more about their sex life now than I perhaps wanted too, the most amusing point is that Mr C has to stop for a rest half way through these days, heehee. I'm also leading in the slut stakes as he now has a steady girlfriend and I'm single, so I've overtaken him in the numbers of women bedded contest lol. Very childish, but highly amusing to see him looking quite concerned when I mentioned it yestterday. I also got rather concerned when he said he'd been watching a porn clip on the internet the other day and one of the women in it sounded a lot like me.
"You are joking," I said, thinking back to the home movies I'd made with DL in the past., and wondering if she'd started to hate me enough to put them on the net. So when we got back here I made him download the clip he'd seen just to check it wasn't me, which thankfully it wasn't. But then we ended up spending the rest of the evening watching lesbian porn and discussing the joys of anal sex and fisting. Hmmm.

So today I'm meeting my friend Caroline for coffee and cake and then tomorrow my busy week starts. I just hope I don't feel too ill to have to stay in bed and miss anything.

Paris

I'm going to Paris! My friend Simon, the one who moved there a few weeks ago just called and he wants me to go and stay for a few days. He's a male nanny out there which I think is hilarious! So I'm going to take the euro star in a couple of weekends time and go spend a few days. I haven't been to Paris since I was a child, and I'm so excited. It'll be a wonderful opurtunity to revamp my french, plus it's an amazing city in its own right. Simon has a room right in the centre which is apparently very tiny, and on a famous bulivard, the name of which escapes me now. So I have to find out how much the tickets will be, find some one to look after Una for me, and then I'm off!
Aaaah! i'm going to Paris I'm going to Paris I'm going to Paris!!!

My week up north and my week ahead

My week up north was lovely. I had time to relax, I got my hair newly cut and styled, went for a massage and had my eyebrows waxed. I bought some new clothes, went for dinner with friends, stayed with Kim for a couple of days and in the process of all that managed to send off a couple of job applications. I returned to London on Friday afternoon and only had a couple of hours to get ready to go out to meet H and S for S's 30th birthday drinks. I stayed over at their place that night as it was a long way to get back, and came home on Saturday morning. Had breakfast, a much needed orgasm and showered before again going out. This time I was going to meet some women from GB for dinner, most of whom I'd never met before. I waited outside Covent Garden station for 45 minutes not spotting anyone and convinced I'd got the time wrong or something. I was just about to leave and go home when one of the women called my mobile and we found each other. We went for dinner and drinks and I had a lovely time. I had the dog with me so didn't go clubbing but to be honest I was shattered from all the traveling I'd been doing and came home and slept like a log. Today I've not been doing much, just reading lots, watching some TV and later on Baby G is coming over to spend some time before she goes to New York later this week.

While I was at H and S's we watched a replay of Diary of a Call Girl, a docu-soap that's been on the tv, about the escapades of a call girl. In this episode she was being paid to attend an adult sex party with a client, and watching it made me really really nervous about the upcoming party on Saturday. I know it's only tv but it made me start to think about everything, and now I'm worrying about what to wear, whether I'll be confident enough to approach people or if I'll just go in to my shell because I'm so nervous. I worry that no one will find me attractive and I won't get any action, and about how I'll feel being semi nude or even naked in front of lots of other women who's bodies I'm sure will be much better than mine. I've been really good this week with food but don't seem to have lost any weight, I don't know what underwear to put on, whether to go with the smooth shaved look or whether having some hair is more preferable, god there's so much to consider! All of this is mingling with the excitement I feel about going. H and S are dog sitting for me which is great, and they're almost as excited as I am. As the time is getting closer the more I'm starting to feel aprehensive, although obviously it's a huge turn on that I'm actually doing it. The common comment among the friends that I've told seems to be "gosh I wish I had the balls to do something like that," and it's such a huge fantasy for me that it almost feels unreal that I'm actually going to go and take part in something like that. I just hope it works out in my favour!

Right now though the most exciting thing I'm doing today is reading Snowflower and the Secret Fan, which is actually great. Another book I would strongly recommend, one I've just finished, is A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hoseini. Any recommendations from my readers?

Home comforts

I’m sitting in the living room at my mother’s house. The TV is on, Una is curled up in front of the fire and mum’s cooking chicken stir fry in the kitchen which smells great. It’s been a rather emotional week all in all, what with worrying about DL and finishing my job. I don’t usually decide to come back and see the family in a great hurry, but all I could think about this morning was my mum’s nice warm house, some home cooking having the chance to offload some of my worries on to her and having her make me feel better. Ever since our trip to New York I’ve felt a lot closer to my mum, touch wood we haven’t fought so much and I’ve found myself calling her when I have a problem or just to laugh about some girl that’s pissed me off or some guy that’s messed her around. I’m feeling a bit flat at the moment to tell the truth, I no longer have a job although I’m applying for work obviously as I don’t want to be out of work if I can help it, and my love life isn’t exactly sizzling either. I did ask my crush if she wanted to have dinner, and she tactfully declined, so another one bites the dust disappointingly. I do know that I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people around me though, I’ve made some lovely friends through work and will definitely keep in touch with them.

On Thursday night I had my leaving drinks and everyone came and we all had a great time. They were all taking the piss because the single gay woman at work, the one who came on to me at the wedding did it again much to everybody’s amusement, and the drinks were lined up in front of me after which I wobbled home to bed, alone! Yesterday I went in to work and in the afternoon everyone crowded round my desk and I was given a beautiful bunch of flowers, some chocolates and a leaving card. Everyone hugged me and said how much Una and I would be missed, and I found myself starting to tear up and by the end of the day had a headache from saying goodbye to various different members of the team and trying to keep my tears under control. Last night Caroline and I went to H and her wife S’s for dinner. S cooked a lovely meal and after that we had pina coladas and squashed frogs, discussed who we’d shag in the office, bitched about some one none of us can stand at work, talked about how H and S met and their wedding, watched the wedding video, discussed the state of mine and Caroline’s love lives and I was finally driven home just after midnight to fall in to bed.

Interruption, the dog has just puked all over my mother’s rug, this is the second time today she’s been sick, she must have a stomach bug. Will have to take her to the vets on Monday.

So here I am up north, and it’s bloody freezing! When I boarded the train in London I was sweltering in my coat, so I took it off. As we got further north it got colder and colder and by the time I got here I had my coat back on and was shivering. So I’m going to spend the next few days catching up with family, and trying to put my step sister in her place as she’s apparently been being naughty in school. Then it’s off to Sheffield to see friends if some one will give me a bed. Just finished this post in time for dinner, or tea as we say up north!

Fun times

Christ, I haven’t stopped this week. On Monday I was overjoyed to see my friend Kim waiting for me at reception in the building where I work. I came through the door and there she was, and we had the longest hug ever and it was lovely to see her. We spent the whole afternoon together, chatting, eating great food and shopping. We went to a fab Italian restaurant in Soho, wondered around and bought make up, and then I insisted upon taking her to First Out for coffee and cake only to find it was closed. So we ended up at the coffee shop in Silver Moon bookshop, where hilariously while I was in the loo, a woman recognised Una and said to Kim, “Haven’t I seen her in First Out?” Kim replied, “Yes you probably have, her owner goes there a lot.” I love how the dog gets noticed but I don’t, haha. It’s because she’s so bloody gorgeous that’s why! Anyway we didn’t stop talking all afternoon, catching up on everything that’s been happening, baring in mind we hadn’t seen each other for three months which is the longest we’ve ever gone without meeting up. Anyway it was fab fab fab to see her and I was sad to leave her and miss her lots! That evening I made my way home and didn’t do a lot, just read a little and went to bed.

Tuesday I took Una to the vets after work and then went out in the evening to the usual Tuesday group meeting. We were small in numbers this week and so decided to go to a bar rather than stay in First Out, and I think everyone had a bit to drink. I also invited the girls to my house warming on Friday, one in particular I was hoping would come because I have a rather large crush on her and she’s very, very attractive and I would quite like to kiss her for hours, hold her hand while walking down the street, cook her some good food, take her to bed and stay awake all night touching and tasting every inch of her body and then hold her while she sleeps in my arms. Anyway that’s besides the point… I left the bar feeling exhausted and crawled in to bed at around midnight.

Wednesday I tried to stay awake at work and then went out again with the same group of girls, lucky me, to a different bar this time. This one was quieter and more chilled and after a couple of diet cokes I gave in and spent the rest of the evening drinking Bailies and trying not to make eyes at the hot hot one. Did I mention that I wanted to kiss her for hours, hold her hand………

Thursday didn’t go especially well. DL called me in the morning on her way to work and we had a huge fight. Basically her birthday is on Monday and she’d said she didn’t want to do anything at the weekend and that she was intending to work instead. She’d been insisting about this for weeks and weeks and I’d asked her if she was sure countless times. So I went ahead and made plans for this weekend, and on Wednesday she dropped into the conversation that we were apparently going for dinner on Saturday night. “No we’re not,” I said, “I’ve made plans because you said you didn’t want to do anything.” So then she flipped out and said that she obviously wasn’t important, blah blah blah, and gave me a huge guilt trip, and to be honest I was so angry because she can be so damn manipulative. Not wanting to do anything turned in to, “I wanted to spend the whole weekend with you,” and I ended up hanging up feeling pissed off and upset and running late for work. We’d planned to see each other that evening to go to the cinema to see Atonement, so we stuck to that and she resigned herself to the fact that because she hadn’t communicated her feelings properly she wasn’t going to get her way this time, it still didn’t stop her feeling sorry for herself though. Jesus Christ, sometimes she can be intolerable. Anyway we had a nice evening even though I was feeling emotional, the film was great, but it didn’t end too well. We were in the car on the way back to my place when I got a text from BB. I’ve basically decided to leave that situation alone because she couldn’t give me what I wanted and I didn’t think I could really be friends with her, and when she texted me all the emotions of the day I’d been holding in just came to the surface and I sat there with tears streaming down my face and staring out the window so that DL wouldn’t see me crying. Of course she picked up that there was something wrong and I said it was nothing, just that it was about some one I’d been sort of seeing. When we got back to my place she hugged me goodbye and that started me off again, and then she started crying and saying that she couldn’t handle me being with other women, that it cut her up and she didn’t know what to do. To be honest I think that we are going to have to have a break from the friendship for at least six months because although she tries to pretend she’s ok with everything, she’s really not, and it’s a year on and she’s still not even beginning to get over the relationship. I know it must sound cruel the fact that we still meet up and spend time together, but I really do think that the break has to be her idea. I’ve tried putting distance between us before with disastrous consequences, and I think the more I push her away the more she’ll keep coming back. So I want it to be her decision because then she’ll be in control of her feelings and maybe taking charge of things will help her get herself back on track. I hope so at least. Anyway after a long chat she left and I went to bed.

On Friday I woke up not feeling much better and went in to work feeling like shit. I sat there wanting to cry for most of the morning, god knows where all this is coming from, I must be due on my period because that’s the only reason I can account for feeling so fucking sensitive about everything. Anyway on Friday afternoon I had my flat to clean and prepare for the party, and the excitement of the night ahead cheered me up. It was a lovely evening, all my friends came and also some people from work, the girls from the gay group including the one I really, really fancy. I put on a bit of food and wore a skirt with a fairly low cut top and sandals, the chocolate fountain came out and the wine was flowing, so much so that towards the end of the night I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor, woops. Thankfully the crush had left by then so she didn’t see the inebriated me.

So yesterday I woke up not being able to lift my head off the pillow. It felt like a thousand led balls were rolling around in my brain, and after a cup of tea and some tablets I felt only slightly better. I finally got up and cleared away all the empty bottles to be recycled, and did the washing up and hoovered and mopped the floors. That afternoon my blogger friend F was arriving for the weekend so I wanted the place to look nice. Let me give you a brief history of me and F so that you’re up to speed.

We met through blogging just over a year and a half ago, she was living in another country and I was with DL. So we were friends for ages, and then a little while after I finished with DL we started to cross the line of intimacy on the phone. By this time she’d moved to the UK to study and we went on in this fashion for a bit. We stopped talking for a while because I felt she was getting a little intense and I was still quite cut up about the break up, so we sort of fell out and didn’t speak for a few months. When I moved to London I sent her an email saying I hoped that she was ok and that I thought of her, and she got back in touch and we’ve gradually built the friendship back up. She’s somewhat older than myself and we’re from completely different backgrounds and cultures, so it makes for an interesting friendship. We spend hours on the phone debating about all kinds of things, and we have regular and great phone sex. So anyway we’d been talking about meeting for a while now so that we could put faces to voices etc, and this weekend was the date we’d arranged. I was pretty nervous having shared things on the phone but never having met her before, and for the first couple of hours I was a bit quiet and giggly and she kept laughing and saying how nervous I looked. Anyway we ordered take out and chatted for a while and we were both quite tired so went to bed fairly early. We stayed awake and chatted for a while, and I was surprised at how shy and awkward I felt. I’d not backward in coming forward as we all know, but when she’d make a comment eluding to something sexual we’d talked about I’d go red and laugh nervously, even though I just wanted to be as open and forward as she was being inside. After a while of talking I turned on my side and she spooned me, cuddling in close. I think we were both thinking the same thing because after a while of being restrained her hand crept around my waste and the rest as they say, is history. Two orgasms later I was shattered and starting to fall asleep as she was talking to me. I remember muttering my apologies and saying that she’d knocked me out and then I was away with the faeries. We woke quite early this morning and I made tea and we lay in bed chatting for hours. Until I said, “I really want to play with your nipples,” and then it started all over again, the poor neighbours. Feeling satiated we eventually got out of bed at about three, showered and had some food. She left around five and texted a little later to say she’d had a wonderful time. I have to agree. So now I’m catching up with emails and obviously blogging and getting ready for my last week at work. Boohoo! Tomorrow is DL’s birthday so we’re going out for dinner, I hope it goes without incident.

Disappointing news, other people’s dogs, and bonding

Ok, let’s get the horrible part over with first. I didn’t get the job. And yes, I am very disappointed and am trying to look at it in a positive way in that something better is obviously out there waiting for me to snap it up. It’s not even so much not getting that particular job that bothers me because it wasn’t a really challenging role even. It’s the prospect of actually being out of work for any length of time,. Because too much of my own company sends me crazy, as does idleness and not stretching myself and so I am not looking forward to finishing my job in two weeks time and spending all my time on the net applying for jobs and graduate schemes. As far as the company I’m working for at the moment goes, the team I’m working with are great, but there is a lot of hidden burocracy and under cover agendas within the business, as well as the fact that some one I have to work closely with and who is higher up than me likes to play dirty and doubtless had a hand in the decision making about the job.

Anyway, enough of that, positivity is the way forward. I will get a job, I will get a job, I will get a job!!!

Wednesday evening was eventful, only in that DT was coming round for dinner on the Thursday and I’d decided to make curry. I knew I wouldn’t get in until later than usual because of the interview so I decided to make the currey the night before and keep it in the fridge so that all I’d have to do was to make the rice and heat everything through. So on Wednesday I tidied the flat, put my suit in the wash and set about cooking the currey. Everything was going fine until I left the currey on the hob and went to get my suit out of the machine, only to discover that something in there had fucking ripped all the lining in the jacket. I stood there having a minor panic attack and examining the damage, as well as checking the outside to see whether it was wearable. That was when the currey started to burn. Thankfully the suit was wearable, I’m just going to have to have the lining restitched, and I saved the currey which turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever made.

So DT arrived for dinner with lots of wine, and spent time having a good look around the flat while I finished the cooking. We also had a giggle about the dirty weekend she’s going away on, even though she tried to pretend it wasn’t a dirty weekend, and I told her about the party I’m going to in a few weeks, which she got very excited about. After dinner we spent a while examining outfits I’m thinking of wearing and deciding which would look more sexy and sophisticated, and discussing the DL situation, which in a nutshell is that we’re trying to be friends which is proving to be difficult because she’s still very much not over the break up. By the time she left we’d had rather a lot of wine and I was past being tipsy.

Friday I took the day off work and my friend R came down from Sheffield for the weekend. I was really looking forward to her visit but a little nervous as we’ve not really spent much time together outside a group setting apart from going for the odd drink before, and I wanted to make sure she had a good time. Anyway as I’m sure she’ll agree it was great, we talked for England, went for food on the Friday night with Baby G and another friend and got slightly tipsy, and on the Saturday we went to Hammersmith to do some shopping and ended up sitting outside a pub for three hours chatting a drinking pins. That evening we were both shattered so I cooked chilli and we hired a movie and had some wine. On Sunday we made lunch and took it and the dog to the Heath with DL, and although it was colder than the day before the sun managed to poke its head out of the clouds long enough for us to eat and then lie on the grass for a while while Una roamed around and fraternised with her fellow canines. She was a little apprehensive at first though because when we’d taken her to the park the day before, a man’s husky had gone for her and although it didn’t manage to bite her properly I think it scared Una and she stuck pretty close to me for a while. We dropped R back at the train station in the afternoon and I have to say it was a lovely weekend and I feel like I’ve gotten to know her lots better than I did. We’re very similar in many respects and she’s very easy company and a good conversationalist, plus she makes me laugh.

This afternoon my friend Kim is in town and we're having lunch and spending the afternoon together, and the rest of the week looks busy too. I'll write again at the weekend.

Going for it!

So here's the thing... I've had a couple of reacurring fantasies for a long time now. One is me and another woman fucking while being watched, by women of course. Another is being fucked by several different women at the same time. I tried to have a threesome when I was in colege but the mood wasn't right and it didn't feel too good so I stopped it as we were about to get in to it. It was with a woman I was seeing casually at the time and a friend of hers, and I just didn't find the friend attractive and she really wanted to play a lot with me and so it just didn't work. Ever since then I've had these fantasies, and they've fueled many an orgasm in the past. When DL and I were together and we would talk dirty in bed, the main thing that used to get me off was to imagine that there was some one watching us fucking and to have her join in part way through. The thought of it used to drive me mad, and I even did some scouting around on the net for a while looking for places we could go to meet people who wanted to swap partners. But although she said she would do it I didn't feel that she was totally in to it and so we never did anything about it.

Now, however, I am free and single, and when I got to london I found out about something that could potentially blow my mind if it turns out to be good. I'm not going to give the finer details of the events, but basically I saw an advert online for an all female sex party. Apparently they happen every couple of months and the last time it was taking place I really wanted to go but bottled it, then regretted not going straight away. Some one I know went and I spoke to her afterwards about what it was like and she said it was totally amazing, very classy and friendly and in a lovely location with sexy, attractive and friendly women, some of whom watched and others played at anything from masturbation to group sex. I was really pissed off that I didn't get to go and was mad at myself and swore the next time it came around I would go. So... I was online late last week and up popped the advert yet again. I knew what it would say and still I read it three times, and then sent an email to the organiser stating my interest. I got a lovely response back, and today we spoke on the phone to arrange the finer points of the night. All I have to do now is make the payment that is required to cover costs towards the hire of the location and everything that will be provided at the party. So I'm sitting here with the details, and I will make the payment tomorrow. I am both terrified and excited. I'm not intimidated by the fact that I could potentially end up having lots of fun with several different women all in one place, I find that part incredibly arousing. it's the going and not knowing anyone that I'm nervous about. I spoke to a friend of mine earlier today and she said she may be interested in coming too, and I'm kind of hoping she does because I think I'd feel a lot less nervous if I know some one else there. I am totally excited about the possibilities that I will be faced with, even if I just got to watch and didn't get any action it would be something I've never done before and which I know would completely turn me on. I won't be able to discuss what happens too much on here as there's obviously confidentiality issues, as a lot of the women who attend are proffessionals high up in their field and their privacy needs to be honoured and respected, but I just had to tell some one that I was going and how excited I am, and it's not exactly something you call your family or most of your friends about now is it? The only other thing I'm conscious about is my body, so I'm going on a strict diet for the next few weeks and even if I lose a couple of pounds it'll be something, and I'll hopefully feel good enough about my body to walk around at least semi nude, and won't be shy about getting naked with person or persons involved. This is the most daring thing I've ever done sexually and I'm hardly a virgin by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm utterly thrilled by the prospect.

In other news, had a fantastic few days catching up with friends. Thursday night I went to the relaunch of the Glass bar which was lovely, it was a warm evening and there were scores of women outside on the pavement drinking and talking, and music and more people inside. Although it's a very small venue and could do with a lot more work to get it looking ship shape, it's a fantastic women only space, the only one of its kind in London except for the Candy Bar and it was great to see so much support from the community. Didn't have too much of a late one as I had to be up for work on friday, and on Friday night DL came over and we watched Notes on a Scandal and got take out. Saturday my friend Simon was in town on his way to go and live in Paris, so we spent the afternoon together and had lunch and drinks outside in the sunshine and caught up on each others lives. In the evening i went to the bbq of an ex house mate DT, where I and most of the people there got very very drunk. I knew it was time to go home when the chair I was sitting on started feeling like I was on a fair ground ride and the room started spinning out of control. Don't really remember getting home to bed but woke up with a hang over unsurprisingly in the morning and figured I'd drank two bottles of wine to myself, lol. So I spent the day tidying up the messs that was my kitchen and doing the weeks worth of washing up that was there, God I miss having a dish washer. In the evening Baby G and another friend of ours CC came over and we ended up having a really girly night, cooking and chatting and putting the world to rights.. They left just after ten and I went to bed still feeling rough, then it was back to work today. I have a busy week ahead too, have gay groups tomorrow and Wednesday evenings, Thursday I have the job interview and DT is coming round for dinner and then my friend Rosie is coming to stay for the weekend which will be lovely.

I also got told today that they won't be extending my contract at work past the end of September, so unless I land this permenant position by some miracle, I'll be out of a job in a few weeks until I find something else. So I'm going to devote any spare time I have to job hunting and keep my fingers crosssed for the position I'm going for on Thursday. Not working for a little while might not be so bad as I'm considering a trip to New York in October. Baby G has vaginismus and so is going out there to get treatment and CC is going with her. I mentioned before that Baby G's boyfriend is already there through work and they're staying at his apartment, and Baby G is going to ask him if he wouldn't mind letting me stay as well. It'll be great if it all works out, we can have a girlie shopping, site seeing and coctails holiday which I'm in desperate need of at the moment, plus I get to be there supporting my best friend through what will be a traumatic and difficult few weeks for her.
I'm off to cook dinner now as it's getting late and I'm getting hungry, and silent Witness is on TV at nine which I want to watch. No doubt just as I'm getting in to it the phone will ring and that'll be it for the night which is what usually tends to happen when I try to watch something on tv lol.

Home is where I lay my hat

I’m not going to go in to the details of the stressfulness of what it’s like looking for somewhere to live in the capital, but it is surficed to say that this last couple of weeks have been one of the most stressful times of my life. I’ve been to view properties where people outrightly false advertise, I’ve been turned down countless times because I have the dog, I’ve searched and searched until last weekend I was contemplating having to move back up north because I was going to become homeless if I stayed here. Thankfully due to the wonderful strength of my friends and the support they gave me I managed to stick with it, and on the last day I had to look for places I got a studio flat in west London which I’m moving in to to tomorrow. I can’t tell you how relieved I am, plus utterly exhausted, as I’ve been working, on a training course for a few days, plus had an interview for another job in the meantime. So I’m off to bed and will write more as soon as I have the net up and running at the new place, just wanted to stick my head around the door to let you know I’m still here and doing ok. And hugs to everyone up north, I miss you and love you all very much, and I’ll be popping up very soon for a night out and hugs!

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living

So the new job has started, and already Ii’m shattered! They say that the first week is the hardest though, I sincerely hope so because I would like to stop feeling like all I want to do is go to bed when I get home at around seven thirty. And the crap thing is that it’s not long after that that I need to be in bed anyway if I want to get up feeling vaguely human in the morning, aaahh dare I say I miss being a student? Seriously though the job is great and they’ve totally thrown me in at the deep end putting me in charge of an immense nation wide project. I’m not shitting it, honest!

So Monday was the first day. I have to say I felt like the bottom had dropped out of my stomach all day long, especially on the way in. But I soon got in to it and towards the end of the afternoon I was happily making phone calls and getting stuck in. On Monday night HBS came over for some dinner and dessert, :P which was lovely as always and a great way to de-stress after my first day. I told her that’s how I should de-stress every day after work and she laughed and called me “yummie”, which is a new one. Just as we were getting cosy the phone rang and she insisted I see who it was. It was my dad so I ignored it and two minutes later it rang again. Exasperated I picked up and told him, "go away! I'm shagging!" To which he pissed himself laughing and said he'd call me the day after. When I did eventually speak to him yesterday he said, "getting hold of you is like trying to contact the bloody Pope. Although the Pope wouldn't usually pick up the phone and say "go away I'm shagging!"" Very amusing. If you haven't already gathered we're very open about sex in my family.

Yesterday, what did I do yesterday apart from work…? God I can’t remember, that’s terrible! Aahh yes that was it, I came home and had a singing lesson for an hour, then ate dinner and then spent an age on the phone to various people, because while I was talking to one person some one else would call, and I’d have to call them back, and it seriously went on like that for a good hour and a half until in the end I thought fuck it and stopped returning people’s calls and went to bed. This evening I really wanted to go to the group in town, but either the message didn’t get passed on to the group leader, or she didn’t get chance to return my call and so I couldn’t meet her before hand and still can’t find it by myself, so gave up on the idea and went to bed and watched tv for a couple of hours. To be honest it probably did me good because I have a horrible cough and cold that I’ve caught from DL and spent most of today trying not to cough down the phone to potential clients, or in the face of the company executive and directors who I met with in the afternoon. I’m also hoping I’m not going to get in to trouble because while I was on my lunch break I tried to log on to ginger beer, and it came up with a message saying “this site is considered as offensive by business systems and your attempt to access it has been reported”. I very nearly pooped my pants and sat in a mild state of panic for about an hour furiously working away and expecting a member of IT to either come and bolock me or call me up and have a word in my ear. It’s not like it’s porn or anything though so hopefully they’ll just glance at it and let me off. Will have to save the chatting for when I get home I guess.

So yeah, that’s about it, not sure what I’m doing with my evenings for the rest of the week, or with my weekend. I am supposed to be going to a meal thing on Saturday night with lots of lesbians who I’ve never met before, so I’m very very nervous and rather excited about the prospect, and need to find some one to dog sit for the evening so that I don’t have to worry about her. I’ve also gotten back in touch with a friend who I haven’t spoken too in a couple of months because we weren’t seeing eye to eye on various different things for a while and decided to stop talking. We’ve been chatting online though and things seem amicable enough which is nice because I did find to my surprise that I missed her when she wasn’t around, even though she bugs the hell out of me sometimes.
Ok I’m off to have a shower and then go to bed, then it’s back to work again tomorrow. Night folks. I’m going to snuggle up with the dog as I don’t have a woman in my bed, how depressing.

Getting in to it

One week and counting, and I'm loving every minute! Last night I had a conflict of interest because my friend O was cooking me dinner and there was a lesbian meet at a cafe in town which I really wanted to go to, but as I'd not seen my friend for ages I decided to opt for that and go when I'm free. I stood at the tube station waiting for O and it was so surreal! It's been just over three years since we last saw each other as we lost touch for a while when I moved to Sheffield. I wondered if he'd be any different, what had changed in his life if anything and where to start when telling him about my stuff. We both sort of did a double take when he walked up to me, and then hugged for ages while Una looked on like "what the fuck? Why is he so special?" He's exactly the same and once we got talking it was like we'd never been out of touch at all. He has a gorgeous house in a nice area and while I was there I begged him to rent out his spare room to me which he uses for proffessional massage at the moment. I told him I'd pay him as much as I could and he said he'd think it over, although he's off to LA in September. We spent all afternoon in his garden sitting on the grass chatting until my hey fever started getting really bad and then we retreated to the lovely cool airiness of his lounge. In the evening he cooked pasta with tiger prawns in garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, chilli, spinach and corjet which i can't spell. It was delicious, and afterwards we had strawberries and chocolate brownie ice cream, and then I curled up on the sofa wrapped in his dressing gown while he lounged on cushions on the floor. It was so lovely to see him again, he's one of very few men that I feel completely relaxed with. He's in his forties and he's gay, and he's just so lovely and kind. He couldn't get over the size of my breasts and kept saying, "they're fabalicious!" which made me giggle. He's inviting some of his lesbian friends round to dinner sometime soon so that I can meet people, he called one of them up while I was there to see if she was free for dinner, and he said, "there's a new gay girl in town and she's got fabulous breasts!" I told him to shut up, I won't be able to face her if we do meet. Anyway O and I are meeting up on Friday afternoon for coffee and cake and in the evening we're all going out for Baby G's birthday drinks and dinner I think.

Today I went in to work for an induction and was very relieved to make it all the way there without getting lost. Actually I was twenty minutes early, and the other new starter was late, and he can see! Very amusing. All my team seem lovely, and by the sounds of it I'm being given quite a big project to do as soon as I start, which although is scary will be quite exciting and challenging I think. Tonight I'm trying to sort out going to a group that meet on Wednesdays, but I'm not sure if I'll pull it off yet.

I also wanted to mention the latest book I've read. It's called The Lollypop Shoes by Joanne Harris, and is the sequel to Chocolat. If you haven't read Chocolat, read that one first and then The Lollypop Shoes, but those of you who are Harris fans won't be disappointed with this one. It's just as magical with a dark and sinister side and is narrated by three different people which also holds your interest really well. Definitely worth reading, and it's fairly light if you're after something that's not too taxing. Bye for now.